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Original poster

Could he be having an affair???

972 replies

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 11:41

Name changed for this!! I don't even know why im posting!! I don't know anything yet?! Im hoping it's all innocent!!

Today my husband told me he was going off to golf! No problem, it's a hobby he's taken up in the last 6 months and goes off most weekends! He always said it's a good de stresser as we have 2 children under 5, one of which is an baby. So of course I've had no reason to suspect anything untoward!!

My friend text me saying she's seen him with a woman shopping in the next town over!!! She doesn't think he saw her.

I don't know what to do, say, do I ring him? Do I confront him when he's home? I'm hoping my friend is wrong 😩

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 06/02/2023 12:39

So sorry OP. I was reading your thread last night and would have put money on your friend just stirring some drama.

I would recommend starting a completely new thread for support moving forward as a) this one will soon be full and b) there are a lot of people just bickering between themselves now.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 06/02/2023 12:39

Be very appreciative of your friend op. It must have been hard. My dd's bff stood by and kept quiet when she knew dd's bf was cheating on a mammoth scale.... Think ttc
. With medical intervention..

AsIfIWish · 06/02/2023 12:41

So sorry this turned out like this. I really hoped it was going to be a happy ending after all! 😰

Echobelly · 06/02/2023 12:41

Ah, it all make sense now sadly. I'm glad your friend was able to spill the beans and I can sort of understand why she did what she did although I think it did just inadvertantly cause you more anxiety than necessary.

Really sorry to hear this OP - men need to learn that going elsewhere for sex when their wife/partner has a newborn and isn't as up for sex is not doing their wife a bloody favour somehow, it's an absolute kick in the teeth.

AaaaaandBreathe · 06/02/2023 12:49

So sorry OP Flowers

I'm glad you have support. He's a lowlife. Bad enough cheating with a stranger but someone related to your best friend?

It won't feel like it now but it's better you found out now than waste any more time on this poor excuse of a man, you deserve so much more x

parlourb · 06/02/2023 12:50

Eastereggsboxedupready · 06/02/2023 12:39

Be very appreciative of your friend op. It must have been hard. My dd's bff stood by and kept quiet when she knew dd's bf was cheating on a mammoth scale.... Think ttc
. With medical intervention..

What is wrong with these men !

MadeofElephantStone · 06/02/2023 12:51

There is nothing more unattractive/repulsive than a man blaming the mother of his babies for his lack of sex. That little gem of a blame pass for HIS cheating arse is quite frankly offensive and the fact he is trying to make it out to be your fault too instead of taking full responsibility for his actions tells you that he is a liar, a cheat and a despicable excuse for a father/husband. Do not let him make you feel that you have played any part in this, block any attempts from him to say otherwise and if he does I'd judge him harshly.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you OP, I hope you get all the support you need from your family/friends.

Bog · 06/02/2023 12:57

What a pig. On behalf of men I'm sorry.
Take him for every penny OP.
I can understand the friend though, being stuck slap bang in the middle of this. Her sister seems like a nasty piece of work too.

MrsPerfect12 · 06/02/2023 12:58

was he in your local pub with the OW and could been seen by anyone?
his friends are in on it if they're posting photos of him golfing - dicks!!
I'm so sorry this is happening.
Think of yourself first it's not just sex when they're out together.

Eskimokid · 06/02/2023 13:02

I'm so sorry it has turned out like this. I hope you and your children have some great support.

Mojo777 · 06/02/2023 13:06

@heartbroken26 Oh love, I'm so very sorry to see this update. What an utter Cockwomble he is. This is 100% on him and his bit on the side! Get yourself lawyer-ed up and bloody well rinse him for everything! My heart hurts for you, and when this is all over, I wish you better days ahead. xo

AnxietyLevelMax · 06/02/2023 13:13

Oh i am so sorry op…

bignosebignose · 06/02/2023 13:17

Sorry it turned out to be true. I just can't get my head around this sort of thing. My parents broke up when I was very young due to my dad's infidelity. I have a good enough relationship with him but I only saw him a few times a year, sometimes less, when I was growing up. I sometimes think of that when I'm larking about with my two DC, telling them terrible jokes, etc. To risk losing that everyday relationship by cheating is just incomprehensible. You and your kids deserve better.

Dreamscomingtrue · 06/02/2023 13:19

So sorry to read your update, such a shock for you. Wishing the best for you and your children. Sounds like you have a lovely Mum. Glad that your friend told you, her sister sounds horrible, knowing that you’re her friend as well x

Drinkinggreentea · 06/02/2023 13:19

So sorry you're going through this. She's a very decent person and a good friend for doing this. I can understand her wanting to initially pretend she didn't know the woman. She's put her own family second here to tell you and that takes guts. Don't shoot the messenger, be grateful she told you. Imagine if she never had? You would never have known!

HPV (which can cause cervical cancer) and herpes can be caught even with condoms so it's not forgivable. You're so lucky you've got your Mum.

With past friends with benefits we didn't leave the house or go shopping. It was just sex. This isn't "just sex" but he's afraid of losing his family now he's been caught. You deserve better.

Things to do now:
-STI checks in 6 weeks
-Cervical smear
-Make copies of all your paperwork and separate them into two piles
-Consult a lawyer ASAP
-Download a voice recording app to record all serious conversations with him (proof of more lying on his part and will help you to keep your calm when speaking to him)
-Arrange for your Mum to babysit this week so you have time to get your head around all this

Things not to do:
-Ask for details. You'll only get lies and it will damage your mental health having to beg. What you already know is more than enough.
-Argue in front of the kids. Get your Mum to come round so you argue in the car if needs be.

Hugs

ZaphodDent · 06/02/2023 13:20

I'm so sorry it turned out this way OP.

Your friend must have agonised over this and how to tell you.

Firstly, you bear no blame for this. Him blaming you is disgusting and desperate and laughable.

Secondly, do not feel embarrassed for one moment. He is the one who people will shake their head about and roll their eyes and feel anger over. You are the one that people will be concerned about.

You're going to feel dreadful at first, of course you will, but you will absolutely get through this and you will 100% be whole again and be happy again and you will come back on this thread one day soon and tell us how you've got through it all.

You sound lovely and I bet he's going to spend a lot of time regretting his actions.

T1Dmama · 06/02/2023 13:27

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 18:11

I'm beginning to doubt my friend! Someone posted earlier that she got to me quite quickly, and she did! I didn't think too much at the time as I had other thoughts on my mind.... some of you are pointing the finger at her stirring drama. Maybe, I really don't want to believe that though? What would she be getting out of it?

I don’t expect she text and drive to you immediately after seeing him… Orr likely that she drive home first, worrying whether to tell you or not. Decided to and then came round

Greensleevevssnotnose · 06/02/2023 13:43

I'm so sorry. I really hoped it would be a misunderstanding.

T1Dmama · 06/02/2023 13:46

Oh I’m sorry OP.
Your husband put your friend in an impossible position.
I’m afraid whether you love him or not isn’t the main thing now, it’s whether you feel you can ever forgive him and trust him again. Personally the sheer fact I’d never trust him to be out of sight, go golfing or even to the pub again would simply mean it was just ‘over’….
’JUST SEX’ is such a FKN insult…. It suggests he’d throw away your marriage and his life for ‘JUST SEX’ what a soulless prick!!
you sound so lovely and you really do deserve better!

Beaverbridge · 06/02/2023 14:15

Hope your bearing up sweetheart and getting support from your Mum. He's a filthy stinking cheat and doesn't deserve you. Sending you massive hugs. Been where you are, can remember the shock and sick feeling like it was yesterday.

Sunnymummy8 · 06/02/2023 14:19

I hope you’re ok op and coping.
what an absolute shit

Rosellee · 06/02/2023 14:20

I agree @T1Dmama . Saying it was 'just sex' is like saying 'I'm re-writing the entirety of what you believed was true'.
When a woman marries a man and he speaks his vows she assumes that he won't actually be having sex with anyone else behind her back.
A marriage is a massive 'thing'. It's a commitment to another person. He's made a unilateral decision, without informing OP, to break his contract of marriage. And all for a monthly shag. Can't he wank for pity's sake?!
He sounds like an immature, entitled prick to me.

Pipsquiggle · 06/02/2023 14:32

So sorry you are going through this. I was really hoping your friend was mistaken.

Don't make any rash decisions, take your time and think about what you want to do.

I am so angry that your dickhead H has treated you in this way, how dare he say it's due to you not wanting sex as much after bearing his DC - he is a real twat

AgathaX · 06/02/2023 14:35

I'm really sorry your worries have turned out to be correct, and glad that you have support from family.

He's been playing away close to home, was he expecting to be caught do you think?

ShooshWhoosh · 06/02/2023 14:41

Ah you poor thing! I’m so sorry, I don’t have any advice but couldn’t just read and run. I’m so sorry you are having to go through this. Handhold x