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Original poster

These messages are not innocent right ?

139 replies

anu22 · 05/02/2023 06:48

Don't know why but decided to snoop DH phone tonight- not something I usually do
Anyway found Facebook messenger messages between him and a mutual acquaintance- who I thought he only knew in passing and who I knew better via other mums / mutual friends. She even brought her son to my sons birthday party in September

So even to begin with the messaging was fucking weird as never mentioned and acted like they barely knew one another

We'd bumped into her out last night and he'd messaged her to say she looked great today !!

Further messaging on the surface innocent but def a flirty tone. One in particular about how her husband doesn't like mine and she says well we gave him good reason and then hints about a night out when watchful eyes said they'd been a bit naughty and she'd taken advantage of a drunk man.

My heart is literally pounding out of my chest I feel like I'm having a heart attack right now.

I took pics of the messages anyway. There is absolutely no way these are purely innocent even if they're just flirting a bit I'm so devastated I can't sleep

OP posts:
Asurvivor · 05/02/2023 11:14

Be aware that she will likely try to message him now and quite possibly they will come up with some cover story. So best not to let him know how you know as then you are more likely to get to the truth - they won’t be able to cover all their tracks.

midsomermurderess · 05/02/2023 11:16

This reply has been deleted

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rothbury · 05/02/2023 11:17

I absolutely would not leave. Are you in a country where you are protected financially if you split?

For me, if there’s no trust, there’s no relationship. However, I am aware some people could get over this.

If it’s over for you, and he refuses to leave, I would instigate divorce proceedings. I would also send those messages to OW husband but I’m a vengeful bitch.

YouTarzan · 05/02/2023 11:24

if he decides you’ve split up with him he could refuse to let you back in the house and you no longer have primary residency of your children

This is absolute bollox

rainbowstardrops · 05/02/2023 11:27

What a pair of arses they are! I bet he's shutting himself. I'd probably stretch the truth and say you've heard rumours on the grapevine. If he tries to deny it, you could then say that's why you looked at his phone.

Have you had any reason to be suspicious of him previously?

NortieTortie · 05/02/2023 11:31

Could you send the pics to her husband and ask what it means? It seems like he knows more than you

Chiconbelge · 05/02/2023 11:32

Hats off to you for saying “who cares?” when he asked if you looked at his phone - you were so right!

Schnooze · 05/02/2023 11:34

Blackmail him into leaving by the Facebook threat, but then I’d contact the husband and get all the pieces of the jigsaw, as a pp said.

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 11:36

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 05/02/2023 08:37

well we gave him good reason and then hints about a night out when watchful eyes said they'd been a bit naughty and she'd taken advantage of a drunk man.

So they've fucked. It's not just flirty messages. They've actually fucked is what that says to me.

That doesn't say they've fucked to me, not at all.

It says they've groped, snogged or similar.

Doesnt change the fact they're sliding into an affair though.

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 11:39

What country are you in?

I hope it's not in the ME?

If so, you might have to pretend to swallow his excuses and apologies (though he actually sounds like too much of c*not to apologise) and lay low and try to get back to the UK or wherever.

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 11:39

You need specialist legal advice

Mirroredlove · 05/02/2023 11:42

Message her and say you know what’s happened because your husband has told you or tel your husband she admitted it and see what the other says, that’s when their normally caught out but do it with him there so they can’t communicate a story

Watchkeys · 05/02/2023 11:44

Mirroredlove · 05/02/2023 11:42

Message her and say you know what’s happened because your husband has told you or tel your husband she admitted it and see what the other says, that’s when their normally caught out but do it with him there so they can’t communicate a story

What would be the point of this. OP already knows he's betrayed her by being 'naughty' with and messaging another woman. What does she stand to gain by trapping them and finding out details?

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/02/2023 11:46

Why on earth would you leave your children like that instead of telling him to go? Tell him you'll tell the other husband if he doesn't go.

Original poster
anu22 · 05/02/2023 11:48

Thanks for all the replies I had about an hour sleep hee still sleeping or pretending too. I really don't think he will agree to leave -even for the day to let me be alone. I'm waiting for what he's going to say about it- spinning some story.

OP posts:
Alaldlccmemsjzja · 05/02/2023 11:49

anu22 · 05/02/2023 11:48

Thanks for all the replies I had about an hour sleep hee still sleeping or pretending too. I really don't think he will agree to leave -even for the day to let me be alone. I'm waiting for what he's going to say about it- spinning some story.

If he doesn’t even leave for the day to let you think that says more about him than the messages do

Danioo · 05/02/2023 11:50

Focus on your husband, not her. He is the one who has betrayed you.

Keep your dignity, you have the moral high ground, don't lose it by playing games etc.

It won't seem it now, but in time you'll be glad he's shown his true colours now..I was anyway.

Sandra1984 · 05/02/2023 11:52

anu22 · 05/02/2023 07:55

Sent her a WhatsApp saying I had no idea you and H name were such good mates
So she can wake up and shit herself about that

🤣😂🤣

BubziOwl · 05/02/2023 11:52

Danioo · 05/02/2023 11:50

Focus on your husband, not her. He is the one who has betrayed you.

Keep your dignity, you have the moral high ground, don't lose it by playing games etc.

It won't seem it now, but in time you'll be glad he's shown his true colours now..I was anyway.

Yeah I'm sure she's a piece of work too, but don't get involved in a spat with her. It's not worth your energy - focus on your cheating husband.

From what you've said, I cannot see what innocent explanation for the messages about a night out there could be.

Don't let him turn this around into a thing about you looking through his messages either.

Keepyourmummysboys · 05/02/2023 11:53

What is with all the blame her shit?

op deal with him first off and yes he is flirting, but I doubt he is cheating yet, as anyone cheating doesn’t use messenger but maybe they had a drunken fumble.

Bankofrave · 05/02/2023 11:55

Keepyourmummysboys · 05/02/2023 11:53

What is with all the blame her shit?

op deal with him first off and yes he is flirting, but I doubt he is cheating yet, as anyone cheating doesn’t use messenger but maybe they had a drunken fumble.

So a drunken fumble doesnt constitute cheating? It does in my married world/

Gemmanorthdevon · 05/02/2023 11:57

Get your ducks in a row now. Leave them to it!

flabbygoldfish · 05/02/2023 11:59

It sounds like her husband was onto something\suspicious as well. Is it worth trying to contact him to see what he knows?

Watchkeys · 05/02/2023 12:00

So a drunken fumble doesnt constitute cheating? It does in my married world

Same here, @Bankofrave

It's a breach of trust. I have no idea how relationships come back from this.

Keepyourmummysboys · 05/02/2023 12:03

Sorry yes, poorly written of course it’s cheating. I meant I don’t think he’s having an affair. Yet.