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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He is having an affair! Follow on thread

802 replies

heartbroken26 · 06/02/2023 21:00

I've made a follow on thread as frankly I need to continue to share my thoughts and gain support and advice from you all! I do feel a warmth reading all your lovely comments of support. Thank you!

OP posts:
GreenTeaTuesdays · 14/02/2023 19:33

Wow, the cheek of the valentines message. It sounds like you're coping really well and your mum is being a diamond.

Was the other woman at all apologetic when she came round or just wanting to speak to him?!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 14/02/2023 19:37

Well done about booking the STI check, OP, and if you're (understandably) nervous, please believe me that the staff at these places are absolutely brilliant. Unfortunately they hear stories like yours constantly, and I've never known empathy quite like it

Great news too that you're feeling stronger today, but do be prepared for dips and troughs as you go along; IME they're so much easier to bear if you accept they're going to happen, lnowing you can power through

Sickening (though predictable) about the valentine message, but no doubt it's a great opportunity for MIL to tell him what a good boy he's being. I'm only waiting for the narrative to change to "how hard he's trying" and "how ungrateful you are to punish him for one mistake"Hmm

Beaverbridge · 14/02/2023 19:38

You are a star. So is your Mum. Have a fabulous evening with your lovely family, enjoy your long lie. Don't even give bawbag a second thought. Who does he think he is sending Valentines message. Seriously deluded twat.

AlbertaAnnie · 14/02/2023 19:40

Good do you op! Stay strong! You deserve much more xx

Christmaspyjamas · 14/02/2023 19:41

Your mum is so lovely!

It's insulting for him to message that....

Fraaahnces · 14/02/2023 19:43

Said so before and I wi say it again. I am so proud of you!!!!
He is totally proving that men are from Mars and women are from Miley Cyrus.

BlueBlueBlueWinter · 14/02/2023 19:56

You are being so incredibly strong. It sounds like you have a great support network around you, and so many people behind you on here. It won't be easy, but you know you are doing the right thing for you and your children.

My parents divorced when I was 12 due to my father's infidelities and I will forever be so proud of my mother for walking away. I have a great relationship with my dad now, but it was absolutely the right thing for her and me. She is now very happily remarried to someone who, I know, worships the ground she walks on - and you so deserve that too - please don't ever forget that.

Daleksatemyshed · 14/02/2023 19:57

I fear @Puzzledandpissedoff is right, he'll soon be telling people how hard done by he is. You've done so well Op, Im glad your lovely DM has your back

Thewheelweavesasthewheelwills · 14/02/2023 20:22

Your mum sounds great I'm glad you have her 😊I can't believe he texted you!

Don't worry about the STI test, not sure if you've had one before but they are grand.

Cakecakecheese · 14/02/2023 21:05

Is he really that thick? First flowers and now a valentine message?! Does he think he forgot your birthday or something?

Appleskypietoday · 14/02/2023 21:09

Your mum sounds lovely. Enjoy your evening. I'm amazed he was that crass - he is a baffoon.

Hiddenvoice · 14/02/2023 21:10

You are being incredibly strong op! I’m glad you didn’t reply to his message and I love that you told his friends wife!
I hope you’ve had a great day with your boys and have a lovely night with your mum.

Artyfarty555 · 14/02/2023 21:13

So pleased that you have the loving support of your mum… one in a million. You are obviously very like her.. you come over as such a lovely person and one who doesn’t deserve what is occurring at the moment. Sending strength to you. You are being just amazing.
Can Git really be this stupid..he certainty doesn’t deserve you.
Big hugs x

MelloYellow · 14/02/2023 21:31

I’m in churchdown OP
I had to use hope house in 2020 after my cheating DH left me and I found out about his dirty deeds
they are so wonderful and understanding there xxx

Bunnyfuller · 14/02/2023 21:40

I lived in quarters at RAF Innsworth when my first marriage broke down following him cheating xx Small world, OP.

Keep up the good work

7eleven · 14/02/2023 22:09

Proud of you, OP xxx

Dixiechickonhols · 14/02/2023 22:33

Your mum sounds lovely and supportive. I know your friend told you but I would be careful with her too as thou are being with mil as she’s in an awkward position being related to ow.
You are doing the right thing focusing on yourself and the children and not responding to him.
He sounds totally deluded.

KMW79 · 14/02/2023 22:35

You are doing so so well, you should be proud of yourself. I’ve been thinking about you the last few days and send you so much love x

namechange0102 · 14/02/2023 22:45

Been thinking about you today and tonight OP. Stay strong and stay firm. I hope you enjoy your lie in tomorrow

Nancy585 · 14/02/2023 23:05

Stay strong OP you're doing really well! You've got what sounds like an amazing mum! 😊
Things must be really hard for you right now but don't let him try to get into your head. What he's done is disgusting what a horrible 'man' he is! You deserve so much better and in time when you're ready you will find happiness!
Take care OP x

Nearlyshitmypantsthere · 15/02/2023 02:59

@heartbroken26 So proud of you! I know you probably don't feel it but you are so strong. Your mammy is the best 👌❤️💐

ZekeZeke · 15/02/2023 06:32

Continue to stay strong and hold your head high. It can't be easy, you are an amazing woman and mother.

NicholJO · 15/02/2023 07:29

Hi op your doing amazing your so strong so lovely that you had a nice evening with your boys hope you enjoyed your lovely long bath .I wish I could have that sometimes but my 2 little won't allow me 😁 your mum sounds wonderful hope you have a brilliant weekend away keep strong we are all here for you

buckeejit · 15/02/2023 08:51

You're doing great, enjoy a lie in & keep chipping away at making your new life. Happy Valentine's Day indeed 🙄

HowcanIgetoutofthisalive · 15/02/2023 10:33

ah you've an amazing mum there OP. Bit shit you're having to go for a screening but needs must. He's a complete and utter shit.