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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Could he be having an affair???

972 replies

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 11:41

Name changed for this!! I don't even know why im posting!! I don't know anything yet?! Im hoping it's all innocent!!

Today my husband told me he was going off to golf! No problem, it's a hobby he's taken up in the last 6 months and goes off most weekends! He always said it's a good de stresser as we have 2 children under 5, one of which is an baby. So of course I've had no reason to suspect anything untoward!!

My friend text me saying she's seen him with a woman shopping in the next town over!!! She doesn't think he saw her.

I don't know what to do, say, do I ring him? Do I confront him when he's home? I'm hoping my friend is wrong 😩

OP posts:
Anon300 · 05/02/2023 19:15

Your friend sounds like a stirrer and yes I think you should tell your husband.

Tonkerbea · 05/02/2023 19:19

Your friend is a drama llama.

iwantmyownicecreamvan · 05/02/2023 19:20

Yeah I'm coming round to thinking your friend is loving the drama and isn't too bothered about how upset you are. In fact unless she has stark proof tomorrow, she isn't being much of a friend.

RedHead33 · 05/02/2023 19:31

@heartbroken26 Tell your friend to tell you what she knows now, not tomorrow. It's starting to seem like she's reveling in the drama.

Isthisexpected · 05/02/2023 19:45

I'd ask her to call you tonight once kids are in bed.

Sandra1984 · 05/02/2023 19:52

I would remain calm and collected (put on your cynical hat), not say anything to your husband (just not yet) and hear what she needs to say. Then I would do my homework and make decisions based on the veracity of what she tells. She seems to enjoy the drama a bit. So Operate with caution here.

Pseudonamed · 05/02/2023 20:01

Either shes a drama llama or shes the one with him. Im still wary about him leaving his golf clubs in the garage while going golfing to be honest and then she followed him to the pub....

OnceThereWereDragons · 05/02/2023 20:09

Hmmm - if it was one of my friends and my intentions were sincere, I wouldn't make them 'wait', it's not a 2 part soap opera- I'd come straight out with my evidence.

binbum · 05/02/2023 20:16

OnceThereWereDragons · 05/02/2023 20:09

Hmmm - if it was one of my friends and my intentions were sincere, I wouldn't make them 'wait', it's not a 2 part soap opera- I'd come straight out with my evidence.

Totally agree. OP this 'friend' doesn't sound too much of one.. if my friends husband was up to something it could be 3am.. I would be making contact with the friend. Is she quite childish in general? Any other times you can think of when she's got things wrong/made incorrect assumptions about others in general?

Noodlehen · 05/02/2023 20:39

Yeah your friend sounds like she’s loving it, tell her to tell you now. But I would refrain from telling husband until you hear this piece of information. And if she is stirring cut her out.

Notaboutthebass · 05/02/2023 20:40

Get her to tell you now and don't mention to your husband yet.

nxa · 05/02/2023 20:40

OP, your friend is awful. I'm sorry she's treating you like this.

offyoufuckcuntychops · 05/02/2023 20:47

@heartbroken26 God, your friend is not very nice, is she? "I know something that you don't know ... but I'm not telling you what it is, yet". She probably needs a bit more time to invent another crock of shit. Either that, or she's 8.

I'd tell her that you don't really want to know anything more, and then give her a wide berth.

Christmaspyjamas · 05/02/2023 20:48

This is better than Happy Valley

(OP you sound like you're doing OK and I didn't mean that unkindly but with one thing and other it is a simply brilliant thread and should be preserved to laugh at with hubby one day.)

BubziOwl · 05/02/2023 20:53

if my friends husband was up to something it could be 3am.. I would be making contact with the friend.

Yes! I'd be straight over there making excuses to get her alone and tell her. Or if that's not possible, I'd certainly wait until I can see her before mentioning anything at all.

To leave you hanging is just shitty.

I'm a suspicious soul OP so I have to be honest if it were me, I'd not get my husband involved just yet. I'd wait and see what the friend has to say, just in case. But I'd also be round banging on her door demanding immediate answers tbh 🤣

lifeinthehills · 05/02/2023 20:58

I guess I'd go see what the friend has. If it turns out to be more dubious stuff, I'd start side eyeing the friend.

Casilero · 05/02/2023 21:10

I don't need your friend anymore. Why would she tell you she has more information but you have to wait until tomorrow? She was wrong about your husbands clothing and has no evidence of anything at all. The only thing that's slightly dodgy is that your husband turned his location off - but could that be explained by the golf course (and pub) have poor coverage? I don't ever turn my location on either, but then I've never used those tracking apps so no change in my behaviour there.

Casilero · 05/02/2023 21:11

*i don't believe your friend

Sorry for typos

heartbroken26 · 05/02/2023 21:40

I'm eagerly awaiting what she has to say, I feel a little anxious but to be honest I don't think I have anything to worry about, I let her get me all worried and worked up yesterday so I'm not going to let it happen! I haven't mentioned anything to my husband yet

OP posts:
CrystalCoco · 05/02/2023 21:56

No decent friend would leave you hanging overnight waiting to hear what else she's supposedly found out. As PPs have suggested, your friend sounds like she's loving the drama without actually remembering that this is about you and your marriage. I'd definitely take anything she says with a big pinch of salt.

Oh and another 'golf widow' here, DH takes some golf clubs out and leaves them behind, he also has more than one golf bag, some days (when the course is really wet) they're not allowed their trolleys so will just take what they want to carry.
The fact that 'the t-shirt' was still freshly laundered in the wardrobe, and just how good a look did your friend get at someone just walking by the shop? It all amounts to a big load of nothing.

I think this additional 'thing' your friend wants to tell you is because yesterday's big reveal landed up as nothing, so now she needs to escalate it, be very careful before you believe friend over DH.

sweetsuzie · 05/02/2023 22:13

What if she’s been seeing him and wants to do some damage to your relationship? Only once it’s wrecked to reveal it was her.

Everybodywants · 05/02/2023 22:32

If this is real and she's really said that then she isn't a friend. She'd tell you straight away, she knows how worried you are about it.

Unless it's her of course. She's putting him under pressure for him to tell you which he has promised to do. She's forcing his hand with the comment about what she bought from the outlet, it was a warning to him to hurry up. Maybe.

MaryDoll84 · 05/02/2023 22:52

This latest development definitely sounds very suss. I think she's either getting off on the drama (you did admit she's a drama llama), or she's actively looking to damage your marriage. Either way, I'd be very careful about how much personal information you disclose to her in future

AllOfThemWitches · 05/02/2023 22:57

For gods sake, if my 'friend' was doing this, I'd be straight onto my partner, the person I'm closest to, asking what the fuck she's banging on about.

heartbroken26 · 05/02/2023 22:57

Ok, so I know I shouldn't have but my curiosity got the better of me, I went to check my husbands phone... he's changed his password code! We have both had the same code for years which is our wedding anniversary. Now I am worried and anxious

OP posts:
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