Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Could he be having an affair???

972 replies

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 11:41

Name changed for this!! I don't even know why im posting!! I don't know anything yet?! Im hoping it's all innocent!!

Today my husband told me he was going off to golf! No problem, it's a hobby he's taken up in the last 6 months and goes off most weekends! He always said it's a good de stresser as we have 2 children under 5, one of which is an baby. So of course I've had no reason to suspect anything untoward!!

My friend text me saying she's seen him with a woman shopping in the next town over!!! She doesn't think he saw her.

I don't know what to do, say, do I ring him? Do I confront him when he's home? I'm hoping my friend is wrong 😩

OP posts:
workiskillingme · 06/02/2023 09:57

@IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 she's probably the woman sleeping with the OPs husband !

workiskillingme · 06/02/2023 09:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

The local pond probably you utter fantasist

Longtimeuser · 06/02/2023 09:58

Aw op I'm so sorry this has turned out this way. You must be so heartbroken. Don't have anything else to add that hasn't already been said.

Be kind to yourself x

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 06/02/2023 09:58

Rosellee · 06/02/2023 09:55

A traumatic thing for the Mum to go through as well as OP. Mums aren't often mentioned in these threads but it is of course a traumatic thing for them to go through too.
It incenses me that cheats seem to not have a clue how many lives they can affect.

Show quote history

That's true. It would be hard for a mother to see her daughter treated like this, and to find out that her son-in-law is not the man she thought. She would be hurting for herself and her daughter (and grandkids).

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 06/02/2023 10:00

@workiskillingme Probably.

StillWantingADog · 06/02/2023 10:00

Oh no op sorry to hear this is a very bad development but good on you for waking him up and kicking him out !!!

I don’t quite understand what your friend said though or why, inventing the fact that she’d seen him and then not mentioning that she’d (presumably) seen both of them on Saturday might not just him. But that’s not the point.

hope your dm is able to help you find a way through this. It sounds like she is local and very supportive with the kids which is an excellent start

Sandra1984 · 06/02/2023 10:02

@iwantmyownicecreamvan Damn - I feel an idiot now. I was convinced the friend was a drama queen and making it up.

the way the story sounded to most of us is friend was being dramatic and story didn’t quite add up, and it turned out it didn’t as she wasn’t telling the truth as trying to “protect” her sister and that’s why the story sounded iffy or a bit dubious. The iPhone password change was quite a giveaway. Had the friend been straightforward since the beginning the dubious/iffy factor would have not been there.

ThomasWaghornsConeHat · 06/02/2023 10:03

Ouch. I'm so sorry OP. It's 1000% him. It's not you at all in any way shape or form

mumof2andstillsurviving · 06/02/2023 10:03

iwantmyownicecreamvan · 06/02/2023 09:57

Sorry to do 2 posts - but the front of this man, and the lying and deceit! A change of clothes in the spare wheel space and "you weren't up for it much" because you had just had a baby - HIS baby. And he wants you to take him back! It's absolutely sickening and I am so so sorry.

THIS. It makes me so mad that some men do this, they want the family and the new baby but then f**k about behind their wife's back because their life has been changed but the very thing they wanted, whilst it's us women who are left quite literally holding the baby, keeping it all together, with little support for the other person who is responsible for this family. I feel so angry for you (and for me and for all the other wives who have been put through this shit.

AmwajAnnie · 06/02/2023 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 06/02/2023 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

The only sad bitter one is you, Mr hairy palms incel lying in your mother's basement.

Scooby5kids · 06/02/2023 10:06

I'm so sorry it turned out to be true. What an absolute 💩 he is! 😢

iwantmyownicecreamvan · 06/02/2023 10:09

Rosellee · 06/02/2023 09:55

A traumatic thing for the Mum to go through as well as OP. Mums aren't often mentioned in these threads but it is of course a traumatic thing for them to go through too.
It incenses me that cheats seem to not have a clue how many lives they can affect.

Show quote history

Yes, this is so true. I remember my parents were horribly upset when my marriage ended. My inlaws felt it too, in fact I do wonder if it was more difficult for them in some ways.

palelavender · 06/02/2023 10:10

It is good that your mum was there. I am so sorry you had to find out this way. I know you have two small children, one a baby. Your husband has shown that he is perfectly capable of covering his tracks with a surprising level of sneakiness. I don't know whether you can ever forgive him or whether counselling might help you move past it. I'm not saying you should stay with him but I think you need to think things through very carefully. You might decide for example that you want to keep him around for a few years to help with childcare before ending things. I wouldn't feel bad about taking that pragmatic approach considering what he has been up to. I'd second getting yourself fully checked out for STIs. The sister is obviously not picky.

I don't think much of your friend actually. If she was going to tell you, she should just have told you and not made up this whole story of seeing him shopping with another woman and following him to the pub and so on. It seems to have been designed for maximum drama for her to participate in. She has put you through the wringer and while she was comforting you she knew exactly what was going on. If she wanted to be helpful she would have remonstrated with her sister or your husband to stop what they were doing. What loyalty was she swayed by to her sister who had a monthly sex date with a married man? Surely it's not that hard for her sister to find somebody else for cheap grubby no-strings sex?

You do deserve so much better.

Freeme31 · 06/02/2023 10:11

You have nothing to be embarrassed about OP the shame & embarrassment is on them, You were at home looking after your babies while he was cheating (everyone knows where the real embarrassment is) he is s pathetic joke of a man. Take your time your mum & friend will support you. Focus on you. Has he left the house yet? Btw get s good solicitor

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 06/02/2023 10:16

What a duplicitous shitheel of a man! And he's got a mate covering for him by posting photos of him playing golf - how vile.

I'm glad your mum is able to come and support you.

MrsR87 · 06/02/2023 10:26

heartbroken26 · 06/02/2023 09:18

Right this is going to be a long one bear with me! I'll pre face it by asking if there are any divorce lawyers reading! I've had an absolute night of it, my mum had to come around at 1am to fetch the children as I was in no state to deal with a waking night feeding baby. I've kicked him out, it's all true, I'm absolutely devastated and a little in dis belief, well a lot in disbelief that this has happened. I messaged my friend after not being able to get in his phone, asking her to just tell me (it showed she was active despite ignoring my earlier call) she called me, she said she would have rather had a face to face conversation with me but if I really wanted to know there and then she would tell me. She admitted she had not been in Swindon, nor had she seen him, however she knew he was there as he was with her sister! At the moment she told me I felt a punch to the gut. (My husband dated her sister as teenagers) it's the Forest of Dean. Everyone knows everyone! She explained she had only recently discovered it herself. My husband and her sister had been meeting once a month for sex! I asked her why she hadn't just told me from the start (at this point I was holding on to any doubt) she said she was torn between me and her sister. I ended the call with my friend and woke my husband! He of course tried denying it! I insisted he hand over his phone and un lock it, low and behold! Any evidence was all I needed to see! Pictures and crude texts! He's tried telling me there are no feelings involved and it was just sex and that after our baby I haven't 'been up for it as much' I feel absolutely sick to my stomach! So yes, he has been playing golf occasionally! To use as a cover! And the sneaky man had his his clothes in the boot space for the spare wheel! If it's sex surely you don't go shopping with them? There must be feelings involved. He begged me not to kick him out and that he was sorry and Hel stop it immediately. And for the extra kick in the teeth, she was also at the pub with him Saturday. So, where the hell do I go from here? My mum is bringing my baby back shortly and she's already taken my son to school. She's going to help me think through how I'm feeling, I'm numb, I'm lost, I'm angry, I'm torn, I'm heartbroken

@heartbroken26

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this! I’m glad your friend did the right thing in the end. It really was an awful position to be put in by your sister.

You’ll be in shock now and maybe worried about the future but remember that you are better off without him. It makes me sick when women use the line “I needed sex and you weren’t up for it because you’ve just had a baby”. No! I think the word you’re looking for is “we’ve just had a baby” and as such you also (as in husband) needs to deal with the after affects of this. He doesn’t deserve the word husband and to be honest he doesn’t deserve the title of dad either if he can’t support the family unit in the early days and would rather put his penis first.

Glad you’ve got you’re mum and friend to support you.

CountessWindyBottom · 06/02/2023 10:30

This is just awful OP, I’m so sorry. What an utter shitbag.

SomeareDeluded · 06/02/2023 10:35

He's shown you who he is, believe him.

There is rarely a happy outcome after a betrayal of this magnitude. If you forgive, you will never forget and your relationship will be forever tainted.

So very sorry OP. This is all on him. Sending hugs x

loulouljh · 06/02/2023 10:37

Oh you poor thing. How awful. Massive hugs. x

BlueBlueBlueWinter · 06/02/2023 10:44

Oh I'm so so sorry, You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about - he's an arsehole and you and your children deserve so much better. Sending you bigs hugs. You will get through this; you are stronger than you think you are.

VapeVamp12 · 06/02/2023 10:53

MrsVeryIrritated · 04/02/2023 12:16

I don't think a man would be as stupid to leave the clubs at home. Men having affairs are very sneaky.

Show quote history

Some men are so stupid, especially when it involves their dick. I can 100% believe he's that stupid to lie about playing golf and leave his golf clubs in the garage. Some of the ways my friends have caught their partners cheating is ridiculous.

oakleaffy · 06/02/2023 11:00

@heartbroken26 My goodness.
What an Arsehole.

So sorry.
I know the sick feeling- Been there.
Your poor kids.
You will survive, because you HAVE to.

Inkpotlover · 06/02/2023 11:05

Oh my god OP, I am so so sorry to read your update. I honestly thought this was going to be one of those threads where it was a misunderstanding stoked by a gossipy friend. I'm so sad for you and your children that it turned out to be true. Flowers

orangegato · 06/02/2023 11:12

Don’t blame the friend. She intended to say he’d been seen with another woman so the woman had anonymity, so she could save her friend from a cheating husband but also protect her sister. The husband was too sneaky for that. There is no going back from the sheer organisation and military planning of the deceit. Vile POS, rinse him and ditch him.