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Original poster

Could he be having an affair???

972 replies

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 11:41

Name changed for this!! I don't even know why im posting!! I don't know anything yet?! Im hoping it's all innocent!!

Today my husband told me he was going off to golf! No problem, it's a hobby he's taken up in the last 6 months and goes off most weekends! He always said it's a good de stresser as we have 2 children under 5, one of which is an baby. So of course I've had no reason to suspect anything untoward!!

My friend text me saying she's seen him with a woman shopping in the next town over!!! She doesn't think he saw her.

I don't know what to do, say, do I ring him? Do I confront him when he's home? I'm hoping my friend is wrong 😩

OP posts:
highdrylowerwetter · 06/02/2023 14:52

Oh OP, I'm sorry. Sending hugs. Think things through. He sounds awful though, you can do so much better

TiaraBoo · 06/02/2023 14:55

I'm so hurt and Frankly quite embarrassed.

YOU should NOT be embarrassed!
YOU did nothing wrong.
YOU did not cheat on your husband.
YOU did not throw a grenade into the family unit.
YOU did not think wayhay I’ve just had a baby, screw this life.

Why not embarrass him, a piece of shit with a loving wife and 2 small kids including a baby. How fucking dare he get away without the embarrassment because you are feeling it instead.

Hope you are ok. 💐

ItisSailingTime · 06/02/2023 14:57

Ah I'm so sorry OP.

I've been through similar, and sometimes you feel this visceral ache remembering how everything's shattered, how much you love him and miss what you had.

But whenever I felt like that, I just reminded myself that he wasn't the person I thought he was. Because the man I'd fallen for was kind, shy, funny and caring. And sadly... not real.
I kept reminding myself that I wasn't missing out, now that I knew how little he valued me and that he wasn't this lovely person- he was a selfish, weak, calculated devient and a liar.

Like that piece of work, your husband knew you deserved a better man, so he pretended to be just that. But he couldn't keep up the pretence.

Never forget- you deserve so much better 💐

BadNomad · 06/02/2023 15:13

I'm confused by some things. You said your friend didn't actually see them shopping together, so did he or didn't he go shopping? Why did he have a change of clothes hidden in the boot? Why would he need to change his clothes for a secret sex session? Are his golf buddies in on it too then seeing as they uploaded him playing golf on instagram? Or did he actually play golf, have sex, go shopping, and get home before dinner?

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 06/02/2023 15:21

Oh OP I'm so so sorry, I was hoping the other day that it would turn out all fine & I've just read your latest update. Sending you all the love xx

Namechangehereandnow · 06/02/2023 15:25

I genuinely don’t understand why men have to turn it around to be the womans fault he had to find sex elsewhere 🙄 ffs, grow up men, own it, take responsibility like the men you’re supposed to be!

I’m so sorry OP.

Defiantlynot41 · 06/02/2023 15:28

I'm so sorry OP, and glad your friend managed to come clean, that can't have been easy.

I'm also in the Forest of Dean and thinking of getting a new patio if your thoughts head in that direction ...Hmm

Xtraincome · 06/02/2023 15:46

Oh OP. I have gone from intrigued to relieved to disgusted over your DHs behaviour this last weekend. You deserve so much better!!! I hope you are ok and well done for chucking him out. What a twat!

Original poster
heartbroken26 · 06/02/2023 15:46

BadNomad · 06/02/2023 15:13

I'm confused by some things. You said your friend didn't actually see them shopping together, so did he or didn't he go shopping? Why did he have a change of clothes hidden in the boot? Why would he need to change his clothes for a secret sex session? Are his golf buddies in on it too then seeing as they uploaded him playing golf on instagram? Or did he actually play golf, have sex, go shopping, and get home before dinner?

My friend didn't see them, she knew they were shopping there as her sister told her, he arrived home in golf clothes... so the stashed clothes were what he wore shopping! I have no idea whether they had sex that day or not! I doubt he played golf too so I presume his golf buddy is on it too and is helping keep him keep up pretences

OP posts:
Original poster
heartbroken26 · 06/02/2023 15:47

Defiantlynot41 · 06/02/2023 15:28

I'm so sorry OP, and glad your friend managed to come clean, that can't have been easy.

I'm also in the Forest of Dean and thinking of getting a new patio if your thoughts head in that direction ...Hmm

This actually made me crack a smile in my despair! Thank you

OP posts:
Nikii83 · 06/02/2023 15:49

Op I was so hopeful it was a case of mistaken identity.

you have nothing to be embarrassed about this is all on him… if he was unhappy he should have done the adult thing and started a conversation. He doesn’t deserve your tears.

take care of yourself and your beautiful babies

Original poster
heartbroken26 · 06/02/2023 15:51

Thank you so much for all your well wishes and support, it honestly does mean a lot to read them! He's been ringing. Leaving messages and voicemails constantly today. I have not answered any of them. My mum picked up my son from school as frankly I can't face people and my face shows I've been crying. I have no idea where he's gone, his parents I presume, god help him if he's gone to hers! There will never be a way back from that. My friend has filled me in a few more details. She only found out on Wednesday. She's been harbouring it for days thinking what to do for the best and how to tell me. It's all such a mess! It's been going on for 4 months! And she said it's more than once a month so he's lied right there! Yea, those '60 hour' weeks with later shifts on overtime to 'provide for his family' he was with her!

OP posts:
Uppingham · 06/02/2023 15:55

I’m so sorry. Your friend was put in an impossible position and has done the right thing. You will get through this. You and your DC will thrive. I hope he is suffering.

Sandra1984 · 06/02/2023 15:56

If he's meeting her in the pub, going shopping together, turning off his phone tracker so you can't trace him and changing his password this is definitely more than "we're having sex once a month" thing, it's a proper affair that has been going on for a while. He's can't be honest even when busted and faced with the evidence. Honestly you can't trust people like this. What else is he lying about?

Smineusername · 06/02/2023 16:00

What an utter cunt.

So sorry you are going through this.

Not usually one to LTB but honestly you are better off without this one. He's a misogynist wanker and you are already a single parent. Just now you know it.

What a prick

Curiosity101 · 06/02/2023 16:00

What a cowardly disrespectful piece of work your husband is. I have very little time for cheats. He had the option to speak to you about his issues with the relationship. He had the option to leave you. He had many many others options too. He chose to have his cake and eat it with absolutely no regard to the damage he would cause your or your kids.

OP you have nothing to be embarrassed about. He should be utterly utterly ashamed though.

I hope you've got the support you need. Your friend sounds nice, she was in a completely impossible situation and I feel she's probably handled it about as well as a person could.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 06/02/2023 16:00

You don't need to speak to him right now. Take as much time as you need and look after yourself. Lots of cups of tea. You and your babies are better off without him.

MILLYmo0se · 06/02/2023 16:05

What an absolute immature git of a bastard!! Im gutted for you OP, thought this had all turned out to be a dramarama of mistaken identity and just read your update. Your friend is a rock solid trooper, that was a horrendous situation to be in and she did the right thing.
Wtf is it with men trying to turn it on their partners, 'oh you are busy with the baby so obviously I had to shove my willy into this random woman, not my fault really' FFS!!!!!

Drfosters · 06/02/2023 16:18

i am devastated for you OP. I think everyone posting here is collectively wishing you well. Just remember you will be happy again even if it doesn’t feel it now. On a practical note though secure your finances. Ensure you are have control of bank accounts, mortgage and all the paperwork. Work out your financial position quickly so you can take those worries away and then work out what to do next.

Dottielottie123 · 06/02/2023 16:19

Omg!! Gutted that this has turned out this way for you, wasn’t expecting that update. He can call all he likes but there’s nowhere
to go from here, the lying little snake. You will get there OP, your friend did the right thing in an extremely awkward situation. I’m glad you have your mum to help xx

Loopsy123 · 06/02/2023 16:22

Just wanted to say how sorry I am that this is happening to you. I realise you may not feel it now but you are stronger than a man who can’t last without sex especially with a baby in the mix! Wishing you all the best and take him to the cleaners!! I’m glad your friend did the right thing!

PollyAmour · 06/02/2023 16:26

What a lousy lying scumbag your husband has turned out to be. You don't want to reconcile with him, surely? This behaviour is marriage ending. Let him shag your friend's sister to his heart's content, he'll soon realise what he's lost when divorce proceedings start.

Try and be glad you found out he's not a decent man early on. He will cheat on you over and over again, should you carry on being his wife. Every time the going gets tough, he'll find himself another woman to woo. He's disgusting and a terrible role model for your children.

chali7 · 06/02/2023 16:28

heartbroken26 · 06/02/2023 15:51

Thank you so much for all your well wishes and support, it honestly does mean a lot to read them! He's been ringing. Leaving messages and voicemails constantly today. I have not answered any of them. My mum picked up my son from school as frankly I can't face people and my face shows I've been crying. I have no idea where he's gone, his parents I presume, god help him if he's gone to hers! There will never be a way back from that. My friend has filled me in a few more details. She only found out on Wednesday. She's been harbouring it for days thinking what to do for the best and how to tell me. It's all such a mess! It's been going on for 4 months! And she said it's more than once a month so he's lied right there! Yea, those '60 hour' weeks with later shifts on overtime to 'provide for his family' he was with her!

I am so sorry ❤️ as someone who has been here - it gets better and easier with time but do take time for you. The next few weeks / months may feel like a whirlwind of emotions, sadness, anger and more but you will move on to happier times.

Best wishes x

ShakespearesBlister · 06/02/2023 16:28

I did wonder about your friend but you know what? She's been faced with an impossible choice and she chose you over her sister. That's real loyalty right there. She has risked losing her sister by choosing you. Please don't let go of a friend like that unless you really have to because I have a feeling this could be as hard for her as it is you, she's going to need you when her sister turns on her. You have a friend so loyal that when she was faced with the unbearable choice between her sister or you - she picked you x

Lostinbrum · 06/02/2023 16:31

Oh I am so sorry for you OP your intuition was right. There's some vile people on here. It sounds like a full blown affair. I hope the bastards sorry he's thrown his life away. I hope the friend is OK too she's done right by you. You got this mummy

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