Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Islamic divorce HELP

338 replies

aishaali · 04/02/2023 11:08

I have a Nikkah in the UK so it is not recognised as a civil marriage. I have two kids and we were Islamically married for 4 years. My husband left me 2 months ago and has told me he has booked an Islamic divorce with an imam in 2 weeks time. He doesn’t pay any maintenance or anything, he has just left to live with his parents, and I am left with the 2 kids at home paying rent. The thing is I have no financial protection here or no rights whatsoever. I told him I won’t be attending the Islamic divorce because it is too soon. A legal divorce takes months, even years to settle, and somehow for an Islamic divorce he can literally sign a paper with an imam present and divorce me there and then. I said I will not attend to delay the divorce because we need to have childcare plans and financial arrangements in place. He said if I don’t attend the appointment in 2 weeks then apparently he is able to sign the forms without me and do the Islamic divorce without me even being present! He said women don’t get a say in islam so he will divorce me and send me a divorce paper through the post. How crazy is that? I feel so helpless. Ideally I wanted to save the marriage but I have no time and certainly no time to settle finances etc. Has any other Muslim woman with only an Islamic Nikkah ceremony been divorced by their husband without even being present at the mosque? Why do women in UK get no say in Islamic divorce? Since it is not a legal marriage I have no power or protection or rights.

OP posts:
RingRingRingGoesTheTelephone · 04/02/2023 13:48

But you aren't actually married so it doesn't really make a difference if he visits someone and chants something or other to divorce you, you are a single woman in legal terms anyway.

Just claim child maintenance, that has nothing to do with marriage, he can't just chant his way out of that.

Original poster
aishaali · 04/02/2023 13:48

springerspanielpuppy · 04/02/2023 13:22

What a weird thread are there gremlins in the system today?

What is your actual problem… actually having seriously life crisis here and people have offered great advice. Take your negativity elsewhere. Your life may be going swimmingly but that isn’t the case for all of us

OP posts:
mightymam · 04/02/2023 13:50

You don’t understand divorce is frowned upon in Islam. It is a big embarrassment and shame on me and my kids and family that my husband has walked out on us.

Correction: divorce isn't frowned upon in islam. It's frowned upon in many cultures. Different thing.

roarfeckingroarr · 04/02/2023 13:51

OP you don't have a legal marriage - a Nikkah is meaningless in UK law. What do you expect UK courts to do? If you wanted to be protected by marriage you should have gotten married

AbsolutePixels · 04/02/2023 13:51

My understanding is that, under Sharia Law, women should have their own money returned to them if they are divorced by their husband. Did you bring money into the marriage, OP?

Untitledsquatboulder · 04/02/2023 13:52

aishaali · 04/02/2023 11:19

Apparently he can say “talaq talaq talaq” and by saying that then he is also divorced and can sign the paper without me. Has any muslim woman in the UK been through this?? How can I buy myself time to save my marriage if divorce is this simple for the man.

You're born into Islam but you didn't know this? You don't know your own religious law and you seem unsure of your rights under UK law. Why is this?

BobSacamono · 04/02/2023 13:54

Also your username - if it is real - is very outing isn’t it?

Original poster
aishaali · 04/02/2023 13:55

What I want is to stop the divorce going through. Some people are very rude and insensitive. I want my husband back and I want to delay the process

OP posts:
UmmH · 04/02/2023 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Toddlerteaplease · 04/02/2023 13:56

I think your marriage is over. He's not coming back. And with behaviour like that, you are well rid. As others have said, put a claim through the CSA for maintenance.

3WildOnes · 04/02/2023 13:59

You shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed for him leaving you, that's all on him.
I would be ashamed and embarrassed to give him another chance. Have some self respect. Think of your children. He's good looking? Who gives a fuck! Are you a teenager?
Being on your own is infinitely better than staying with a useless man child like this.

dottypencilcase · 04/02/2023 13:59

Ferguson0909 · 04/02/2023 13:45

Surely I cannot be the only one who thinks that this OP is a complete wind up. How can someone who was born into the faith, who clearly has family around for support, not be aware of the rules around Nikkah?
The may not be aware of the rules around child maintenance etc, but I cannot see how anyone who has grown up around this culture and faith does not know the rules about Islamic marriages. I know many girls who have been married under these circumstances, and even the most poorly educated and conservative (generally from Bangladesh) know the rules and procedures.
Nah. OP is having a laugh at MN users expense. Complete wind up.

I'm beginning to think the same. This cannot be a serious thread. Definitely a windup.

BadNomad · 04/02/2023 14:00

aishaali · 04/02/2023 13:55

What I want is to stop the divorce going through. Some people are very rude and insensitive. I want my husband back and I want to delay the process

You can't. What you want doesn't matter. You can't stop someone from divorcing you. You can't make someone stay with you. You can't make someone want you.

Ferguson0909 · 04/02/2023 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

That is exactly what it is. An attempt at Muslim bashing. Poor downtrodden Muslim women.

Everyone is falling for it.

007DoubleOSeven · 04/02/2023 14:00

aishaali · 04/02/2023 13:55

What I want is to stop the divorce going through. Some people are very rude and insensitive. I want my husband back and I want to delay the process

I have huge sympathy for you but I don't believe you can, unless the Imam intervenes then you need to accept it. Break ups are always painful , especially when not mutual but you can't force someone to stay with you

Snapplepie · 04/02/2023 14:01

Hi OP. Sorry that you are going through this. Do you have any local Muslim women's groups who might be able to help. When I lived in Nottingham these ladies were fab, and ran sessions for women on their rights within Islamic marriages and divorce etc. nottinghammuslimwomensnetwork.co.uk/about-us if you don't have anything locally they may be able to point you in the direction of someone who can help.

Original poster
aishaali · 04/02/2023 14:02

Ferguson0909 · 04/02/2023 14:00

That is exactly what it is. An attempt at Muslim bashing. Poor downtrodden Muslim women.

Everyone is falling for it.

Show quote history

No I have nothing against being a Muslim. I don’t want to divorce my husband. And I do realise if I had a Nikkah in a MUSLIM country then I’d have more support in place. It’s because I live in the UK I have no support. So if anything it is a British issue not recognising a Nikkah as a marriage!

OP posts:
diddl · 04/02/2023 14:04

aishaali · 04/02/2023 13:55

What I want is to stop the divorce going through. Some people are very rude and insensitive. I want my husband back and I want to delay the process

Then more fool you if you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you.

Hoppinggreen · 04/02/2023 14:04

aishaali · 04/02/2023 13:55

What I want is to stop the divorce going through. Some people are very rude and insensitive. I want my husband back and I want to delay the process

You can’t

diddl · 04/02/2023 14:06

It’s because I live in the UK I have no support.

So if you lived elsewhere his family would support you??

1stTimeMama · 04/02/2023 14:06

aishaali · 04/02/2023 14:02

No I have nothing against being a Muslim. I don’t want to divorce my husband. And I do realise if I had a Nikkah in a MUSLIM country then I’d have more support in place. It’s because I live in the UK I have no support. So if anything it is a British issue not recognising a Nikkah as a marriage!

Show quote history

Even if you were legally married, you have no rights to stop or delay a divorce. The law changed last year to make divorces 'no contest' meaning anyone that is married can get a divorce for no other reason than they want one.

Irah15 · 04/02/2023 14:06

aishaali · 04/02/2023 14:02

No I have nothing against being a Muslim. I don’t want to divorce my husband. And I do realise if I had a Nikkah in a MUSLIM country then I’d have more support in place. It’s because I live in the UK I have no support. So if anything it is a British issue not recognising a Nikkah as a marriage!

Show quote history

Sorry but genuinely what do you want , you would have the same in any country, maybe I'm wrong . All you need right now is child maintenance and you can have that whether the UK recognises the Nikkah or not ?

Alaldlccmemsjzja · 04/02/2023 14:07

OP he wants to divorce you

you cannot force him to stay or to love you

skippymcflippy · 04/02/2023 14:08

You sum the entire thing up in the last sentence of your OP
Since it is not a legal marriage I have no power or protection or rights
So you did know that, and knowing that you still went ahead anyway and now you say So if anything it is a British issue not recognising a Nikkah as a marriage!
Nikkah is not legally recognized in the UK, therefore you have no legal rights.
There is nothing you can do to stop it. Therefore you need to accept this and find out what rights you do have and what help you are entitled to - ie. child maintenance, universal credit etc.
If you were not muslim and had been living with a man, not married, exactly the same situation would have arisen. He can end the relationship at any time (as could you) and there is nothing you can do to stop this. Even if you were legally married he could still end the marriage if he wanted to (as could you).

diddl · 04/02/2023 14:08

So if anything it is a British issue not recognising a Nikkah as a marriage!

Of course it isn't as he could still just walk away & divorce you!