He is having an affair! Follow on thread

[heartbroken26]

I've made a follow on thread as frankly I need to continue to share my thoughts and gain support and advice from you all! I do feel a warmth reading all your lovely comments of support. Thank you!

If you can take a family member you can trust go to his house and calmly talk to him about what he is unhappy about. Try and come to some sort of agreement where he hands your son back. Maybe an initial you can have him on these nights etc. agree to whatever demands he wants to get your child back. Once you have your child don't give him back- go to a solicitor draft a letter to go to court and say until you are satisfied he is returned that you will not allow your son to be a hostage. It may result in court proceedings but at least you will have an arrangement in law that he should follow. My heart goes out to you, he is an utter nasty piece of trash

I hope your son is back with you now.
If not just take your Mum & Dad (I'm assuming that your Dad is still around) with you to collect your son later today or tomorrow (Sun) as he needs to be back at yours as it's it's school on Monday. Your son will need uniform/clean clothes etc.

Remain cool, calm & collected at all times when you go to get your son. If stupid DH starts kicking off & threatening you then call the police to deal with him.
It will be an own goal of his own making.

One of my friends was in a similar situation with EXH & just went round & collected her daughter. EXH started kicking off, police were called, daughter given back to friend & EXH left looking ridiculous.
It's also evidence that he cannot be trusted/unstable if & when he starts threatening custody.

What is your mother in law who was apparently so disgusted with him doing about this?

I've been wondering the same. OP's said nothing further about the MIL in the recent updates, and whether or not I'd "appeal to her mothering instincts" would depend on the position she's been taking since the split

After all she is indeed a mother, but she's HIS and not OP's

I hope your son is back with you now.

I'm so sorry to read your latest update. He is showing his true colours. Boy they are ugly. I'm so sorry he has resorted to such despicable behaviour. Sending you love, strength and solidarity.

I don’t think this is good advice. The father is not behaving rationally, calmly or fairly and getting solicitors and social services involved will deescalate this situation by providing boundaries. Meeting him alone with escalate because this action is quite extreme and likely he will not ‘be reasonable’ just because OP meets him, he will see that taking his son without her knowledge ‘works’.

I hope you have your boy back. Your poor son away without warning from his mum and sibling.

Contact the courts.This is unreasonable behaviour and I would question his sanity.
Did the school know you had broken up?

the only people that benefit from this heavy handed approach is the lawyers. I'm not excusing the fact that he's a sad excuse for a husband whose actions have led to a lot of heartache for multiple people, or his stupid actions in picking up his son early(who he is currently jointly responsible for as a parent until courts decide otherwise) but as the OP has just had a second baby with him I presume that up to now she thought he was a loving and suitable father to their children? There are plenty of women posting on here who have good reason to keep their children from their fathers for the emotional and physical safety of their children but there has been nothing so far that courts or social workers would be at that level concerned about. It's incredibly difficult to put spousal betrayal aside but you ultimately have to co-parent so its important to play the long game and put the child above your own feelings.

How is collecting your own child from school irrational?

OP I would talk to the school and explained what's going on. Ask them to ring you next time he is trying to take your son early.
My kids' school ask if there is any issue between parents to state it in a form, so I think this is not uncommon.

I agree with the rest of people saying to be careful though, get an advice from a solicitor first. I am very sorry you are going though this. Think in the long game. xx

Hope you're ok OP

Seriously @ShakespearesBlister ? You don't think keeping a child from his primary carer for 3 days is irrational? The man is behaving incredibly spitefully because he was told no.

@ShakespearesBlister it isn't, but that's not what happened here, is it?!

…And @Amybelle88 ….that’s not what happened either!!this is why long threads descend into chaos as people start extrapolating an op’s posts and other people then react to those posts as if it were fact. Either way, speaking as a child of parents who ended up divorcing over a similar situation (with another child also conceived as a result of the affair)this is why I am advising caution over escalating the situation further.there far more of a push nowadays to using mediation for the reason that dirty battles only end up hurting the children involved.if the father wishes to go down this route he will only harm his relationship with the kids so as a mother I would always try to take the high ground and do everything by the book unless you have safeguarding concerns.

Of course the point you are all missing is that is exactly what the police will consider happened. A father with parental rights collected his child from school. The end. The squabbling parents behind the scenes is a separate issue and as always because grown ups can't separate their relationship with eachother from their relationship with their children, innocent kids get dragged into it. So he was an arsehole. So he cheated. That is between the parents and should not have to mean an innocent child can only see his father on his mother's say so. Her feelings towards her cheating old man should not influence access. But as always....

@2022again what are you tagging me for?! I never stated what did or didn't happen?!

@ShakespearesBlister said that the police will find no fault with a father picking his child up from school. That's not what happened, though.

If you read the post from OP properly, the husband lied to the school to pick the child up early and didn't inform the mother. If you think he's just simply a dad trying to get access to his child for a fun weekend then sorry, you're wrong. If that was the case he could have organised with OP to see his child or went to the school at normal pick-up time. He's wanted to bypass the OP and take control to punish her for not taking him back.

He's a cunt.

You’re utterly missing the point. there are no court orders in place, both parents at this stage have equal parental access rights so posters suggesting calling the police and social workers is an over reaction, that’s what I was taking issue with. I’m not in any doubt that the father is in the wrong but the child is not “owned”by either parent.

@2022again ok hun 👍

Of course the child is not owned by either parent. My point was that refusing to allow the parent the child resides with and who is primary carer to even know where they are is causing damage to the poor child. The father has caused this and is escalating things. I hope a judge will see the damage he is doing to his child.

Anyway, enough derailing. @heartbroken26 I hope you are doing ok lovely.

He's an absolute wanker.

Hope you’ve been able to get professional advice this morning @heartbroken26

Why was the OP's last post removed with the comment "Please start your own thread"?

I saw that too! Rather strange !

I find this whole thread strange tbh

Glad it's not just me. Thought I was going bonkers!