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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He is having an affair! Follow on thread

802 replies

heartbroken26 · 06/02/2023 21:00

I've made a follow on thread as frankly I need to continue to share my thoughts and gain support and advice from you all! I do feel a warmth reading all your lovely comments of support. Thank you!

OP posts:
journeyofinsanity · 13/02/2023 23:07

If he's blocked her then it's never going to be happy families between them is it. At best he will settle as he will feel he has nothing else. But they will both be angry, mistrusting and resentful. She obviously isn't the love of his life as he's not with her and he's blocked her. What a fuck up

Sandra1984 · 13/02/2023 23:08

Looks like The git will have to support two households and 3 children so I believe his golf and hobby days are over. He also won’t have time to “fix friends kitchens”. Not only that but he may be bonded for life with psycho bunny boiler who may stalk him for ever. It’s amazing how some people will
mess up lives for no reason.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 13/02/2023 23:11

Fucking hell this is insane.

I'm so sorry for you.
What an absolute wanker he is.

I'd be telling MIL about the woman showing up and her telling you that she's pregnant.
Get MIL to deliver that news to him.

Now you need to get tough and do everything on your terms, not his. Do things at your pace.
That's so good your mum is being your rock, that's what mums are for :)

NotDrowningJustCrowing · 14/02/2023 00:53

I'm glad you told the friend's wife. If her husband is prepared to do that for a friend then he's the sort who's likely to have an affair himself as he clearly has not moral judgement at all.

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 14/02/2023 01:10

I'd cartwheel naked down the street if the OW is pregnant.
I'm also pleased that the covering up friend's wife knows what a toe rag her DH is.

I found out that my EXH knew that our male friend was having an affair & turned a blind eye & what made it worse was that the friend's wife was was our friend too.
It really changed how I saw my EXH & I lost all respect for him after that.
Needless to say the wife is just my friend now & her now EXH is just my EXH's friend.

Don't these cheating scumbags think about all the damage they unleash? Obviously not.

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/02/2023 02:14

"I;ll get pregnant then he will have to leave her and be mine forever!!"

Said the woman who didnt see the booby prize she was getting.

The only loser here is that maybe baby.

Your kids have you and their grandparents, her maybe baby has a woman with no self respect and a man who will bail at the first sign of difficulty. I know who's child I would rather be. Keep the faith my love.

kateandme · 14/02/2023 04:49

your handling this wonderfully op
its ok to cry
your grieving. how long does that last we are all different but it does pass.and it will pass.i can absolutely promise you that.
you need to write that list of all hes done and stick it somewhere remind you what you rid of
and as for being happy withi this new woman,well i say again look at all hes done to you. do we really think he is dad of the year,man of the nyear partner of the year?no. will he change doubt it. and even so good luck to her becasue youve honestly had the luckiest escape.
noone who does this to his partner deserve to stay with her. you do not deserve what happened to you and you are so much better away,well away from anyone who could do all the things that he has totted up as done to you.
he has been absolutely horrific. please please keep reminding nyourself of that.
so in time you need to tell yourself that moving on will be the best thing you could ever do. because he is a shit head. a real real shit head.

as for missing valentines day.what your favorite food. get it in. get a movie or boxset and just snuggle down. valentine is to celebrate love. he doesnt deserve yours. so love yourself.love your family and friends and those who appreicate and treasure you. it doesnt have to be a partner or husband.ive sent a card to my mum!!
and would it have ever have been a good day,knowing the bastard would have probably made a lame excuse to go sneak off to his mistress,bought to gifts,yuk its all very love actually isnt it.

big up to telling his friends wife.ha. dickheads playing boy together eh. ugh grow up.

Appleskypietoday · 14/02/2023 06:46

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Thank god for all the support you’re getting. Stay strong and remember your worth! He is worth nothing.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And use !!!!!!! any way you want x

Bigboysmademedoit · 14/02/2023 06:56

You’ve been amazing and he’s been an idiot. He thought he was smart having fun with his side piece while you looked after his babies. Now he’ll have another baby so those fun days are over with her plus financially he’s screwed as he’ll be paying you CMS and having to keep her and her kid too. Golf days will be a distant memory. Move on and don’t look back - at least you found out who he really is and don’t have to waste any more of your life with him. I wish you all the best moving on.

hopewithoutpanic · 14/02/2023 07:27

So sorry for you op. You have been handling this so so well, but remember it is ok to break down and cry to let it all out.

I don't actually believe she is pregnant, I think she is just trying ti create drama as she has been blocked.

However, if h has been having unprotected sex with her then he is even more of a git than we thought. Putting his own and your sexual health at risk as well as the most obvious one of pregnancy.

The mind just absolutely boggles how he has come to be in this affair with this other woman and going out of his way to cover his tracks, must have thought he was so clever. Well I hope he realises now what a colossal mistake he has made. He is clearly selfish though and I can't help but think he will be feeling more sorry for himself than for you. (Sorry to say that as I know it is harsh, but unfortunately probably true.)

You sound lovely op.

Notjustabrunette · 14/02/2023 08:36

Op this sounds like a massive shit show. I would be surprised if they end up playing happy families. Honestly, what an awful way to start a relationship.

TiaraBoo · 14/02/2023 08:40

heartbroken26 · Yesterday 22:16
I can just imagine him playing happy families with her and the baby and I'm not going to lie it rips my heart! I hate him but I love him! I will never forgive him for this though! I've seen his true colours, the man I love doesn't exist, I feel like I'm grieving

If he couldn’t play happy families with his wife and newborn child, not really much chance he’s going to play happy families with side piece and a newborn child.

CookieDoughKid · 14/02/2023 08:45

Really sorry this has happened to you. In some ways.. at least you can move forward. The decision to leave him has been made easier and you won't be in limbo land. You seem like a good caring person. Grab your life and live it well. Without him!!

Runningonjammiedodgers · 14/02/2023 08:53

💐

Topi226 · 14/02/2023 08:55

The cheek of this girl to show up at your door, she sounds like a desperate side piece.

Crazycatlady75 · 14/02/2023 09:23

I've just been reading through all your posts and I wanted to say that my heart breaks for you but you are so much better than that idiot. Stay strong - sending you virtual hugs! 💐

Mix56 · 14/02/2023 09:26

He cant really come groveling asking for forgiveness now can he? He must know OW is pregnant by now. ( or saying she is temporarily )
I would allow him to come & "have the talk" , let him hang himself.
If he doesnt know, blow his mind with this news. Then say,
"We are definitively over, you can leave now"

Jaxinthebox · 14/02/2023 09:41

She showed up at YOUR door! OMFG what a total liberty. That is CFery.

He won't play happy families with her, he didn't with you. She reeks of desperation and he is no catch.

Im so glad you have your mum as your rock and I would tell your MIL exactly what the side piece said, showing up at your door and what she said. I would also let her know that he had a little gang of friends to cover for him. Despicable behaviour from friend.

Hugs for you OP, you are going to have a lot of emotions and they are all ok. You are going to need time to process it all.

WeepingSomnambulist · 14/02/2023 09:45

Was she drinking in the pub the night your friend said they were both there?

It is just very convenient for her to be pregnant just when he cuts her out. Bunny boiler and cheating bastard make a good pair.

I cannot believe she turned up at your door expecting you to pass messages for her. What sort of psycho is she? I wouldnt be able to let that lie. I'd have told his mum that his tart turned up at your door, where your children live. That's what he has brought down on you.

mumofblu · 14/02/2023 09:52

Valentine's Day is a day to share with those you love . If you don't have plans Make cakes to eat with your boys , get messy and eat them after . Show your boys that love is fun and giving .
It's overrated in my opinion ( and I'm married to a good un after years with a not good un / cheating bs )
And try not to give any thought to the lowlife .

Beautiful3 · 14/02/2023 09:53

Sending you hugs 💐 You will get through this, time is the biggest healer of them all. Remember, you deserve so much better.

ShandaLear · 14/02/2023 09:55

‘Congratulations, I hear you’re going to be a father again. I’d better get that divorce ball rolling fast.’

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 14/02/2023 10:09

Topi226 · 14/02/2023 08:55

The cheek of this girl to show up at your door, she sounds like a desperate side piece.

This

Fraaahnces · 14/02/2023 10:15

I bet she has a convenient and tragic “miscarriage” that leaves her utterly “traumatised” and that spineless sac sucked into the drama and miserably conned into a relationship he doesn’t want to be in. Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

jwoo23 · 14/02/2023 10:16

Oh sweetheart. You are being so strong and behaving so admirably. Thank you for continuing to share your story. I could cry for you. So much good advice on here and thank you to all those wise posters. Stay strong. You have your beautiful children to help you. Sending love and positivity and strength.