Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Could he be having an affair???

972 replies

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 11:41

Name changed for this!! I don't even know why im posting!! I don't know anything yet?! Im hoping it's all innocent!!

Today my husband told me he was going off to golf! No problem, it's a hobby he's taken up in the last 6 months and goes off most weekends! He always said it's a good de stresser as we have 2 children under 5, one of which is an baby. So of course I've had no reason to suspect anything untoward!!

My friend text me saying she's seen him with a woman shopping in the next town over!!! She doesn't think he saw her.

I don't know what to do, say, do I ring him? Do I confront him when he's home? I'm hoping my friend is wrong 😩

OP posts:
Benjispruce4 · 04/02/2023 14:20

You normally take the golf bag, not loose clubs.

BellePeppa · 04/02/2023 14:21

Youpillock · 04/02/2023 13:44

Of course it's not.

Show quote history

Can I ask why you think not? I’m asking for a reason.

ClaireEclair · 04/02/2023 14:22

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 14:17

I've never had reason to believe that he would ever do this, he's not been acting strange, or changed habits. Other than the golf of course. He's not secretive with his phone, but on the other hand he knows I never go near it, I've never needed to, I'm so sad. I'm hoping this is all a massive mistake. Also, I know nothing of Golf. I know he has several clubs. Could it be that he's just left some behind he didn't want to use or am I just clutching at straws here

Is there a bag of golf clubs or just some random golf clubs lying around?

Benjispruce4 · 04/02/2023 14:23

Defo let him tell you about his day first. Ask him who he played with, which course etc Then say, someone saw him elsewhere, clubs in garage, location switched off and watch his face.

roundofapplause · 04/02/2023 14:24

So sorry you're going through this OP. If true and he is cheating and there isn't some simple explanation, I've been in your shoes and the pain cannot be described. Only you can decide what to do for your family but trust us hard to rebuild. We separated but I could never have stayed with him.

My dad is an avid golfer and if he's played golf he will need his whole golf bag. Does he have an Apple Watch or something that you can check his steps on? You easily walk 10k around 18 holes of golf.

Original poster
heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 14:24

Its random clubs? No bag? Could there me hope for me yet?

OP posts:
roundofapplause · 04/02/2023 14:24

EmilyGilmoresSass · 04/02/2023 14:18

I know others have said it, but just wanted to let you know I'll be thinking of you today. I've been there twice, once with a 15 month old. It was definitely one of the lowest points in my life as I also suspected nothing. But believe me, some day you will look back and realise what an absolute piece of shit he really is. Be kind to yourself and I'm glad your friend is coming to you.

Absolutely this!

Comeonbarbiebrianharvey · 04/02/2023 14:24

Not sure how certain your friend is. If he denies it and says its a doppelganger could you look up the shopping centre and phone or email to ask for cctv of that period outside that shop, I think legally you can ask for cctv if you think you're in it ? DBIL got it from a shop once to use it to dispute the times on a parking ticket. Don't tell him about cctv though.

Benjispruce4 · 04/02/2023 14:25

Random clubs could be ok. But why location off and your friend is sure it was him.

MrWhippersnapper · 04/02/2023 14:26

ask him to send you a pic from golf

Benjispruce4 · 04/02/2023 14:26

Can you drive to the golf club and see if you can see him come in off the course?

rogueone · 04/02/2023 14:26

Check the car when he returns and see if he has golf kit in there - make an excuse that you need to quickly see if you can find one of the kids toys. Then when it isn’t there you confront him

gettingalifttothestation · 04/02/2023 14:27

Butterflyball · 04/02/2023 11:51

Just an idea..do you have a birthday or anniversary coming up and maybe he has a female friend/ family etc so he's getting help choosing you a gift. Would be a bit stupid of him to be shopping with someone if it's an affair?

Hahahaha

Benjispruce4 · 04/02/2023 14:28

When DH plays he is tired after and you can smell the fresh air in him and tell he has been outside for hours.

MayThe4th · 04/02/2023 14:28

Well, friend came and went quickly didn’t she?

Maybe the friend is actually stirring. If you wanted to make someone insecure about their marriage say you’ve seen their husband in town with another woman.

Or alternatively maybe the woman he’s having an affair with is the friend. She wouldn’t be the first OW claiming to have seen someone’s husband with another woman….

Iceicebabytoocold · 04/02/2023 14:28

Did your friend say how he was with this other lady? We’re they holding hands etc.. is she sure he was with her, what we they doing?

Panama2 · 04/02/2023 14:29

To play a round of golf he would definitely need his golf bag. So unless he has taken his bag as a cover in case you looked in his car or the garage it would appear he is playing golf.

Choconut · 04/02/2023 14:29

When you hear the car just look out and see if he gets golf clubs out. He might leave some random ones behind I guess and your friend might have been mistaken so I wouldn't go in all guns blazing right away.

Benjispruce4 · 04/02/2023 14:30

Or he will have taken the clubs as cover so that doesn’t mean he was playing golf just that he was pretending to go.

Can2022getanyworse · 04/02/2023 14:30

Our golf club won't let you play with random clubs, you have to have a bag. Your own bag, they don't even allow sharing.

SouperNoodle · 04/02/2023 14:30

Don't mention anything yet as he has time to cover his tracks. Just wait and look through his phone.

CrazyLadie · 04/02/2023 14:30

endoftheworldniteclub · 04/02/2023 12:50

Hide the golf clubs and see how many more months it will take before he asks where they are.

I love this, I would t be able to wait for a period but if I coudl I ould do this

Powertoyou · 04/02/2023 14:31

Go out to the car when he comes back and say you’ll help him in with his golf clubs.

Smutternutmosh · 04/02/2023 14:31

My bil has two doppelgangers locally and one is in the same village. I'm very good with faces and the differences in them iyswim and I really wasn't sure if it was him or not for a minute or two. Anyway, point being, there is a chance your friend could be wrong, even if she is genuinely "sure".

The location being turned off would be more concerning for me.

I really hope it's something innocent though @heartbroken26 My heart was racing with anxiety just reading your updates, so goodness knows what you're going through.

Have you decided yet how you're going to play this?

CrazyLadie · 04/02/2023 14:32

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 14:00

Oh. Thank you, honestly. I didn't know, I thought was a way of showing anger, shock, concern. I so appreciate you letting me know. Even though my grammar should be the last thing on my mind. But thank you for saying it in a kind way

Show quote history

I would disagree and say the opposite, exclamation marks are used to shock,surprise, emphasis feelings

Swipe left for the next trending thread