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Original poster

These messages are not innocent right ?

139 replies

anu22 · 05/02/2023 06:48

Don't know why but decided to snoop DH phone tonight- not something I usually do
Anyway found Facebook messenger messages between him and a mutual acquaintance- who I thought he only knew in passing and who I knew better via other mums / mutual friends. She even brought her son to my sons birthday party in September

So even to begin with the messaging was fucking weird as never mentioned and acted like they barely knew one another

We'd bumped into her out last night and he'd messaged her to say she looked great today !!

Further messaging on the surface innocent but def a flirty tone. One in particular about how her husband doesn't like mine and she says well we gave him good reason and then hints about a night out when watchful eyes said they'd been a bit naughty and she'd taken advantage of a drunk man.

My heart is literally pounding out of my chest I feel like I'm having a heart attack right now.

I took pics of the messages anyway. There is absolutely no way these are purely innocent even if they're just flirting a bit I'm so devastated I can't sleep

OP posts:
Whydidimarryhim · 05/02/2023 07:22

Hi op sorry you have come across this - it’s flirting isn’t it.
How would you feel about talking to him about this?
Some may say watch and wait?
Hopefully others will be along soon to give you some input.

Poppyblush · 05/02/2023 07:23

Take Photos of them in case he deletes them.

Original poster
anu22 · 05/02/2023 07:29

Already done !!

OP posts:
Original poster
anu22 · 05/02/2023 07:30

Yeah maybe just some flirting for fun but it's so humiliating that I thought they didn't even know each other and saw her last night and she's messaging my husband behind my back wtf

OP posts:
Original poster
anu22 · 05/02/2023 07:30

He will definitely try and minimize it he's already said I'd never cheat on you etx but I actually feel like he has by just messaging behind my back. It's still not innocent.

OP posts:
Mylaferret · 05/02/2023 07:33

One in particular about how her husband doesn't like mine and she says well we gave him good reason and then hints about a night out when watchful eyes said they'd been a bit naughty and she'd taken advantage of a drunk man.

If that was my husband id certainly be asking questions about this. Suggests something physical has already happened on some level.

ZenNudist · 05/02/2023 07:33

Sounds worrying. Do you think they've already done something?

Original poster
anu22 · 05/02/2023 07:35

I mean the wording certainly suggests a snog or fumble (they're discussing a night out I didn't even know happened) or something not entirely appropriate whatever it might have been
The watchful eyes thing is killing me cos I'm wondering who has seen something and not told me

OP posts:
FenghuangHoyan · 05/02/2023 07:39

He's hiding a relationship he has with her by pretending he hardly knows her when I'm fact he obviously does. The message that says he and her gave her husband a reason to not like him is pretty clear, I mean, what else would it be with two people who are hiding a relationship? Sounds like her husband is suspicious of yours.

There's nothing that you can 100% point at that would hold up in a court of law, but they're doing something together that they're hiding and it doesn't sound like planning a surprise party for you.

purpleypinkwitch · 05/02/2023 07:44

Were you there the night she referred to when she said they'd given her husband reason to dislike your husband? Did you see anything going on?

Original poster
anu22 · 05/02/2023 07:46

I have absolutely no idea where I was but I do travel for work a fair bit so I can only assume it was then. They're talking about a nightclub local to us that our age group and friends go too but he never mentioned having had a night out there so fuck knows
Even if it's "just" messaging I'm so betrayed and disgusted I don't even know what to do

OP posts:
Remagirl · 05/02/2023 07:47

I'd be tempted to send the images to her and ask her wtf is this about. I'd also say you are about to forward them to her husband too. Why should you be the only one feeling upset 😢

meetmeatmidnights · 05/02/2023 07:48

anu22 · 05/02/2023 07:35

I mean the wording certainly suggests a snog or fumble (they're discussing a night out I didn't even know happened) or something not entirely appropriate whatever it might have been
The watchful eyes thing is killing me cos I'm wondering who has seen something and not told me

This is the bit that stood out to me, that's clear insinuation that something has happened. It's bad enough he's messaging someone telling her how good she looked on this day, that's deliberate and planned contact making on the back of her appearance.

How come you didn't know about this night out? Could you randomly mention it today to see his reaction? See if he's suspicious?

Tbh I'd be all in for the confrontation and be telling him I knew something had happened on the night out.

purpleypinkwitch · 05/02/2023 07:51

I'd be furious if I were you - it is a real betrayal. He will minimise it and I'm sure she will too. If her husband doesn't like yours already then fuck knows what he'd think of him if you forwarded those messages.

cunderthunt1 · 05/02/2023 07:52

Sackable offence imo

icelollycraving · 05/02/2023 07:52

If you don’t feel you can confront him (whatever your reason) I’d put into conversation something like ‘you know Sarah, Ben’s mum? We saw her yesterday? She’s been having a bit of a fling with one of the dads. It’s not the first time either apparently, her poor husband. See his reaction.

FenghuangHoyan · 05/02/2023 07:52

purpleypinkwitch · 05/02/2023 07:51

I'd be furious if I were you - it is a real betrayal. He will minimise it and I'm sure she will too. If her husband doesn't like yours already then fuck knows what he'd think of him if you forwarded those messages.

I did think about the OP having a word with the other woman's husband and asking if he knows they're messaging. There is probably a reason he's got a dislike for the OPs husband.

Original poster
anu22 · 05/02/2023 07:53

Yeah I can't really see a way to explain this away and make it all silly and innocent! SOMETHING clearly happened that they're saying was "naughty" and inappropriate so what can he really say about that ? It would be more insulting for him to even try and explain it away
I actually woke him up as he was having a lovely sleep and I thought fuck you I can't sleep so I'm going to freak you out
Woke him up and just say "NAME OF WOMAN hey?"
You could see he was not sure what I knew or how I knew and the cogs were working overtime
I've left him too it and come downstairs can't see me sleeping now (we're not on uk timezone it's middle of night here)

OP posts:
Hesanuttercunt · 05/02/2023 07:53

So sorry OP it sounds like he has strayed as well as the flirty messages. You need a face to face talk with him.

I'd probably send the messages to her husband as well but I'm petty like that!

icelollycraving · 05/02/2023 07:53

The fact other people saw them is awful. He’s humiliating you with no regard. Some people are so bloody shit.

cunderthunt1 · 05/02/2023 07:54

anu22 · 05/02/2023 07:53

Yeah I can't really see a way to explain this away and make it all silly and innocent! SOMETHING clearly happened that they're saying was "naughty" and inappropriate so what can he really say about that ? It would be more insulting for him to even try and explain it away
I actually woke him up as he was having a lovely sleep and I thought fuck you I can't sleep so I'm going to freak you out
Woke him up and just say "NAME OF WOMAN hey?"
You could see he was not sure what I knew or how I knew and the cogs were working overtime
I've left him too it and come downstairs can't see me sleeping now (we're not on uk timezone it's middle of night here)

Bet he's shitting himself

Original poster
anu22 · 05/02/2023 07:55

Sent her a WhatsApp saying I had no idea you and H name were such good mates
So she can wake up and shit herself about that

OP posts:
Moonshine86 · 05/02/2023 07:55

Could you speak to the husband?

FenghuangHoyan · 05/02/2023 07:55

When he comes down to ask what you meant, tell him to tell you what you meant and see what he will admit to.

cunderthunt1 · 05/02/2023 07:56

FenghuangHoyan · 05/02/2023 07:55

When he comes down to ask what you meant, tell him to tell you what you meant and see what he will admit to.

Yes