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Original poster

Could he be having an affair???

972 replies

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 11:41

Name changed for this!! I don't even know why im posting!! I don't know anything yet?! Im hoping it's all innocent!!

Today my husband told me he was going off to golf! No problem, it's a hobby he's taken up in the last 6 months and goes off most weekends! He always said it's a good de stresser as we have 2 children under 5, one of which is an baby. So of course I've had no reason to suspect anything untoward!!

My friend text me saying she's seen him with a woman shopping in the next town over!!! She doesn't think he saw her.

I don't know what to do, say, do I ring him? Do I confront him when he's home? I'm hoping my friend is wrong 😩

OP posts:
Rosellee · 04/02/2023 13:36

I can just hear his response now.

'It wasn't me she saw, I promise you that. Look, I swear on DC's life that I was not in town shopping. I was playing golf. I forgot my clubs so borrowed Dave's. Phone him if you don't believe me.'

Highfivemum · 04/02/2023 13:37

So sorry to hear this.
to be honest even if he wasn’t with another woman he is seriously taking the P*. Two little children and he goes off all weekend. !! When is he a Dad to them and a DH to you.
I hope you sort it.
sending hugs to you

LavenderSloe · 04/02/2023 13:37

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 13:35

Thank you for all your support, I'm not sure why im being called out for using exclamation marks! It's a habit! Is it bad? Do I need to stop doing it? My friend is 100% sure it's him!! Ok, this may be outing, I said next town but it's not somewhere I would ever think to go! Nor him? Swindon designer outlet, so far enough from Forest of Dean but not too far! So I don't think he would have thought he would see anyone he knows. My friend saw him walking past a shop she was in which is how he didn't see her

OK if he was at a shopping outlet, do you have online banking or any way you can check where he's spent £ today?

Snowpatrolling · 04/02/2023 13:37

I think you have all the evidence you need.
id make sure my friend who saw him was with me when I confront him.
ask him how golf was, if he says ok then who’s clubs did you use?
then friend can pipe up, but I seen you in town with another woman? you wernt at golf?
he will stumble and his reaction will tell you what you already know.

I wouldn’t be dragging this out trying to find more evidence. So sorry op. X

Bog · 04/02/2023 13:37

Rosellee · 04/02/2023 13:36

I can just hear his response now.

'It wasn't me she saw, I promise you that. Look, I swear on DC's life that I was not in town shopping. I was playing golf. I forgot my clubs so borrowed Dave's. Phone him if you don't believe me.'

Yeah this.

Bluetrews25 · 04/02/2023 13:38

I'm reliably informed that it is Not Done to borrow golf clubs from someone else.

offyoufuckcuntychops · 04/02/2023 13:39

I'm even more convinced now that he's not having an affair. Who'd go to the Swindon Designer Outlet with their affair partner? Hardly a romantic shag-pile. I call bullshit on the friend's "sighting", among other things.

LikeTearsInRain · 04/02/2023 13:42

Could be having an affair OP?

Does he have female colleagues? or a hobby with lots of women around? Or some old female friends?

Any mentionitis?

Isthisexpected · 04/02/2023 13:42

I'm so sorry. I was unknowingly involved with a married man who took up cycling when he'd only been married about a year. We used to go away for weekends etc whilst he told her he was cycling. One time he was spotted with me in a Waitrose and had forgotten his shoes that clipped in so wouldn't have been able to ride the bike he'd taken for cover so it all came out and she contacted me to expose him.

You don't need to worry about showing your hand early if you know that infidelity is a red line. If you're someone who can take the months of denial and trickle truths I'm sure he'll be obliging. He obviously feels entitled to "some happiness".

Iwannabeacrocodilehunter · 04/02/2023 13:43

I am so sorry you are going through this op. I feel anxious for you.

I would just calmly ask him when he come home ‘why were you at Swindon Outlets with another woman?’

You don’t need to gather evidence. You don’t need to drag the anxiety and drama out over weeks whilst you play private investigator. Tell him you want the honest answer today, to save you both time and energy.

GoodnightJude1 · 04/02/2023 13:43

Hmmm….I’d your friend 100% sure it was him OP? I think if I was having an affair and only got a short amount of time with the person I’d not be wanting to go shopping….

Isthisexpected · 04/02/2023 13:44

Who'd go to the Swindon Designer Outlet with their affair partner? Hardly a romantic shag-pile.

^ after six months of our affair I can assure you we weren't just in hotels having sex all weekend. We enjoyed a bit of normality too and often went shopping!

Youpillock · 04/02/2023 13:44

Yorkshirelass04 · 04/02/2023 13:28

Is this real?

Of course it's not.

Rosellee · 04/02/2023 13:45

GoodnightJude1 · 04/02/2023 13:43

Hmmm….I’d your friend 100% sure it was him OP? I think if I was having an affair and only got a short amount of time with the person I’d not be wanting to go shopping….

You would want to go there if it was a longstanding affair, she's also married, that's far enough away from home to be discreet, and there's a place to have lunch and a coffee.

RunRunRunRunRunaway · 04/02/2023 13:45

I'm not sure why im being called out for using exclamation marks! It's a habit! Is it bad? Short answer, OP - yes. It's bad. It makes all of your responses look like you think it's some kind of fun game. Exclamation marks usually mean lighthearted humour. They should be used sparingly, if at all, in most day-to-day written communications.

That's not to say I'm minimising the situation your find yourself in, but for the vast majority of pp, they wouldn't be using lots of !!! because it just gives the impression you think it's all a huge joke. Serious issues shouldn't use ! at all.

stopringingme · 04/02/2023 13:46

@heartbroken26

I would play the long game, when he is relaxed just in normal conversation bring up that you might go to the outlet one day as your friend was there on Saturday morning and see what his reaction is.

I would also do what another poster suggested, hide his golf clubs and see how long it takes him to mention them

Do you have a joint account are the green fees coming out each week.

Get every bit of paperwork you can in a safe place.

It could be innocent but you know him.

Can you get a babysitter tonight and say you fancy coming to watch the rugby with him.

LilLilLi · 04/02/2023 13:46

Ring the golf course, purely so you can tell him that when he tells you he borrowed someone’s clubs.

Call all of them within a 10 mile radius so you can tell him that when he tells you, “oh we went to a different golf club today”.

Men are snakes.

Rosellee · 04/02/2023 13:47

Shame the friend never took a photo.

MonkeyMindAllOverAround · 04/02/2023 13:49

Keep these close to your heart and thoughts:

  1. You don’t need to prove to him that he is lying or cheating. If you have enough evidence, he is, whatever he says.

  2. You don’t need his approval to leave him, if you are constantly unhappy, that’s as much a reason as you need.

  3. You are no longer calling the shots 100%, he has someone in the back burner ready to take over, so play your cards wisely.

  4. You know all that horrible things they say about children of divorce/broken marriages? They are not as bad as growing up in a household where trust, respect and love are gone. If you need to leave him, I cannot say it will be easy but it won’t be as bad as you think, at the end of the day, he is already out enjoying his life (affair or no affair) while you are sitting at home, alone, taking care of the kids.

Best of luck, take no shit from him…

… unless you are setting the net for screwing him up.

MamaNewtNewt · 04/02/2023 13:49

Ignore the people calling you out on using exclamation marks OP. They are used for emphasis and how often they are used is a personal preference. People calling the OP out on this and insinuating this is false need to take a look at themselves. Even if you think it's false maybe show a bit of empathy and operate on the basis that it might be true, with a real human being struggling with a horrible situation.

Some people really do think their constant cynicism makes them look clever, frankly it's boring and an excuse to take out the frustrations of their own lives on an anonymous person on the internet. Very clever.

LondonSouth28 · 04/02/2023 13:50

My answer to this depends on how financially reliant you are on him. The more financially reliant you are to him the more you may want to give yourself some time to check finance documents and ensure you have enough money in an account only you can access to survive for some time.

If you're not financially reliant on him, then I'd blow it up. But gosh I'd drag it out, I'd want to see sweat appear on his brow as he tries to figure out if I actually do know something...

Starfishandreefs · 04/02/2023 13:51

Sorry to hear this OP. I will talk to him when home rather than drag it out.

DillDanding · 04/02/2023 13:53

I'm not sure why im being called out for using exclamation marks! It's a habit! Is it bad?

As you asked, not bad but very childish.

Topi226 · 04/02/2023 13:54

He will definitely deny it and it sounds like he could sway you to believe him. Your friend wouldn't have mentioned it if she were wrong.
I'd be going there and seeing if I could see him. I know it's difficult with children. I'd trust your friend. His golf clubs are there. Demand to see his phone and online banking.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 04/02/2023 13:55

Don’t tell him what exactly you know or how. Ask him if he wants to tell you the truth about today and let him know you already know but would like to hear from him. If he plays dumb, tell him to pack his stuff and leave until he’s ready to have an honest conversation.