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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Could he be having an affair???

972 replies

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 11:41

Name changed for this!! I don't even know why im posting!! I don't know anything yet?! Im hoping it's all innocent!!

Today my husband told me he was going off to golf! No problem, it's a hobby he's taken up in the last 6 months and goes off most weekends! He always said it's a good de stresser as we have 2 children under 5, one of which is an baby. So of course I've had no reason to suspect anything untoward!!

My friend text me saying she's seen him with a woman shopping in the next town over!!! She doesn't think he saw her.

I don't know what to do, say, do I ring him? Do I confront him when he's home? I'm hoping my friend is wrong 😩

OP posts:

Zombiemama84 · 04/02/2023 15:37

Yes!

MzHz · 04/02/2023 15:37

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 11:41

Name changed for this!! I don't even know why im posting!! I don't know anything yet?! Im hoping it's all innocent!!

My friend text me saying she's seen him with a woman shopping in the next town over!!! She doesn't think he saw her.

I don't know what to do, say, do I ring him? Do I confront him when he's home? I'm hoping my friend is wrong 😩

Sorry, this was the excuse my dad used with my mum. :(

JML001 · 04/02/2023 15:39

This is starting to sound like a mistake to me? He's home now with his golf club bag and not wearing the clothes your friend described him as wearing when she saw him 🤷🏻‍♀️. So the only thing outstanding is that his location was off on his phone...am I missing anything?

Benjispruce4 · 04/02/2023 15:39

I’d have to say in front of your friend,you must have a double cos she thought she saw you at the designer outlet earlier.

3luckystars · 04/02/2023 15:40

Wait it out. Don’t say anything.

there is another phone.
Wait until he goes out later to gather more info.

binbum · 04/02/2023 15:44

Do you have a joint account? You could say something like.. 'I had a call from the bank earlier, saying there was an attempted transaction at X retail park & as it was a certain amount, they wanted to confirm the transaction was genuine?'

I'm clutching at straws OP but just trying to think of something you can say that will give you an answer...

DontLikeMenthols · 04/02/2023 15:47

Tyrannicalthreeyearold · 04/02/2023 15:36

Some people hire private detectives to catch their cheating partners out.
Is that unhealthy behaviour too?

Show quote history

Yes.

Echobelly · 04/02/2023 15:47

OK, on the evidence I wouldn't rush to conclusions. Your friend could be mistaken and saw someone who happens to look like him and unless his clothes are particularly distinctive (let's face it, most men's clothes aren't) there's no reason another bloke shouldn't be wearing something that matched the description of clothes he owns. I'm not sure he'd go to the trouble of changing outfits and I'm not sure it would make any sense under the circumstances, I doubt most cheaters think 'Ooh, what if someone DW knows me sees me from afar and I'm wearing the clothes I went out in?'

Benjispruce4 · 04/02/2023 15:48

But he would be in golf clothes so he would have to take a change of clothes or he would look a bit odd

Rosellee · 04/02/2023 15:48

Does he usually have a shower as soon as he gets home after golf?

Lee2323 · 04/02/2023 15:50

I would personally want to find proof of this before I reacted about it to him. Because he could easily lie without proof and then would hide all the evidence.

VouisLuitton · 04/02/2023 15:52

The clothes that she said she saw him in, are they still in his wardrobe?

Benjispruce4 · 04/02/2023 15:52

Surely when he came home and saw your friend you chatted and you said oh ‘friend’ has just been to the designer outlet and says it’s worth a look. Then you gauge his response.

Cocobutt · 04/02/2023 15:54

I’m not sure of the point of checking his car or wallet - what proof is there going to be?

I’d just breezily ask him how come he got changed?

And if he says because he got sweaty then tell him you’ll put his other clothes in the wash for him.
And see his reaction.

I think the fact that your friend saw him in the clothes he left in is less suspicious as why and when would he get changed into different clothes after meeting the woman.

WorldCuppa · 04/02/2023 15:55

It's embarrassing how much people want the man to be having an affair.
Your friend was mistaken and saw a guy that looked like your husband.
You husband arrives in golf clothes with his golf clubs and has a shower. Not at all suspicious.
Sounds like you have a friend problem not a DH problem.

Benjispruce4 · 04/02/2023 15:55

But he should have left in golf clothes!!!

Nelly10 · 04/02/2023 15:55

My H had condoms in his wallet….using them with AP. Plus receipts etc very handy looking in there.

Benjispruce4 · 04/02/2023 15:56

Why would he be shopping in golf attire?

DontLikeMenthols · 04/02/2023 15:58

WorldCuppa · 04/02/2023 15:55

This.

if I saw one of my good/best friends partners/husband out and about with another woman I’d go over and say ‘hey, good to see you! How’s it going?’ at least then you’d be able to get a good look at them incase, you know, it wasn’t them 🙃

Fuckityfuckfuck123 · 04/02/2023 15:59

How new is his car?
Mine tracks where I've been, go onto the maps app, will tell you previous locations and most visited.

KirstenBlest · 04/02/2023 16:01

@DontLikeMenthols , if you were in a shop at a shopping centre and saw someone walking past, you'd rush out of the shop to say hello? I doubt it somehow.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 04/02/2023 16:04

Grim tmi but a cheaters pants can have telling signs...

Benjispruce4 · 04/02/2023 16:05

Depends how excited he gets over designer labels. ..

MysteryBelle · 04/02/2023 16:05

Did you see him leave the house in the clothes your friend saw? He may very well be cheating on you but you also should keep in mind the possibility however unlikely that your friend is either mistaken, or even lying.

Years ago a friend of mine I’d known for 25 years called me, and said she’d seen me in my car turning into the neighborhood of a mutual colleague (a married guy). She basically implied I was having an affair with him and was I guess calling to see what I’d say. Well, she was very mistaken. I’d been nowhere near that neighborhood (but apparently she had hmm, wish I’d thought of that at the time ha), I’d been home and my car parked in my driveway all day. She kept insisting it was me. I told her no, it wasn’t. It really ticked me off that she would even think that of me, I’ve never done anything disloyal like that, and plus, why think that even if it had been me just driving in the area, I had no idea where he even lived, only worked with him occasionally, never saw him outside of work or anything. So no reason for her to jump to that. But it wasn’t me. Anyway, that goes to show that we have people that can look a lot like us out there. Could be same with your friend. I would be suspicious of both your friend and your husband until you find out more.

Original poster

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 16:06

He's leaving for the pub shortly. He's been talking to me and my friend normally. Doesn't appear to be shady, he's just mentioned he may have to help a friend fit a kitchen tomorrow.... could this be another excuse to see this woman!!

OP posts:

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