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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Could he be having an affair???

972 replies

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 11:41

Name changed for this!! I don't even know why im posting!! I don't know anything yet?! Im hoping it's all innocent!!

Today my husband told me he was going off to golf! No problem, it's a hobby he's taken up in the last 6 months and goes off most weekends! He always said it's a good de stresser as we have 2 children under 5, one of which is an baby. So of course I've had no reason to suspect anything untoward!!

My friend text me saying she's seen him with a woman shopping in the next town over!!! She doesn't think he saw her.

I don't know what to do, say, do I ring him? Do I confront him when he's home? I'm hoping my friend is wrong 😩

OP posts:
Mojo777 · 05/02/2023 13:03

Am so glad you're ok, @heartbroken26 . I hope all can get sorted out now. Hugs. x

Eskimokid · 05/02/2023 13:23

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
heartbroken26 · 05/02/2023 13:37

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Lol! Yes, because of course there is only 1 family in Gloucester with 2 children under 5, whose husband plays golf, and went to the pub to watch the rugby who has a friend shop at Swindon. So identifying

OP posts:
Original poster
heartbroken26 · 05/02/2023 13:38

Mojo777 · 05/02/2023 13:03

Am so glad you're ok, @heartbroken26 . I hope all can get sorted out now. Hugs. x

Thank you! Xx

OP posts:
Eskimokid · 05/02/2023 13:41

@heartbroken26 I am actually glad it all worked out for you but yes, it's v identifying.

Sazzy6258 · 05/02/2023 13:42

You need to make your mind up

Could he be having an affair???
Chickpea17 · 05/02/2023 14:07

Glad it's all ok. People still putting negative comments haven't seen your updates I guess.

Sirius3030 · 05/02/2023 14:13

Dibbydoos · 05/02/2023 08:34

Call him with a ruse that needs him home immediately. When he gets home, ask him who he was shopping with. It may be innocent so listen. If it's not innocent give him 30mins to pack some stuff and leave. I'm hoping he won't cut you off financially, but to avoid that risk make sure whilst you're waiting for him to sort £out in joint accounts etc. You need >50% until custody is sorted.

Your friend wouldn't have called him out if she wasn't 110% sure it was him, friends don't call cheats in error.

Big hug, for you OP. Good luck xxx

You must be so disappointed.

Hobbi · 05/02/2023 14:16

Sazzy6258 · 05/02/2023 13:42

You need to make your mind up

Read. The. Thread. He didn't leave behind his clubs. He took his bag of clubs, leaving a few behind, like all golfers do.

Angelinadarling · 05/02/2023 14:19

EL0ISE · 04/02/2023 12:31

I disagree with with everyone else . Do NOT confront your husband .

He will just bull shit you, say he forget his clubs and used his mates. And that your “ witness “ mate mistook someone else for him .

When your friend comes over, put kids in front of CBeebies and get your friend to help you go through all your / his paperwork and make copies / photograph everything .

Store the on the cloud / emails to trusted friends

bank statements

mortgage statements

tenancy agreement
pensions
savings
credit cards
pay slip
bonuses
job contract
tax returns
car paperwork
marriage certificate
kids birth certificates

Say nothing to him today About the ( probably cheating ). Tell him that tour friend came over today because SHE was upset because her gran is sick / uncle had cancer / whatever.

anything that gives you an excuse is he spots that you are acting of with him . “ Yeah Im just really tired / upset about Emma’s gran”.

It also gives you a reason to go over to “ Emma’s “ house one evening if you need to talk .

On Monday make a solicitors appointment. Find out what you are entitled to if you divorce.

Still say nothing to your husband.

Keep watching him for more signs of an affair. Photograph everything ( like the golf clubs in the garage ).

Take some time to work out what YOU want to do, armed with the above information . Go for counselling ( alone) if that helps.

THIS^^^

GrasstrackGirl · 05/02/2023 14:34

Angelinadarling · 05/02/2023 14:19

THIS^^^

Show quote history

Read the fucking thread.

mattyd · 05/02/2023 15:06

I can understand why some posters don't want to read the full thread, but just reading the OP's posts is so simple. I don't get why you wouldn't.

Hobbi · 05/02/2023 15:09

@Angelinadarling

What's the matter with you?

Original poster
heartbroken26 · 05/02/2023 16:48

Sazzy6258 · 05/02/2023 13:42

You need to make your mind up

Yes, I'm guessing you haven't read all my posts! The bag was gone. I was later reliably informed golfers sometimes don't take all their clubs

OP posts:
Benjispruce4 · 05/02/2023 16:53

Hi OP did you find anything out about the kitchen fitting? 🤔

parlourb · 05/02/2023 17:02

Benjispruce4 · 05/02/2023 16:53

Hi OP did you find anything out about the kitchen fitting? 🤔

You're all being a bit silly now . Yes the thread was daft but all the details are there just read all of op's posts at least ( he wasn't gone long helping with the kitchen)

Benjispruce4 · 05/02/2023 17:03

Oh I didn’t know there had been an update. Gosh some of you gatekeepers are so on it!

Stomacharmeleon · 05/02/2023 17:14

Listen we all make mistakes. Don't be hard on yourself.
My dp said people are taking a few clubs at the moment as the greens are damaged by the bad weather. So they can't use trolleys or anything.
Just laugh it off with your friend. I find it odd she would want to stay around and drop hints about seeing him somewhere. You Don't need a mate who feeds into our anxiety.
Enjoy your evening!
Pa whatever you do, do NOT decide to confess your suspicions to your dh. It will not end well!

Benjispruce4 · 05/02/2023 17:16

See I would just be open with my DH. His reaction would tell me everything I need to know. OP I’m sorry if my doubts caused offence. It’s just not what I would do if I was handed this info. Starting a MN thread and joking about finding knickers just didn’t ring true.

Sandra1984 · 05/02/2023 17:18

@Eloise I disagree with with everyone else . Do NOT confront your husband .

He will just bull shit you, say he forget his clubs and used his mates. And that your “ witness “ mate mistook someone else for him .

When your friend comes over, put kids in front of CBeebies and get your friend to help you go through all your / his paperwork and make copies / photograph everything .

Store the on the cloud / emails to trusted friends

bank statements

mortgage statements

tenancy agreement

pensions

savings

credit cards

pay slip

bonuses

job contract
tax returns

car paperwork

marriage certificate

kids birth certificates

Say nothing to him today About the ( probably cheating ). Tell him that tour friend came over today because SHE was upset because her gran is sick / uncle had cancer / whatever.

anything that gives you an excuse is he spots that you are acting of with him . “ Yeah Im just really tired / upset about Emma’s gran”.

It also gives you a reason to go over to “ Emma’s “ house one evening if you need to talk .

On Monday make a solicitors appointment. Find out what you are entitled to if you divorce.

Still say nothing to your husband.

Keep watching him for more signs of an affair. Photograph everything ( like the golf clubs in the garage ).

Take some time to work out what YOU want to do, armed with the above information . Go for counselling ( alone) if that helps.

OMG the drama... I would do this if she had found him shagging another woman, but so far OP's only evidence is a drama loving friend who saw him walking with another woman and whose story doesn't really er..."hold up". If I was OP I would defo keep an eye on his whereabouts but photocopying all documents and going to see a divorce solicitor is being overly dramatic.

Stomacharmeleon · 05/02/2023 17:20

Sorry for the spelling errors....
'Your' anxiety not 'our'
And
Whatever you do.... not ' Pa'

Original poster
heartbroken26 · 05/02/2023 17:24

Benjispruce4 · 05/02/2023 17:16

See I would just be open with my DH. His reaction would tell me everything I need to know. OP I’m sorry if my doubts caused offence. It’s just not what I would do if I was handed this info. Starting a MN thread and joking about finding knickers just didn’t ring true.

I wasn't joking about finding knickers, sorry if it came across that way! I think I was still a bit shakey, I was being deadly serious

OP posts:
MaydinEssex · 05/02/2023 17:33

heartbroken26 · 05/02/2023 12:44

Hi all! Just to give you all an update, he's back from helping a friend already. It didn't take long, it's just bad timing that the 6 nations were on and his friend needed help, he plays golf every other weekend and usually is always with me and the kids on weekends apart from that. We had a lovely normal evening. In terms of my friend, I love her lots, but yes she is a drama Queen... i suppose I shouldn't of got so wrapped in it with her. I don't feel I have any reason to believe my husband is having an affair, she sorta led me down a path to get carried away. I'm yet to hear from my friend today so I presume she's sleeping off a hangover. Thanks for all sticking along the way with me 😊

Oh that's good, put it all behind you, enjoy the rest of your weekend 🙂

Original poster
heartbroken26 · 05/02/2023 19:10

So the plot could thicken! My friend has asked to come around tomorrow as apparently she's 'found out more' I need to know. I'm not going to lie it's giving me anxiety! However I don't know if this is just fuelling the drama. I think I'm going to tell my husband about it

OP posts:
TheChosenTwo · 05/02/2023 19:13

Your friend sounds a bit like a shit stirrer to be honest.

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