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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He is having an affair! Follow on thread

802 replies

heartbroken26 · 06/02/2023 21:00

I've made a follow on thread as frankly I need to continue to share my thoughts and gain support and advice from you all! I do feel a warmth reading all your lovely comments of support. Thank you!

OP posts:
skimpychipswithsauce · 07/02/2023 18:49

Omg I'm trying to read posts as I was so upset for the op last night but am I reading it correctly that it was the friend that told her, was it that friends sister that was having the affair? If so that's just utter heartache

Bluetrews25 · 07/02/2023 19:04

Ooops, yes, Spartacus! Blush Going to blame my ancient brain.
Thank you @ReneBumsWombats

jelly79 · 07/02/2023 19:31

OP my heart breaks for you reading this and how devastated you must be

Be kind to yourself and deal with it day by day. Just by being with your boys and looking after yourself

He will keep and you can talk to him when you are ready!

Like many I have been there and as broken as you feel now, it won't always be like this. He will love to regret this whilst you get stronger each day

Sending love xx

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 07/02/2023 19:45

What an absolute fucking cunt he is.

I'm not far from you if you ever want someone to chat to or provide an alibi.

Shunkleisshiny · 07/02/2023 20:11

THEDEACON · 07/02/2023 18:40

You have a good friend there her loyalties were split but she only took 3 days to do the right thing by you . Your husband is a lowlife lying cheating excuse for a man How dare he blame you ! ( Exclamation mark used deliberately and correctly ) Get legal advice and don't entertain his attempts to contact you until you are ready to tell him how things are going to be

I have been following this from the start, and what made me think wtf? was when the 'shopping outlet' was mentioned and the dickhead looked panicked.

Yet he still met up with that st in the local pub later that day!!!!! No 'we have to be discreet, HB26 suspects something ' just carried on with their sneaky sleazy affair. The hubris on these two is unbelievable.

Shunkleisshiny · 07/02/2023 20:12

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ReneBumsWombats · 07/02/2023 20:24

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What, him? Yes, for sure. Shitting on his family like that. He's a total slapper.

1000yellowdaisies · 07/02/2023 20:41

So sorry Op. What an absolute shit he is and what a nasty cow the ow is doing this when you've just had a baby. Talk about opportunistic.
Stay strong and just think of your lovely children.
Agree with pps about being careful with MIL. Im sure she's fine and wants to support you but when the dust settles her loyalty will be with her son.
Sending hugs x

VeronicaFranklin · 07/02/2023 21:21

So I have just read your other thread OP and come to this one, I am so sorry this is happening to you, especially with a baby while you are still on maternity leave. How dare he, what is wrong with men, seriously!

You will get through this, stay strong. He will regret it and as for your friends sister, knowing he is married with young children, I'm sure karma will bite her in the butt when someone does it to her one day!

Chchchchangess · 07/02/2023 21:35

I’m two weeks post the discovery of my husbands 4 month affair. I have a 4 and a 7 year old - both boys.

i know how you feel and it’s brutal. I spent days crying and staring at the wall trying ti process everything. My body was in absolute shock.

Its very early days but I sought legal advice and felt stronger. ive had ups and downs as expected.

you will be better off without this lying deadweight. How dare he!

Princessbananahamock · 07/02/2023 22:20

I’m so sorry this has happened to you.xx The early days are the most horrible, to me it was like someone had ripped my gut out. Don’t trust his family or friends kept your cards close . I found out by him leaving an iPad behind for our daughter to play with got into his Facebook page said my peace ! They all knew assholes.
I took a long time to get over the betrayal and lies. Then all the crap sort out cms council tax etc….
life is soo so much better now peaceful and chilled.
You will feel awful for a while your whole future has been ripped apart and before seems like a fake life. You’ll get through xx

kateandme · 07/02/2023 22:52

oh and also please dont beleive this has anything to do with you not giving him sex. this wasnt a problem for him AT all. this was his abusive way of trying to blame nyou and turn the table and make YOU feel bad. it wouldnt have even crossed his mind that this was an issue within your relationship.he just wanted a fucking affair. he just wanted to blame you which makes it all the more disgusting.
jesus especially at this little after birth

Longtimeuser · 07/02/2023 23:00

Oh op. I hope you are doing ok. Send good wishes your way.

bellylaughsalldaylong · 07/02/2023 23:30

Oh OP he’s a bastard.

i know it’s hurtful but honestly everyone will be thinking what a prick he is and what a cow she is. And they’d be right!

girdlewearer · 08/02/2023 01:05

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sunlovingcriminal · 08/02/2023 07:11

@op I am so sorry 😞. I too read the previous thread and wanted it to be a genuine mistake. What an arsehole.

If you get a chance download or buy the chump lady book or audio (can get on Amazon). Do this when you're ready, it js probably a bit early at this point. But she really helped me put what my ex husband had done into perspective. He has shown you that he has a lack of moral compass.

Would you do this with two small children in tow? No. Would you do it to the man you loved? No. Would you do it when you have so much to lose? No. Yet he did. He's shown you who he is. Believe him, leave him, and rebuild your life. You can do it.

Go and get some legal advice and work out what you're entitled to. You can do this. Xx

Revengers · 08/02/2023 10:59

Oh OP, I'm so sad to see that this is true, my heart goes out to you, he will regret what he did for the rest of his life.

Don't even put another seconds thought into the OW. She's the tart on the side, you're the mother of his children, you are not the same. It's a shame that your husband didn't see that when it mattered.

Hope you get through this and come out strong on the other side. xx

Original poster
heartbroken26 · 08/02/2023 15:09

Hi all! Just to give you an update. MIL collected children as planned... the knob bought them home! Totally took me by surprise! I was not happy! However he stayed at the door step and didn't attempt to come in, still trying to say how sorry he is, he bought me flowers! Flowers! As if that's gonna Bluddy cut it!! Cheeky sod! He's staying with his brother and his wife, rekons he hasn't been anyway near the other woman! I don't know what to believe! I'm now just feeling so sad! My little boy keeps asking for his dad, he's too young to understand what's going on. I'm remaining firm, the flowers just gave me more strength to my anger to be honest! My friend has been lovely, told me shel give me space if needs and apologised about the way she had to tell me. Her sister has fallen out with her. So she's not without hurt either now bless her

OP posts:
FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 08/02/2023 15:12

Why do they always make a virtue of not seeing the ow? Surely not having sex with her in the first place would be better?

Andypandy799 · 08/02/2023 15:24

@FormerlyPathologicallyHappy exactly! I would have thrown the flowers at him cf

billy1966 · 08/02/2023 15:27

OP,

I agree with the others, be careful of your MIL, she should have given you a heads up.

She was wrong to allow him return them.

Flowers?

He is such a tacky cliché.

Do not give him a second thought, focus on yourself.

He doesn't deserve you.

He has cheated not just on you, but on your children.

Andypandy799 · 08/02/2023 15:33

Well put Billy

MourningTea · 08/02/2023 15:37

Bet mil suggested flowers and kiss and make up.
He wary of her she is not your friend.

MsDogLady · 08/02/2023 15:56

Wow. You told him to stay away, yet he felt entitled to stomp on that boundary and used the children and flowers to do so.

HB26, he hasn’t learned a thing. He continues to put his wants/needs front and center while riding roughshod over yours.

I agree with Billy that MIL really let you down by changing the plans and allowing you to be ambushed.

Keep your boundaries strong in the face of their manipulative agenda. Flowers

Chchchchangess · 08/02/2023 15:59

Please be careful. I remember how vulnerable I was - and still am now he’s done it for the final time - when this happened to me with a young baby.

you sound so much stronger than me.

i took my husband back - there was no OW present apparently but I’m thinking she was just never discovered - but he did act sus and move out. He came back and I let him becuase I was so afraid of life without home. 4 years later after buying our dream home and having a holiday of a lifetime he’s done it again. This time it’s a full blown affair and he’s admitted it all. I’ve filed for divorce and wish to god I’d done it the first time and not wasted another 4 years feeling resentful of his previous behaviour.

stsy strong