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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Could he be having an affair???

972 replies

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 11:41

Name changed for this!! I don't even know why im posting!! I don't know anything yet?! Im hoping it's all innocent!!

Today my husband told me he was going off to golf! No problem, it's a hobby he's taken up in the last 6 months and goes off most weekends! He always said it's a good de stresser as we have 2 children under 5, one of which is an baby. So of course I've had no reason to suspect anything untoward!!

My friend text me saying she's seen him with a woman shopping in the next town over!!! She doesn't think he saw her.

I don't know what to do, say, do I ring him? Do I confront him when he's home? I'm hoping my friend is wrong 😩

OP posts:
Peachy2005 · 04/02/2023 15:25

If it turns out he is cheating, don’t stay because of young kids, it’s a mistake. By all means do counselling if you want to see if it’s worth saving the marriage but if you stay, you will be expected to forgive him and continue to sleep with him - you’ll be told you’re in the wrong if you bring it up again once you’ve “forgiven” him and it’ll be painted as your fault (by him) if it all fails later because he’ll claim you never really forgave him. If you find out he’s cheating, this is your chance to get out and have it be completely and undeniably his fault, you won’t waste any more years on him and you have the chance to find someone better in the future if that’s something you want. Best of luck!

Benjispruce4 · 04/02/2023 15:27

He may well meet friends to watch rugby. That on top of a day’s golf when you have young children is selfish.

LemonTreeSkies · 04/02/2023 15:27

CrazyLadie · 04/02/2023 14:35

He hasn't take the golf bag, she found it in the garage filled with clubs

No she didn’t. She found random clubs but no bag.

Hobbi · 04/02/2023 15:28

@CrazyLadie

'He hasn't take the golf bag, she found it in the garage filled with clubs...'

Almost the opposite of what was said.

KirstenBlest · 04/02/2023 15:30

And don't rule out the second phone. Either a different phone or number or a second sim in his usual phone.

Sadly, many DHs cheat when their DW is busy with a baby and toddler.

Here's a link to The Script

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 15:30

He's home, he did get a bag out of the car and put it in the garage. He's not in the clothes my friend saw him in. I'm even more confused! He's acting normal! He's gone up for a shower. I asked him how he got on and he didn't act suspicious so either my friend is mistaken or he's a really good liar!

OP posts:
JJRC9252 · 04/02/2023 15:31

I'd personally go on his phone before saying anything! Or follow him!
If a man is being confronted about this 99% of the time they are going to lie!

Benjispruce4 · 04/02/2023 15:31

Is he in golf clothes? Could be have changed to corroborate his alibi?

Mindymomo · 04/02/2023 15:32

Go into garage and look at what’s in the bag.

Nelly10 · 04/02/2023 15:32

Hmmm shower ? My H did this when coming back from being with AP. I would ask him Op just be straight.

Benjispruce4 · 04/02/2023 15:32

Heck car for other clothes obviously! OP you’re making it easy!

Benjispruce4 · 04/02/2023 15:33

Check car

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 15:33

I've just checked the car, no evidence of anything? Although what am I looking to find? A pair of knickers, oh god, how is this happening to me

OP posts:
NeedAHoliday2021 · 04/02/2023 15:34

Go and check the bag that’s in the garage.

Benjispruce4 · 04/02/2023 15:34

Did you check earlier to see if the clothes he was seen in were missing?

Nelly10 · 04/02/2023 15:34

Aftershave strong smell?

heartbroken26 · 04/02/2023 15:34

Benjispruce4 · 04/02/2023 15:32

Heck car for other clothes obviously! OP you’re making it easy!

I suppose the clothes could be in the garage along with the bag, I'm not sure I have enough time to check before he's out the shower. I'll have to wait

OP posts:
Nixynic · 04/02/2023 15:34

Go look in the golf bag and his car quickly while he’s in the shower. See if there is a change of outfit hidden anywhere. Hopefully your friend was mistaken. X

Christinatherabbit · 04/02/2023 15:34

Your head must be all over the place. Really hoping it's a misunderstanding 💐

Nelly10 · 04/02/2023 15:35

Check his wallet too.

JJRC9252 · 04/02/2023 15:35

Go in the garage and see what's in the bag!
Then randomly ask if his been anywhere besides golf today!?
Also has he told you what golf course he goes to?
The fact his gone for a shower would call alarm bells ringing in my head if I was in your situation! I really hope this is not actually happening for you but it doesn't sound good atm

Tyrannicalthreeyearold · 04/02/2023 15:36

DontLikeMenthols · 04/02/2023 15:15

Seriously instead of sitting him down - man you MARRIED and had CHILDREN with - and just saying ‘look, Emma saw you in town with a woman - I know you said you were at golf so what is going on?’ You have decided to get your friend to STALK him?!

you do see how insane that is right? It’s not healthy behaviour.

Some people hire private detectives to catch their cheating partners out.
Is that unhealthy behaviour too?

Benjispruce4 · 04/02/2023 15:36

DH would shower after golf too. Muddy, sweaty etc.

JJRC9252 · 04/02/2023 15:37

Try and keep an eye on him going back in the garage incase he tries to move it hide it or wash anything
Check his wallet for receipts?

Rach247 · 04/02/2023 15:37

See if the clothes your friend saw him in are in the cupboard or missing.