Islamic divorce HELP

[aishaali]

I have a Nikkah in the UK so it is not recognised as a civil marriage. I have two kids and we were Islamically married for 4 years. My husband left me 2 months ago and has told me he has booked an Islamic divorce with an imam in 2 weeks time. He doesn’t pay any maintenance or anything, he has just left to live with his parents, and I am left with the 2 kids at home paying rent. The thing is I have no financial protection here or no rights whatsoever. I told him I won’t be attending the Islamic divorce because it is too soon. A legal divorce takes months, even years to settle, and somehow for an Islamic divorce he can literally sign a paper with an imam present and divorce me there and then. I said I will not attend to delay the divorce because we need to have childcare plans and financial arrangements in place. He said if I don’t attend the appointment in 2 weeks then apparently he is able to sign the forms without me and do the Islamic divorce without me even being present! He said women don’t get a say in islam so he will divorce me and send me a divorce paper through the post. How crazy is that? I feel so helpless. Ideally I wanted to save the marriage but I have no time and certainly no time to settle finances etc. Has any other Muslim woman with only an Islamic Nikkah ceremony been divorced by their husband without even being present at the mosque? Why do women in UK get no say in Islamic divorce? Since it is not a legal marriage I have no power or protection or rights.

Op he isn't your husband you are not married so the "divorce" is irrelevant. He will still need to pay maintenance though.
going forward get legally married if you meet someone new so you have financial protection with your home etc.

OP, how old are you? You sound unbelievably naive and you made a terrible mistake four years ago.

Listen to the advice on here - it is unanimous after all.

Forget your "husband". Sort yourself out and protect your children.

Don't enter into another Nikkah.

He's still obligated to take care of your kids. I would lawyer up and learn if your rights.

I'm sorry this is happening to you.
This may be helpful

www.mwnuk.co.uk/Helpline_181_c.php

How does it make me a fool to love my husband and want to save my marriage?

Because he is an awful person, who is taking advantage of you and treating you appallingly. I wouldn't call you a fool, I'd say you were disillusioned, and insecure.

Let me see...

You love him because he is good looking. That's about as silly as it gets.

You entered into a Nikkah without bothering to enquire about your rights

You had kids with a philanderer

Now you're not listening to advice

Seriously? So what is the whole point of marriage when one person can just wake up one day and divorce you for no reason? Where is there any protection in marriage if you can divorce anyone whenever?

Already found it hard to beleive she didnt know anything before getting married. Now I'm starting to see that this what you mean, somethings not quite right.
Although she cannot actually stop the divorce surely if that's the only thing she wants from this thread , she could have Googled the answer, or found contact details for charities/ support / Mosques or services that offer islamic divorce to ask advice.

it is a British issue not recognising a Nikkah as a marriage

It would be a good thing if the civil contract could be made implicit in the religious marriage ceremony as it is in the Church of England.

Because generally, people don't do that. It would be the result of cheating, or abuse, or issues that have taken a while to just be utterly done with. The legal protection of marriage is geared towards the financial side of it, bot forcing someone to stay with their husband or wife when they don't want to.

It's a shame there's been so much victim-blaming on this thread, and that so many have decided to troll-hunt instead of offering constructive support to OP.

Nobody wakes up one day. It follows a series of events where one party decides enough is enough.
He's been cheating on you , shows no remorse or efforts to change and shows no respect for your children , you should have been the one to just "wake up one day ".

This is a good website. It's aimed specifically at women and there is a helpline you can call to get legal info.

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/advice-lines/

The imam at our Islamic marriage in Manchester explicitly told me I was not legally married. (We were the following week).

The OP must have known this. It’s a very odd thread.

I’ve reported but they seem strangely reluctant to take it down….

Not victim blaming at all. For someone who has had a Nikkah the OP seems to have a very limited understanding of what is she signed up for.

This is painful to read.

Probably want see where OP is going with this…

Well he obviously doesn't love you & want to save the "marriage"

For a relationship to work, both people need to want to be in it.

Marriage - Islamic or otherwise - doesn't stop people breaking up. Only love can do that.

The only hope you have is if he decides he loves you. There is nothing you, or anyone else, can do unfortunately.

It’s far more likely they’re counting the traffic here. There seems to be a lot of threads where the OP is wilfully being unreasonable, unbelievably so, that get a lot of traffic.

OP ignore the people telling you what you should and shouldn't have known or done four years ago, they are hardly helping!

I do agree that your husband is unlikely ever to treat you well even if you change his mind this time. Ho appears to see women as something to be used and not as partners. That is always going to be lonely.

I think what might slow things down, and if not,at least get a better outcome for you and your children, is for you, your family, and the Imam to persuade your husband and his family to behave in a less shameful way, and to continue to support the children and ensure you are secure financially.

I would hope an Imam would be able to influence him and his family to look after you. But in the end, married or not, if someone decides to end a relationship then they can. And a few minutes on mumsnet shows that people (and most definitely men) do do this, even when thwy are married.

The main difference between your situation and a marriage recognised in uk law is that there is more chance of the abandoned spouse claiming a share of any joint assets for her/him self (though as pps have said, you will atill be owed child maintenance).

"Legal" marriage does not protect people against their spouses leaving - on the very same day they decide to go, in some cases .

Seriously? So what is the whole point of marriage when one person can just wake up one day and divorce you for no reason? Where is there any protection in marriage if you can divorce anyone whenever?

The protection is financial: the money and property of the marriage will be split more fairly if you have a UK-legal marriage, compared to not being legally married when you separate.

It is not the point of marriage to force people to stay together. No marriage will give you protection from divorce or separation - if you weren't allowed to leave it would be like a prison.

You need to claim child maintenance from him via the CMS. Do this asap, don't wait for him to come back as you know he will just go again, and you need the money.

I would also advise working on dealing with your feelings of shame - they are not healthy or productive and are damaging your mental health. Would you consider a counsellor?

The main difference between your situation and a marriage recognised in uk law is that there is more chance of the abandoned spouse claiming a share of any joint assets for her/him self

Yes. No idea what your financial circumstances are, but if your husband is a modest earner, you're living in rented accommodation and have little in the way of savings/pensions, then materially it makes no difference if you're legally married or not.