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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He is having an affair! Follow on thread

802 replies

heartbroken26 · 06/02/2023 21:00

I've made a follow on thread as frankly I need to continue to share my thoughts and gain support and advice from you all! I do feel a warmth reading all your lovely comments of support. Thank you!

OP posts:

mumof2andstillsurviving · 13/02/2023 18:43

I'm so sorry OP. it's really hard, and valentines day is just another shit reminder. I saw this today, it made me laugh news.sky.com/story/valentines-day-animal-shelter-offering-chance-to-have-an-exs-name-written-in-cats-litter-box-to-reveal-list-12809953 Animal shelter offering chance to have an ex's name in litter box for Valentine's Day to reveal list

cloudypink · 13/02/2023 18:44

@heartbroken26 absolutely disgusting. Vile man and his side piece! My heart breaks for you, but you're doing so well and all your virtual friends are here for you!
I can't believe the friend was in on it as well!! What an arsehole!
Keep strong lovely, sounds like you're got an amazing mum helping you through with this. ❤️ sending lots of hugs

Beaverbridge · 13/02/2023 19:28

Look forward to your weekend with mum and kids. You're doing great. Glad you told his alibi friend wife. Sneaky bastard. Big hug. X.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 13/02/2023 19:30

OP you are a class act and he is not worthy of you.

mummmmyj · 13/02/2023 19:30

Good to hear from you OP ❤️
Honestly you WILL get through this x

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/02/2023 19:39

I told him I wasn't feeling well yesterday and didn't want to chat yet

Very sensible of you, OP, and equally wise to be guarded in what you say to MIL

Incredible that he was stupid enough to be careless with the contraception if it really is true about his side bit being pregnant, but happily that's his problem to sort out - though I'd love to see him telling his mother!!

I can only repeat what everyone's said about you handling this brilliantly, and hope you have a truly lovely weekend with your mum and the DCs

Itgoesalittlesomethinglikethis · 13/02/2023 19:41

I hope you are ok @heartbroken26.
Well-done on setting the profile to single.
You are strong!
Having a weekend away will do you good x

juliettesmother · 13/02/2023 19:45

Stay strong. You are doing brilliantly

Peckhaminn · 13/02/2023 19:54

Hi OP. Been following since beginning. Hope all is well. Please let us know how you are. Sending hugs x

jenny38 · 13/02/2023 20:39

So sorry you are going through this OP. You are right to deal with things in your own time. No need to dance to his tune. I think the OW came to tell you she was pregnant, to minimise the chances of you taking him back. Catch that he is.
Only you can decide what happens next, but want you to know we are all behind you.

Orangessunshine · 13/02/2023 21:09

Your bloody wonderful as if your mother!

I can’t get over what a insult he is, an insult to hard working people genuinely working overtime to provide for his family, an insult to the word husband and a bloody insult to all glorious mothers at home.

Thank you’d or telling the wife of insta chap, I’d want to know if it was my DH.

keep strong you wonderful person, one day you’ll be able to be excited about what happens next ❤️

Orangessunshine · 13/02/2023 21:10

that should’ve read your wonderful as is your mother!

Lorry10 · 13/02/2023 21:31

Didn't the friend also say he was in the pub later? She went for the OP to check. But, and I might have this wrong, was there a point where it was confirmed he was in the local that evening with this other woman?

Is that why the friend had to come clean as to who it was ? The husband and sister would have engaged with her in the pub.

3luckystars · 13/02/2023 21:40

I’m so sorry. I hope you have good support around you. What an awful thing to happen. Swine!!

Noodlehen · 13/02/2023 21:44

Echoing all the previous posters, you are so so strong OP ❤️

ItchyBillco · 13/02/2023 22:05

He has shamed himself so much by doing this to you, but to actually have been so careless as to have got her pregnant is truly disgusting. That shows the callous disregard he had for your health, he only wanted to dip his wick. Utterly foul.

You’re so much better being free of this man, but I know it will take time to land there.

He will languish in his shame and the disgust of others for a long time to come. And you’re doing really, really well in the meantime.

Original poster

heartbroken26 · 13/02/2023 22:16

I can just imagine him playing happy families with her and the baby and I'm not going to lie it rips my heart! I hate him but I love him! I will never forgive him for this though! I've seen his true colours, the man I love doesn't exist, I feel like I'm grieving

OP posts:

WaitingForEgg · 13/02/2023 22:18

You are grieving. Like you say you are grieving the husband you thought you had. This woman is an absolute fool. She thinks he will be faithful to her? He isn’t capable of treating a woman well. You have been so strong and so so brave throughout this whole thing.

mumofblu · 13/02/2023 22:19

You are grieving
The loss of a man who has not been truthful. The loss of the life you thought you had . You will learn a new way of living and you will be great judging by your posts . He has lost far more than you . Stupid man x

AcrossthePond55 · 13/02/2023 22:25

And it's OK to grieve. It's that 'death of the dream' thing. You had your plans made for the future, you 'knew' what the future held. And he's blown that all to hell. Of course you're going to grieve! Just remember you aren't grieving HIM, you're grieving the death of your dream.

And you can hate and love at the same time, they're two sides of the same coin. But both the love and the hate will fade until you reach indifference, at least for yourself. You will still hate it when/if he does things to hurt your DC, but for you personally, you will reach the point where you just don't care what he does.

As far as this supposedly coming baby, that is something that is totally beyond your control, so don't waste valuable energy on useless imaginings. And remember, he's a liar and a cheat and he's rapidly heading towards 'Shit Dad of the Year' She's not getting much of a bargain, is she?

Beaverbridge · 13/02/2023 22:25

He wonted be playing happy families, trust me. The so called fun would be the shagging about and sneaking around. That, ll all finish with a baby in tow. Pair of clowns.

MaydinEssex · 13/02/2023 22:36

I've been following your post ever since you first posted. You are really strong and dignified. You should be so proud of how you are handling this shitty situation that the bastard has created. Hope you enjoy your time away at the weekend with your wonderful rock of a mum and your two little ones, you are amazing, and as soon as your babies are old enough, they will think so too xx

Fraaahnces · 13/02/2023 22:37

I know you’ve probably thought of this already, but I am going to be realistic here again (Nurse) and suggest you take yourself off for a full STI screening as well. Now you know they have been having unprotected sex, well…. You know. (You don’t know where she’s been, or if she’s the only one…)

Citylady88 · 13/02/2023 22:37

The new baby stage is what he was avoiding with this 'golf' hobby wasn't it, so I doubt he'll be playing happy families. Her coming yo your home where you live with your children shows you what little regard she has for the welfare and feelings of his children & he should take that into consideration when considering his next steps withregard to this awful woman and her possibe pregnancy. You should take some time to really decide if you do want to even consider reconciliation, and not be pushed into rush decisions because of this news.

Smineusername · 13/02/2023 22:53

Well at least there will be no sweeping it all under the carpet and pretending it never happened. He is going to face some pretty heavy consequences. And better now than in ten years. The baby at least will be spared. Grasping at straws really, your world has been turned completely upside down, but I have faith you will rise like a phoenix from the flames. Everything for a reason. You were too good for him and now you know it. Solidarity x

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