Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Could he be having an affair???

972 replies

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 11:41

Name changed for this!! I don't even know why im posting!! I don't know anything yet?! Im hoping it's all innocent!!

Today my husband told me he was going off to golf! No problem, it's a hobby he's taken up in the last 6 months and goes off most weekends! He always said it's a good de stresser as we have 2 children under 5, one of which is an baby. So of course I've had no reason to suspect anything untoward!!

My friend text me saying she's seen him with a woman shopping in the next town over!!! She doesn't think he saw her.

I don't know what to do, say, do I ring him? Do I confront him when he's home? I'm hoping my friend is wrong 😩

OP posts:
notwavingbutdrowning1 · 04/02/2023 20:30

Blimey, everyone's turning on the friend now!

Glad everything seems to be above board, @heartbroken26. I have one piece of advice for you: don't ask Mumsnet for advice. It will do your head in.

Original poster
heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 20:33

user40643 · 04/02/2023 19:55

Apparently he turned his phone tracker off, how convenient...

But his location would still be on his phone and various other things like the amount of steps he walked etc

On iPhone you have a 'find friends' app. It stated location not found. You can switch your location on and off.

OP posts:
Sandra1984 · 04/02/2023 20:41

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 20:33

On iPhone you have a 'find friends' app. It stated location not found. You can switch your location on and off.

Show quote history

It stated "location not found" because he turned of the tracker. My question is: why did he turn off the tracker? Unless we don't want to be tracked there's no bloody reason why someone would turn their tracker "off" on their phone. I for one have it always turned on because if I loose it I want to be able to track and find it, of course if I had something to hide (like my whereabouts) I would bloody turn it off.

Banditrules · 04/02/2023 20:52

Sandra1984 · 04/02/2023 20:24

Ok, lets lay your typical scenario: his phone camera didn't take any photos during that specific time, none of his friends uploaded any pics of him on social media, he (like most people) doesn't have a health app that records every number of steps they take a day AND he has switched off his phone tracker (like the OP's husband). There's absolutely NO WAY of tracking him, unless of course you're in law enforcement, ask for a subpoena to his phone company and get a memo on his phone tower tracking like police do with serious crimes (which is obvs not going to happen but that would be cool as she would really really know were exactly hubby was at all times and if he cheated or not).

Show quote history

If you have an iPhone; Settings - Privacy & Security - Location Settings - System Services - Significant Locations.

iPhones use GPS to track your locations, how often you go there & how long you normally spend there. Samsung has something similar too.

Zanatdy · 04/02/2023 20:55

PousseyNotMoira · 04/02/2023 20:05

I’ve said this upthread. Presumably the friend had no idea that he was meant to be playing golf, though. So, she saw her DH in a shop with a woman (who could have been literally anyone, as far as she knew: his mate Sue, his cousin Liz) and was instantly on the phone to ‘let her know straight away’? Why?

Show quote history

Well maybe she found it unusual or texted saying ‘saw David shopping, you not there?’ kind of thing. Or maybe then were holding hands or looked close

MaydinEssex · 04/02/2023 20:56

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 18:07

To the posters mocking me I really hope it helps made your sad lives that bit better! And a massive thank you to all the lovely posters

I've been following this post all day as I was genuinely concerned for you. I'm so relieved to see your 'friend' was wrong, ignore all the replies saying he could still be cheating, maybe they are bitter as their own partners have had affairs?

Oh and I've sniffed clothes too, my son used to have a habit of putting (his freshly laundered clothes) in the linen basket even if he hadn't worn them! it saved him the effort of hanging them back up!

I also regularly use exclamation marks to get a point across in sentences.

xogossipgirlxo · 04/02/2023 20:59

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 20:33

On iPhone you have a 'find friends' app. It stated location not found. You can switch your location on and off.

Show quote history

Hi OP. In his defence, my "find my iphone" stopped working! I'm hoping they will fix it in next update. My husband doesn't know where I am and my cup of tea is never ready before I'm back home from work lol. But seriously, it might not be him doing it on purpose, my iphone is playing up too. Same with telegram and whatsapp- no notifications, so i.e. I didn't saw my mum ringing me 4 times today

xogossipgirlxo · 04/02/2023 21:00

didn't see

Vanessashanessajenkins2 · 04/02/2023 21:10

Me too OP. I read your post with my heart in my mouth. I am so relieved for you. I totally understand that feeling of anxiety and panic.

Hope you have a better and more calming day tomorrow! 💐

Sandra1984 · 04/02/2023 21:19

Banditrules · 04/02/2023 20:52

If you have an iPhone; Settings - Privacy & Security - Location Settings - System Services - Significant Locations.

iPhones use GPS to track your locations, how often you go there & how long you normally spend there. Samsung has something similar too.

Show quote history

Good info, I wasn’t aware of that Thanks 🙏 (nonetheless it doesn’t tell you were hubby was Saturday between 1:00 and 4:30)

Banditrules · 04/02/2023 21:21

Sandra1984 · 04/02/2023 21:19

Good info, I wasn’t aware of that Thanks 🙏 (nonetheless it doesn’t tell you were hubby was Saturday between 1:00 and 4:30)

Show quote history

It used to! I used to use it for work as it had each day broke down. But you’re right, just checked and I can only see the summary for some reason now.

Choconut · 04/02/2023 21:24

I think if your friend says he's at the pub then all is good, if the friends says he's not there and tries to make something of it........then maybe you need to consider her possible motives and if she might be causing trouble.

catandcoffee · 04/02/2023 21:46

OP your friend was either mistaken or stirring......you know her the best ?

I "saw" my sister once in a car stopped at the traffic lights, it was 100% my sister I would have sworn on it, in Court.

Then my brain said how can this be your sister at 8am in a place 40 miles from where she lives, driving a very new car.................it of course was NOT her but my goodness it was freaky.

We all have someone who looks very much like us out there.

Eskimokid · 04/02/2023 21:58

I haven't read all the replies so maybe someone has said this already.

OP, from reading everything you have said, your marriage seems good and happy. In all honesty, this all seems very over dramatic, your friend phoning, coming round, dropping a hint in a conversation with your husband about the outlet store, following him (!)to a pub.

How would you feel if you had gone out today and your husband and his friend had acted like this towards you?

It doesn't show much respect to a man you love and say you have a good relationship with. I totally understand the element of panic affecting how you might behave but if you really trust him, why such a strong reaction?

I hope it all works out for you and it was nothing but reading it all back, it does sound unusually panicked for a happy marriage.

user40643 · 04/02/2023 22:10

@Sandra1984 The majority of people have their steps automatically calculated by the health app. As pp said it's also in your settings. And some social media may have tracked it at particular places. Your sarcasm is misplaced.

xMoonbabyx · 04/02/2023 22:25

in Gloucestershire? Op my dad golfs here every weekend. Feel free to send me a pm. I could ask if he's seen or knows your partner if he was golfing or not today

Emmamoo89 · 04/02/2023 22:35

I also sniff clothes too. X

parlourb · 04/02/2023 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DontLikeMenthols · 04/02/2023 23:05

xMoonbabyx · 04/02/2023 22:25

in Gloucestershire? Op my dad golfs here every weekend. Feel free to send me a pm. I could ask if he's seen or knows your partner if he was golfing or not today

Is this a wind up?

Noodlehen · 04/02/2023 23:11

I was convinced that it was all a misunderstanding and now reading again I’m not sure. The only thing we have to go on is the “panicked” look. I really hope you get to the bottom of this, OP.

Echobelly · 04/02/2023 23:42

I'm a firm believer that the simplest explanation is usually the truth - ie, OP's friend made a mistake.

The alternatives of 'Oh he went out and he changed his clothes/OP's friend is up to something and was making trouble but then decided to go to the pub and say he was there to play the long game and cover up her manipulations.' seem a bit daft to me.

And 'his face when mentioning the shops' also means nothing - confirmation bias could mean misreading a confused face that actually was conveying 'Why the hell has she just dropped this random shopping place into the conversation and why is my wife looking at me intently?'

Namechangethisonetime · 04/02/2023 23:47

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 11:54

Ok! I think this pretty much cements it!! I've just checked the garage... his golf clubs are there!

God, he’s pretty stupid.

I’m hoping he was genuinely out buying you a gift with a mutual friend or relative.

momtoboys · 05/02/2023 00:59

I really thought the worst when I read the first posts from OP. So glad it seems to be a false alarm. Signed, unfettered exclamation pointer too!

Sazzy6258 · 05/02/2023 02:21

Why don't you ask him casually about his clubs? I went in the garage yesterday and noticed your clubs were still here have you been borrowing X's clubs to give them a whirl? And then watch his reaction

Pinkknits2 · 05/02/2023 03:25

Why not talk to him about it? Tell him what happened and how you felt.