He is having an affair! Follow on thread

[heartbroken26]

I've made a follow on thread as frankly I need to continue to share my thoughts and gain support and advice from you all! I do feel a warmth reading all your lovely comments of support. Thank you!

When you talk/ message from now on replace his face with that of a judge male or female who you've never met.picture theirs. Because he's drawn battle lines and that is potentially who is going to see every conversation from now.

OP, you're an inspiration, well done. How are things between you and your friend and ex MIL?

Has your ex ever heard of "red flags" or does he just LOVES drama and he knows he's going to get plenty of it with this psycho? He doesn't sound like the sharpest tool in the shed sorry.

He's also just a desperado sad ass who can't be in his own and would rather be with somebody than nobody.

@TicketBoo23 that's spot on. A 100 per cent with you.

OP keep strong. You have certainly plenty of followers here- you are admirable.

Wow OP, he sent around an estate agent what a d$ck you sound so incredibly strong. I'm sure she is, but I hope your mum is still being as supportive.

Much support from the soon to be ex MIL? I can't believe (or well I can) that he is with the OW now. That'll blow up soon enough. And 'you broke up the family' 😂trying to paint himself as the injured party now.

what a knob. Accuses you of breaking up the marriage whilst taking up with the OW.

Just keep documenting everything. Record your conversations. Try to get him to put his demands in writing. Because he's ridiculous.

No court will give him full custody so don’t worry about that

I agree, but don't imagine he'd want it anyway - to say nothing of his side piece, who'll want all the attention on her and is probably planning to be pregnant asap

Would also be interested to hear how MIL's behaving at the moment too ...

OMG he is with the side piece? After all the crazy, stalker, things she has done? What an absolute idiot your Ex is. SHE will get pregnant ASAP to trap him now.

Get on to a solicitor and get your financials and visitation sorted now.

Also, you are doing great OP. Im sorry you are going through this and your husband is such a spineless arsehole.

Just imagine the first time he tells OW that he's off to play golf on a weekend 😂

You are so much better off & they deserve one another

I've just read all this and omg I'm so sorry you've had to go through this! Sending hugs! What an absolute tool he is and her the trollop! Disgusting! They deserve eachother but that won't last long anyway! Stay strong you are so much better than they are and enjoy the freedom and your baby boys! Keep everything in writing also when you have to correspond with him.

I second everything @AcrossthePond55 has said.
Of course he's with the OW now. He knows a woman of your strength would never have him back & being alone means he loses face. Watch now while he tries to convince himself, the OW, you, the dc & the public at large that theirs is the great romance of the century; that he has finally found happiness; that you didn't love or appreciate him anymore; that he now knows what it's truly like to be loved!

This is exactly what my exh did. Somehow the whole breakup became my doing even though I had never so much looked at another man and had supported him through all his issues and madcap schemes!
Honestly men like this never stop being the centre of their and everyone else's lies and are pathologically incapable of facing the truth or their actions. Trust me op you will be so much better off in the years to come.
You are doing AMAZINGLY. Stay strong and vent here as much as you need to.
Also - as pp have said - no verbal anything. Put everything in emails (& log EVERYTHING).

Get a shit hot lawyer OP.

Beg, steal, borrow the money to buy him out of your home, valuation should be in your favour being the primary, and will remain the primary carer for your children, that you didn't betray the marriage for.

One step at a time you have got this.

His drama now irrelevant.

As all have said everything calmly in writing.

Try not to lose it around him, easier said than done, but you clearly are better than that.

Arrangements are about your children solely. You can kick off to mates on girlie pissed nights in when he has kids overnight. Do arrange many of these nights. They will help.

What's really nuts, he's "in a new relationship" yet you are breaking up the family?

You don't have to be the sharpest tool do you to see this is just go smackingly impossible as a pair of concepts.

I hope his knob falls off when he's trying to do the deed. The shrieking from him and the other woman, would be delicious.

Blaming you for breaking up the family is a classic feature of the Turning Nasty phase.

It has a name: DARVO

Deny, Attack, Reversing Victim and Offender.

metro.co.uk/2020/06/13/guide-darvo-gaslighting-response-people-give-when-called-bad-behaviour-12847680/

Obviously he is trying to win father of the year award by attempting to sell the house his DC are living in and giving them no-where to go.

She will be trying to get pregnant asap having made such a fool of herself. Meanwhile, having run away from the reality of having a baby and small child, he'll be back changing nappies in no time, but this time with a demanding lunatic watching his every move (so no more golf then). He'll also have to pretend that this was his choice and that he is happy.

His behaviour goes from stupid to brainless.

I agree with other PPs who have advised to avoid seeing him for handovers of the DC if possible and to keep contact in writing only.

Agree with this.

If he says it again, you can just laugh at him for his cognitive dissonance (and leave him to look up the meaning).

Seriously OP, a lawyer is urgently needed here if you haven't got one already.

I have to agree on the lawyer thing. It's essential.

“Goodness he’s a prat.

Don’t rise to it. Keep all interactions to just practicalities of hand overs.

Keep a diary as to when he’s seen them. Save any shitty messages from him. Think about how your messages would look in court.

You a resident parent. He’s walked out. He’s barely seen them. One is a baby you are primary carer for. No one is going to give him ‘custody’ I suspect he wouldn’t want them full time anyway.

Get some legal advice. Apply for maintenance. Keep interactions to bare minimum with him.”

This with bells on.

Just checking in to see how you are doing OP @heartbroken26

Hey! I'm really not doing good. In fact I don't know what to do! The git collected my son from school early on Wednesday on the pretence he had a doctors appointment. I only found out when i turned up at normal school finish time. now he's refusing to return him to me! He's using my son as a bargaining tool to hold power over me! I honestly feel like this man is a stranger, the police won't do anything as he is his father and don't deem him to be in danger. I just want my boy back, I'm heartbroken.

Oh op. I'm so sorry to read this. You need to see a solicitor asap. The pocket won't intervene in a civil matter.
This man is an utter disgrace. Have you even been able to speak to your boy on the phone?

I can't believe that, that's absolutely awful. Definitely time to get solicitors involved. So sorry to read this🙁.