He is having an affair! Follow on thread

[heartbroken26]

I've made a follow on thread as frankly I need to continue to share my thoughts and gain support and advice from you all! I do feel a warmth reading all your lovely comments of support. Thank you!

So sorry for what you're going through OP. Xxx If it's any consolation, it will never be happy families between them now, it's going to be Jeremy Kyle families between them (he's a disgusting cheat who gets his friends involved to cover his tracks so she'll never trust him and she's a bunny boiling psycho that doorsteps the wife of her shag to relay messages of her pregnancy) you're well shot of the lot of them and everyone will be on your side.

Big hugs to you and your beautiful little family, you deserve so much more.

I hope you had a wonderful weekend with your mum. You sound really strong and you will get through this. What an absolute arse hole though!!

I have just read your threads Op and feel utterly sick for you at all this. Sending you hugs and strength.

Hey, just to say I've been following your thread from the start and I'm so sorry you're having to go through all of this, particularly if it's true that this OW is pregnant. What a nightmare. I just wanted to say it sounds like you are handling this all in a very dignified way- much better than I think I would have. Hopefully he is realising what he's lost - shame he didn't think about that before. Once he realises you're not taking him back I would try to be prepared for him picking up the OW again, it's sadly quite likely, especially if she's desperate. Outrageous behaviour to involve you in her mess by showing up - what on earth was she thinking?! People can be so selfish. Enjoy your babies and focus on them. Sending hugs.

In some ways, at least you can move forward. The decision to leave him has been made easier and you won't be in limbo land

This occurred to me too; there's often that little voice that says "Maybe we could make it work", but that's off the table now and probably no bad thing

I'm still not convinced about the pregnancy - like a PP I'm expecting a "miscarriage" - but the chances of him playing happy families is prectically nil.
Relationships which start this way are tainted anyway because of the mistrust, but throw a (possible) baby into the mix and that's his fun days gone

However ... his choice, his consequences, and I hope he spends the rest of his life regretting them

Well done OP, really well done! Today's just a day. We've never bothered with the commercialised fakery.

That new single status sends a great message - to everyone.

And you were right to tell his friend's wife - chances are he's up to something too, and they were each other's alibis.

Re the MIL - she'll be panicking over maybe losing access to her grandchildren and will support any attempt he makes to wheedle back in. It's understandable - but the unit that is you and your children comes first.

You're better off free of him.

And as Shakespeare says, your best message to the OW is 'I wish you all joy of the worm'. Her lovely exciting romantic adventure is turning very sour indeed, as she realises the truth. That poor blameless baby.

You've the usual sensible 'ducks in a row' MN advice from women who've been there, and a ready made community of hand holders who can support you through this very old and well trodden journey.

All the very best to you all and your brilliant supportive family and friends.

Oh dear, saying what a mess is an understatement. I've followed your posts since the start and I'm so sorry it's turned out this way.
You are of course grieving, grieving what you had,what you thought your husband was and grieving what you expected your future to be. Be kind and gentle with yourself,your world has been turned upside down and you'll feel every possible emotion from sorrow to hate to loss and everything in between. It's so hard. Just try to take it day by day and you will come out the other side stronger than you thought you could be. Your mum sounds lovely and I'm sure she'll be steadfast in her support of you and your boys.

You are a rockstar OP and an absolute lady, what a lot he has lost.
Hoping for your sake no Valentines Day cliches arrive on your doorstep!

Your one very strong lady and a absolute credit to your boys!

Personally I would speak to a solicitor before speaking to him especially in regard to finances as he may still have to pay for the house til your children are older.

The pregnancy if true is a spanner as it will reduce the amount of maintenance he would have to pay but only after that baby is born.

As for the OW well what a nasty piece of work. I don't believe in blaming the other woman generally but in your case she more then knew what she was doing!

Well, IF she is pregnant, wonder what he’ll do when she’s ‘not up for it’ after the birth. What a pathetic, selfish man child.

sorry, OP, it’s tough now but you will look a k with a sigh of relief.

So his bit on the side is pregnant bet that wasn't in his plan bloody twat. Sorry op - hes a shit. Hope he treats you and the kids with respect

What a selfish prick. Keep your head up, time is a healer.

OP I know this is the last thing you want to think about but since she's pregnant they've clearly not been having safe sex. I personally would see your gp about a sti screening to be in the safe side

Just wanted to say how incredibly strong you are being . You are a force of nature and should be bloody proud of yourself. He is an absolute cunt and him and the cow deserve each other .

You're one heck of a strong woman, I hope you realise that. I'm so sorry that you're going through so much pain. You'll get through this, without a doubt.

He'll do the same to her as he's done to you. Women (and men) like her tend to get what they deserve in the end.

Your STBXH has really fucked up. Total arsehole.

Whatever happens now, there will (probably) be an innocent child that is your children’s half sibling, whom they will have a right, and probably a desire to know and have a relationship with.

He wasn’t thinking about that when he was shagging OW was he?

Stay classy, keep your composure, and minimise any communication with him. It will all unfold over time.

He’s made getting a divorce easy for you. They’ll be no contest. Huge well done for telling the wife of the guy who covered for him, people who do that are also the ones having the affair and getting people to cover for them as well.

Although all uk divorces are no contest now.

I experienced that awful pain that you are feeling when my now ex did the same to me. It was so crippling that I took him back. It felt at the time like the person who'd caused the hurt was the only person who could take it away. More fool me as he did it again, felt that awful almost physical pain again. I couldn't eat or sleep, thought I'd never feel okay again ever but I absolutely promise you that it really does pass. You will feel calm and completely indifferent to him in time as I do now about the git I stupidly kept in my life for too long. So many of us have been there & we all feel for you. This is the worst bit, it will get better. The OW has won no prize, my ex has continued the cycle of lying & cheating in all his relationships since. Sending sympathy, strength & hugs to you 💐

Enjoy Valentine's night with your boys OP. Honestly, a kid's love, unconditional is a joy. The Git didn't understand that. I know this is mega hard but the man you loved died the day he shagged the OW. You are so much more than this lowlife. Eat chocolate, drink fizz, hug those boys. xx

Evening all, I have booked an appointment at gloucester hope house for a full sti screening as advised. I've had a lovely afternoon with my boys. We had a nice tea and snuggles with chocolate! I'm just rocking the baby to sleep now and then putting my older son to bed. Then I think I'm going to have a nice soak in the bath with a glass of wine. My mum is staying tonight with me so we're going to watch a movie together to keep my mind off things and she's offered to do the school run so I can have a lie in. She's been so amazing at helping me through this. I'm really looking forward to the weekend away too. Feeling stronger today! Despite it being Valentine's Day. The git had the cheek to message happy Valentine's Day! Hah! I didn't even give him the satisfaction of a reply even to tell him where to go! I think he's absolutely deluded if he thinks I'm taking him back! I have no idea if he knows about 'the baby' yet. I'm meeting my friend for coffee tomorrow so I'll see if she knows any more. I know I keep saying it but having you all behind me is like having 100 friends hugs! Thank you all

OP, brave lady. Snuggles with your boys is the best. Ignore the grade 1 Git. Wine, sleep chocolate is great. Well done for being totally amazing.

He actually text you, wishing you a happy valentines day 😂😂😂😂

What a fucking gobshite.

He's really clutching at straws isn't he.

I almost feel sorry for him (almost, but not quite)!

Is there anything more wonderful than a parent who has your back like your mum.

You are so blessed OP.

The having to go for STI testing is so infuriating.

He is such scum.

Be glad you know.

You are a great woman and you will thrive.

@heartbroken26 following.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I think you're awesome