Could he be having an affair???

[heartbroken26]

Name changed for this!! I don't even know why im posting!! I don't know anything yet?! Im hoping it's all innocent!!

Today my husband told me he was going off to golf! No problem, it's a hobby he's taken up in the last 6 months and goes off most weekends! He always said it's a good de stresser as we have 2 children under 5, one of which is an baby. So of course I've had no reason to suspect anything untoward!!

My friend text me saying she's seen him with a woman shopping in the next town over!!! She doesn't think he saw her.

I don't know what to do, say, do I ring him? Do I confront him when he's home? I'm hoping my friend is wrong 😩

I'm so sorry OP. Life can be so so cruel. Some people (spouses especially) have a habit of letting us down when we need them most. What an awful thing to do.

Your friend was obviously trying to get you to find out for yourself without having to tell you because of feeling torn with her sister being the one involved.

I don't think much of your friend actually. If she was going to tell you, she should just have told you and not made up this whole story of seeing him shopping with another woman and following him to the pub and so on. It seems to have been designed for maximum drama for her to participate in. She has put you through the wringer and while she was comforting you she knew exactly what was going on. If she wanted to be helpful she would have remonstrated with her sister or your husband to stop what they were doing. What loyalty was she swayed by to her sister who had a monthly sex date with a married man? Surely it's not that hard for her sister to find somebody else for cheap grubby no-strings sex?

I disagree. While she might've gone about it in a cack-handed way, the friend wasn't being malicious. The story she concocted was clearly her trying to trigger OP into investigating her DH's whereabouts, which is what has happened. This whole situation must be incredibly difficult for the friend. Whatever you might think morally of the sister's behaviour, if the friend just came out and told OP it probably would've caused a huge family rift. She's tried to do the right thing, just been a bit clumsy about it.

Followed yesterday and just wanted to say how sorry I was to read the update. Stay strong. You will get through this. It will be a difficult journey but you’ll do it with dignity and grace for your children I am sure. Keep them in mind, do your best and take extra good care of yourself. If you can afford it get a counsellor so you have someone neutral with only your well being in mind. It will help you keep clarity. There will be times you’ll need to fall apart - lean on those that love you. In time you’ll be glad you have seen his true colours. Good luck.

I read through all your replies and I am sorry to say my gut was telling me something was off when he was seen on instagram in golfing clothes, and changed the code on his phone.

I was so sorry to read the update that it's all come out. At least you know the truth now. I really am so sorry you are now going through this. I'm glad you have your mum supporting you. You will get through this.

Oh god, what an update! I'm so sorry for you OP. What an absolute shitstain he is. I'm glad you've kicked him out. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, I can't imagine what a shock it is.

Your friend could have dealt with it better, but yes I can see that she found herself in an odd situation. I'm very glad she decided to try and get the truth to you, even if it was a little convoluted to start with. I hope she will be a good support to you from here out, as I'm sure your mum will be!

Totally understand the feeling of embarrassment, though I'm sure you know it's him that should be embarrassed not you.

It might not feel like it now, but it really is all up from here - you're rid of an unfaithful husband and you can rebuild. All the best

I’m so sorry OP. I’m glad you’ve found out though and there’s no more ‘wondering’. Now you can decide what you want to do. I’m sorry he’s treated you so badly, this is on him not you, don’t let him act like it’s your fault for not wanting sex.

I've been following the thread, I was hoping it was all ok and was so sorry to read your update.

You have absolutely done the right thing. You must be in shock, glad you have your mum for support. Take one day , one hour, at a time, you are stronger than you think.

Sending you love and strength OP x

I’m really sorry op, sorry for you, your friend, your kids and your mum. Basically everyone whose life will be torn upside down because of these selfish 2 people. I can understand why your friend did what she did by telling you it’s a random person first and I don’t blame her. I hope you get the support you need and know how best to move forwards from this.

So this OW went to the local pub with your husband as well as out shopping....all while you were in with the kids....that is very, very blatant and I suspect OW told her sister so it would get back to you.

You're married and he's a decent earner so yes straight to lawyer while he still feels ashamed.

OP you have throughout this thread sounded so lovely and kind...he's not just a cheat but a devious, cynical manipulator who is selfish and cunning and humiliated you by going out with his OW publicly in a tight knit community.

I'm glad you've got your friend and your mum.

I’m so sorry this has happened. I wouldn’t be too hard on the friend. I imagine she showed her face as she probably gave your husband an ultimatum to end it. The fact she said about Swindon in from of him too. She wanted you to know that he was having an affair but not necessarily with her sister. The 2 of them then in the local pub together probably gave her the final push. It sounds like they didn’t care about being caught.
Im glad you have your mum for support. Wishing you strength, you deserve better. Do not go soft on him, it will be difficult but you will come out the other side better

Oh no bless you op . The old no smoke without fire . I'm sorry for doubting your thread. I've been where you are , the shock . It's awful truely. Please know that you will be in a state of shock and it won't sink in for some time and your feelings about it will change rapidly from day to day.
Honest advice is to kick him out right now . Whether that is permanently time would tell. You need space from him and to get as much support as you can from friends or family. You will need it, but you will get through this.
Wishing you all the best in the world 💐

Ho op I have been following your story I so hoped you got the happy ending you and your children deserve but just been reading your recent posts I'm so sorry this has turned out like this sorry I haven't got any advice but I'm sending all my love to you and your children

I'm so sorry to hear all this. Two pieces of advice: don't judge your decision on whether to stay with him on what he says, judge by what he does. Think about his behaviour towards you, and generally, before and during all this because I'm sure you'll see there were ways he was behaving that were not fair on you and if he is serious about staying with you then he will change his behaviour for good — that is the only gauge, and even then you will probably never fully trust him again. Secondly, don't feel embarrassed — this is on him. This is not about his relationship with you, it's about his relationship with himself. He needs to figure out why he did this; you need to look after yourself and your kids.

Yeah, I do understand why the friend was reluctant to come out.

Being the messenger, who will destroy your friend's life - ok, it's the husband that has really done that, but you know how it looks - is a really, really hard thing to do on it's own, never mind it was her sister in the mix. Just look at the abuse not only the OP but her friend received on here. Her friend was called a 'drama llama', ffs. The friend clearly wanted to tell OP, but didn't know how to go about it.

The friend didn't do anything wrong, but she was labelled a drama llama for her efforts to protect her friend.

Why don't we as women THANK our fellow women for having our backs, instead of rushing to deem the a drama llama? I always believe a woman should always tell another woman if they know they're being cheated on, but the misogynistic attitudes on this thread show why some women, friends even, will turn a blind eye. Then you're like the OP, you have a gut instinct, you post for support, and someone instead says they feel the husband is the one that deserves better! How do we move past the drama llama misogyny and accept women need to thank women for supporting each other. This thread has demonstrated that other women would sooner believe the whistleblower is a 'gossip', than give any meaningful support to the OP. No, occams razor says it's more likely your friend is looking out for you and being a friend, than being a gossip.

Given the posts on this thread, that even in 2023 seeks to punish the whistleblower, I am not even remotely surprised that OP's friend desperately tried to lead her friend to the evidence without herself having to be the one to tell it. Some of them women posters on this thread demonstrate why women are our own worst enemies.

So sorry to see your update @heartbroken26 . What an absolute shit he is, and your friends sister.

Your friend had your interests at heart, often people post on here asking if they should tell the wife when they know the H is playing away, abd are almost always told to keep out of it. I personally would want to know.

Keep calm, see a lawyer.

What a wanker

Oh OP I'm so sorry.
I had an inkling something was going on.
What an absolute pig.
You've done the right thing by kicking him out. I'm not sure I could continue being friends with the friend either.
It's always the excuse of, 'you've had a baby, you weren't interested Bla Bla bla' maybe it they spent the same amount of time helping as they did about their dicks we'd feel more up to it.
Absolute arsehole!! (Use as many exclamation marks as you like to describe him)
How old are DC?
Is it a joint mortgage?

Oh my goodness OP, I am so sorry. I followed your thread all weekend and was so relieved initially when it seemed like your friend had just made a mistake.

I don’t feel any blame soya with your friend. She didn’t have to try and alert you and could have turned a blind eye.

I’ve followed a few threads on here about cheating partners and was relieved this had a happy ending.

Now that I have children I’m not sure I would walk away if my dog cheated as there is too much at stake. Whatever you do go east on you, this is all on him!

@heartbroken26

How are you feeling this morning? And what's he got to say for himself?

I'm not sure I could continue being friends with the friend either.

Why not? The friend did nothing wrong. The friend is the one who had her back!

I'm so so sorry OP, this is such a hideous situation for you and your friend and your kids. I couldn't care less about those other tossers!

Is he bombarding you with sorrys? Is she? I assume you know her at least a bit? What snakes they are.

I agree with a PP that your friend went about this in a very clumsy way, and I understand why. I'd thank her for telling me however. But my friendship with her would depend on whether she's:

1. socialised with your husband and her sister in the pub that night - or any other time.
2. tried to get your husband to do the right thing

Your husband is a dick.

I was sceptical yesterday , I'm sorry .

I'm not sure of the friend's role in this. How long had she known about the affair as she said her sister and Op's H met once a month ? She obviously knew where they were shopping yesterday as it turns out she wasn't actually there .

Why not? The friend did nothing wrong. The friend is the one who had her back!

Because the friend will struggle between OP and her sister. Also potentially the sister and OP's H could get together which would make it even trickier.

I’m so sorry OP. Be kind to yourself and remember he is the only person in the marriage who should feel any embarrassment or shame. Be kind to yourself.

I am so sorry OP. What an awful situation for you to be in. Please don’t for one second think it’s you, or allow the lying piece of shit back into your home. I know the road ahead seems so, so tough and scary, but you’ve already been so strong. You will get through this and one day be grateful for him showing his true colours.