These messages are not innocent right ?

[anu22]

Don't know why but decided to snoop DH phone tonight- not something I usually do
Anyway found Facebook messenger messages between him and a mutual acquaintance- who I thought he only knew in passing and who I knew better via other mums / mutual friends. She even brought her son to my sons birthday party in September

So even to begin with the messaging was fucking weird as never mentioned and acted like they barely knew one another

We'd bumped into her out last night and he'd messaged her to say she looked great today !!

Further messaging on the surface innocent but def a flirty tone. One in particular about how her husband doesn't like mine and she says well we gave him good reason and then hints about a night out when watchful eyes said they'd been a bit naughty and she'd taken advantage of a drunk man.

My heart is literally pounding out of my chest I feel like I'm having a heart attack right now.

I took pics of the messages anyway. There is absolutely no way these are purely innocent even if they're just flirting a bit I'm so devastated I can't sleep

I had a similar situation years ago. Looked through my (then) H phone when he was passed out drunk, and found evidence of him shagging my best friend. I didn't tell anyone and I now deeply regret it. I wish I had shouted it from the rooftops. So yes, I'd be telling her husband. I'd turn up at their house with the messages.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that you decided to check his phone. I think you had an instinct/on some level knew something was wrong. This sounds dodgy to me ☹️

Good for you!

Don’t get involved in tit for tat. The woman and her husband are nothing to do with you.

Focus in your husband and your relationship and whether you are going to dump his pathetic arse or give him another chance.

Why? If you've come to the conclusion that your partner is a 'twat', the time for explanations is past.

Such drama in so many of these pieces of advice. OP needs to work out what she wants to do about her relationship, and take steps towards that. Nothing further needs to be done, and will complicate matters further.

I might consider messaging her again and telling her you are going to have a conversation with her already suspicious husband about what you have found.

Anu, you must be shocked to the core. Your H has been up to no good with this OW and has been creating distance between you to justify it.

Your December thread detailed how he’d recently been creating conflict by twisting your words, criticizing you, and accusing you of being snappy when you hadn’t been. You’d been constantly examining yourself while walking on eggshells and feeling gaslighted. He was especially mean after your 2 week work trip (you work for him). He has also been hard on the children.

Now you’re on to him and his agenda. While being cruel at home, he’s been sharing secrets with OW. They’ve made a mockery of you and the children—pretending to be mere acquaintances when actually carrying on some form of illicit relationship.

Stand your ground, Anu. Don’t allow him to downplay his disloyalty or manipulate you with accusations/blame shifting. You need to have the full story of this betrayal, and he needs to experience some uncomfortable consequences of his faithless behavior. He needs to understand exactly what he stands to lose.

Your head must be spinning. @anu22

Well done for having the presence of mind to alert the OW of her findings with such dignity. Let them dig themselves out their hole.

@anu22 what made you look at his phone? Your gut alerted you to something.

Meant to add: Even without the infidelity, I would seriously consider ending the relationship due to the utter contempt he has shown to you and the children.

You just have to know what you do and don't find acceptable.

He's not committed to you because he's keeping others on the go. You don't do that when you are committed to someone.

I get it, I've put up with a lot myself, but objectively if you accept this then you're accepting being with someone who is going to flirt behind your back and probably cheat on you.

In my opinion you should just let him know you won't settle for someone who does that so goodbye.

I've read your entire thread. I'm so sorry this is unfolding 💐
The message she sent does make it sound like they have been cosy in some way, which is not acceptable.
Look after yourself, you are in the position of power here, not her, not him.
Wishing you healing x

If he refuses to leave tell him you're forwarding the messages to her husband. No doubt his bags would be packed within a few minutes.

No way would I be able to be under the same roof as him when dealing with this.

Did he come clean?

How are you, OP? x