Escorts and transgender porn

[Jh3678]

I can’t actually believe I’m writing this but I’m hoping someone who has been through similar can offer some advice/support.

I have been with my husband for 7 years and we have 2 young children. He has always been protective of his phone but says he just likes his privacy and I’ve always respected that.
During the last few weeks, he has been very secretive with his phone and I knew something wasn’t right.

I looked on his phone one evening when he was asleep, and found…

1. the previous day he has paid for and visiting an escort for sex
2. he is subscribing and paying for various forms of transgender porn
3. he is messing transgender women on Grindr
4. he has lots of naked photos of himself on his phone, which I can only presume he is sending to some of these people

I confronted him and he admitted paying for the escort and sleeping with her. He denied the transgender porn/contact initially but has now admitted to that too. He said he just doesn’t feel like himself at the moment, doesn’t feel loved and that we haven’t got a great sex life (we average once a week but we both have very busy lives).

What on earth should we do?

He is a ‘traditional’ man and I don’t think he will willingly attend any form of therapy.

I always said if he ever broke the trust I’d have to leave but now I’m in that situation I don’t know what to do, leaving would turn my girls world upside down.

The victim blaming here is fucking shameful. Sort it out MNHQ.

OP is there somewhere he can go to stay, at least temporarily, to give you some space and consider your options? This is a big deal and I don't think it can be brushed under the carpet. I think you and he need to take this seriously. If you let this slide there will just be more of the same. I advise you to start taking control of this situation.
As an aside, once a week sex is quite reasonable especially as you have two young children, and it isn't an excuse for what he's been doing. Don't let him blame you.

That's good you have your std tests ready to send.

It wouldn't surprise me if that not the first time he has used a prostitute but he probably won't admit to that. It won't be long before he starts meeting up with transwomen as well to satisfy that kink.

Take time to decide what you want. It's been a huge shock. Good luck.

Just spotted the giveaway "us" in @ZoZoWatto 's disgusting stream of misogynistic entitlement:

"It’s boderline abusive for us to have sex grind to an halt even if it’s not intentional, that’s not the way to keep a man happy (and marriage is give and take)."

Now wives are abusive for having sex with their husbands "only" once a week. Glad I'm not married to this neanderthal.

You have no options here ! He’s using sex workers and has a kink (for lack of a better word ) that’s very unique to him

he’s not going to stop

you have to sadly line ducks up as if not you are going to be miserable and stay miserable

Sorry just saw other post saying that you have another property. Tell him to stay there and don't come back for now.

ODFOD. You are in some kind of weird kink here.

Yuk please say ur not seriously considering staying with him. I imagine it's not the first time either given u say he's so secretive with his fone!

Honestly I know it's not so easy to leave. In my head I'd be done and making plans for the future without him.

I haven't read the whole thread. I just wanted to say that I completely get the shock and turmoil. I'm going through similar. It's difficult to explain how even black and white things become hard to act on when it's the person you love and your whole life and family's life about to implode.

I have spent time tying myself in knots and going round shock/ disgust etc etc. Knowing all along I had to do it but working up the strength. Even now, when he's leaving, I still question if I could have ignored it. How I can feel sick to look at him yet not be able to let go. It's utterly horrendous.

Knowing their reasons/ impact of mental health etc just makes it harder tbh.

Your husband is responsible for his choices, not you. There are other, far less damaging ways of dealing with this than what he has done. Your reaction to this and the consequences are a result of his choices.

I'm not sure any of this helps but I know how lonely it feels and thought it might help you to know you're not the only one.

Ignoring the deranged incels, everyone’s advice is sound.

It’s great you have a separate place he can stay and still see the girls while you have space to yourself to think. Use it!

I think it’s easy to get swept up in “what would the girls and I lose if I chucked him out?”

Imagine life if you stayed… would you feel hyper vigilant? On edge, waiting for him to cheat again? Does the fact he thinks he’s entitled to rent another person’s body bother you? How would you feel about sex with him in future? Can you trust or respect him?

He did all these things knowing he had a wife and two little girls and that still wasn’t enough to stop him thinking with his dick.

You deserve better. I’d want to geld the bastard.

@Jh3678 I have experienced similar 6 years ago. I thought my marriage was fine. I found condoms and viagra and it took months of drip feeding for him to admit he’d been seeing prostitutes and having multiple affairs during our marriage and the years before, when I hadn’t met him.
I moved into another bedroom and worked out what I was going to do. It was a horrible time in my life. After a few months I decided to move out our house (too many memories for me) and into another property we owned.
Six years on I have forgiven him but I’ll never forget what trauma he put me through. I’m fine now, apart from being diagnosed with cancer. I have a reasonable relationship with him as I know and love all his family. He helps me out (probably through guilt) and drove me to all my hospital appointments and helps look after my elderly mother. To not forgive him would have meant me holding on to bitterness and I’m not that kind of person.
I wish you well OP, take your time, look after yourself. Life is too short to stay with someone who has betrayed you and risked damaging your physical and mental health.

I hope you are okay.
it’s madness isn’t it - if anyone else relayed what has happened I would immediately say leave but when it’s the father of your children the husband you expected to spend your life with, that easy choice becomes so difficult!

sending virtual support to you too.

Just when you thought someones standards couldn't get any lower 🤮

Get rid.
He's a cheating twat

There's always incels, MRA who come here to abuse women, since this is a predominantly women forum. Fortunately, MN is pretty good at identifying them and banning.

Op you are married to and living with a man who has bought at least one woman's body for sex. He has 2 daughters who one day will be women.
You're turning their lives upside down by staying with him, not by leaving him.

Ewww please leave this man.

LTB x 100. Don't be a mug.

I’d think that transgender escorts are frequented by curious straight men. Some of these woman are very feminine looking, but have male private parts. I watched a late night documentary on transgender escorts and most of the clients were ‘straight’ guys.

I don’t think gay men would generally be attracted to transgender escorts, surely gay men want to be with traditional looking men?

Fucks sake this is beyond grim. Its just so dinghy and depressing. I would not want that vibe around my kids. I want my kids to be in a house full of light and love. Not with a father who hides away watching chicks with dicks porn and shagging prostitutes. So depressing. How can you even look at him?

Once a week not enough with a young family and jobs?!

Well, the man is free to divorce and go get laid... How many times a week? How many times a week are divorced dads at it? I imagine it doesn't come by easy, hence it might get rather expensive for this one.

In reality, there are plenty of gay men (particularly those in the closet still or with a "beard ) who see women escorts. More so in the Dominatrix scene.

They like to be pegged, wear escort's clothing, watch gay porn and be "forced" to be gay. Poor sods just can't come out for some reason.

There's all sorts of gay indicators here, even if the escort was a woman.
I wouldn't need or want to know more. The end of the marriage.

This.

It's a gay hook up app.

He's bi or gay.

I'm guessing maybe bi given he's paid a female prostitute - this time.

But you don't know if he'll move onto (or had already) paying trans gender prostitutes in future. Seems not unlikely given his fixation on trans gender porn.

Just to note that - in spite of all the claims about prostitutes being checked for STDs so regularly and using condoms religiously - UK punting shows they do not.

Owo (oral without condom) is an incredibly common service - it's peryposdinls to spread STDs with oral sex. Some punters even perform "reverse oral" (oral on the prostitute) so that's also an std risk.
Obviously condoms also do not prevent skin to skin std infection with things like HPV and herpes in the genital region either. Lessen the risk but do not eliminate it.

And even regular screening cannot possibly keep up with the sometimes back to back half hour and hour appointments with punters. How is any std being seen (symptoms) and treated between punters. It's being passed on before the next screening and before any symptoms appear (if they do).

But the main thing I wanted to mention is that UK punting punters report trans sexual prostitutes having penetrative sex without condoms ; both receiving and giving (many men who see transsexual prostitutes will receive penetrative sex as part of the session; that's why they're seeing a person with a penis rather than a vagina). The trans sexual prostitutes take "prep" commonly apparently and this has made them more likely to practice penetrative sex without condoms. That means the prostitute, punters, and punters partners are subject to all the STDs condoms would protect against or reduce infection of

I think his use of Grindr - an exclusively gay/bi/trans "woman" app and his use if trans gender porn is significant.

I don't think he's "traditional" in the slightest - if traditional means a heterosexual family man. He may want to appear traditional - and you seem to be part of that "beard" set up.

But, as many other posters pointed out - hrs not "traditional" in the slightest. He's a gay hook-up app user, a trans sexual porn watcher (and he may have hooked up with trans sexuals via Grindr as well as mem .. whether that's in person or "just" messaging, camming or exchanging explicit images (so far,) and he's crossed the line into the hard end of the sex industry (actual prostitution) .....it's odd you've caught him the "one" time he's used a prostitute, isn't it 😏.
That's unlikely.

Who knows how many and what gender prostitutes he's used before.

He's not "traditional' in the slightest.

Even if your dtd screening comes back clear this time (bearing in mind they can't test effectively for everything) ..... Keep in mind that he is extremely unlikely - having been behaving like this with gay hook up apps (he's clearly active on them "digitally" at the very very least - given all the explicit photos of himself - and the use of prostitutes (very unlikely you caught him the only time he did it, he's likely to have been very nervous and very careful when he first started doing that) .......

If you continue to have any sexual contact with him, you are putting yourself at risk. Because the chances of someone behaving like this and, even with some form of counselling, stopping forever, are low.

I wouldn't actually recommend counselling for him anyway - he clearly has a sexual orientation and sexual inclinations that he cannot fulfill within a heterosexual relationship... . So it's deeply unfair for his partner (and him I suppose) for counselling to be pitched as a solution. It's not. He needs to live an authentic life, not make a farce of a heterosexual, monogamous, family one.