Times you've just had to laugh at a narc

[LittlemissMama67]

We all know that narcissistic abuse is not funny and I don't want to make light of the abuse. And a lot of what they do is very very damaging. I'm permanently scarred from some of bullshit this man put me through but sometimes they're just pathetic, and it's ok to look back and laugh and say wow you're really just an insecure small dicked little man aren't you 😂👌🏻

This is a place to share funny shit your narcissistic partner/ ex partner/ parent/ friend/ acquaintance whoever has done and you've just had to laugh at how pathetic they are. I'll go first.

8 years ago I broke up with my sons dad, text book narc, abusive physically too. He was awful. A month after I left he roped me back in with promises of change, of love respect and kindness, a family unit all that crap. So like the silly young girl I was I went back. I went into the house and he said to me before you start unpacking I need to give you something. I was like oh ok and I followed him up stairs to the bedroom, where he with a straight face handed me a piece of paper. It was headed.

"Contract to move back in"

Dated the lot, he'd hand written me a contract to sign, of rules I had to agree to follow in order to be allowed to move back in. It even had signed and a little dotted line at the bottom for me to sign. He'd put some effort into it. They were as follows

1. The house has to be clean at all times

1. My dinner is ready when I get home everyday

1. No arguing (by that he meant no calling him out on shitty behaviour, so basically allowing him to treat me like shit)

1. I do not have to help with looking after the baby that is solely your job

1. I'm allowed to play my Xbox as much as I want

1. You are not allowed to spend any money out of the joint account (this was also my only bank account, where all my wages were paid into, he didn't want me to touch it)

And lastly this was the one that sent me over the edge

1. None of your friends or family are allowed in the house ever again

I read it looked at him handed it back and said do you really expect me to sign this? He said well you can't move back in if you don't and I said well I'm not moving back in then am I? 🤔 obviously do I look like a mug to you??

He genuinely thought I'd happily sign it. I took a picture of it for comedy value with my friends and left. Done and dusted

Im sure this thread won’t go down well, but hers mine.
My sister who is the amost narcissistic person I know told me that I’d ‘ruined her life by being gay’ not sure how I managed that one of what effect it had on her, 20 years later we still haven’t spoken.

Partner told me I wasn't allowed to run if he could see me because he didn't fancy me when I ran.

My exh had his solicitor send me a letter demanding I remove my newly fitted blinds in my new house- as he could no longer see in through my windows...
He also wrote directly to a judge demanding a custodial sentence be given for my claiming CB for our dc.

My rapey narc exh asked to join a new hobby group I'd started! Fucking deluded man.

The day I left mine he told me I had to 'write a list of ways I can change my behaviour to show contrition'. When i explained my little woman brain couldn't handle such tasks and he should write it for me the list was very long but there was 'buy him presents' and 'always say yes, arguing or saying no to one of his simple requests was not allowed'...I left that day.

My narcissistic XH weirdly copies everything I do. He’s both narcissistic and weirdly obsessed with me.

I got some facial piercings so he went and got some too.

I’m a working musician and bought an expensive new instrument, think a couple of grand. When he saw it he went to the shop and bought the exact same one. His skill level on this instrument is like being able to play Chopsticks on the piano, badly.

He got a puppy, a breed he swore he’d never have because they are horrible yappy things, he hates them and they’re too small. This puppy is exactly the same breed as the dog I had when he first met me, and guess what, he gave it exactly the same name. He did it as revenge because I reported him to the RSPCA for mistreating his previous dog.

The man is absolutely pathetic. I don’t know what he’s trying to prove, but I just laugh at him now, and my God, does he not know how to deal with that.

Asked a narcissist to do me a small favour after end of relationship.

He said yes.

When two weeks later he hadn't done it (would have taken 10 mins) I chased him.

He said, I deliberately didn't do the favour because I wanted to know if you'd chase me and now you have chased me I'm not doing it because I didn't like being chased.

What a weirdo.

Not me but a close friend with a narc mother (whom I have helped out a few times thanks to her mother's behaviour over the years - since we were both teens) - friend's older sibling (also a narc and with whom she is LC) was coming to stay so my friend was told to move out into a hotel. The house has four bedrooms ie. more than enough rooms for them all. Reasoning was "but you will be listening to our conversations and ruining everything". More recently mother threw away expensive perfume (literally tipped it down the sink, as friend was going into the bathroom in the morning) and said to friend she just "felt like" doing it "to see your reaction" and would replace it later.

Put one of those wash on tattoos on your face for a few days, see if he rushes out to get an actual face tattoo xD

But yeh, stealing 'you' is typical narc behaviour.

Please please please @Annoyingwurringnoise fuck with this man. Can you get a massive temporary throat or face tattoo? Borrow someone’s super weird /fancy car until he buys one. Pretend you are up scaling to a larger house/landscaping the garden... share all your ‘plans’ on fb. Publicly. Please?

My neighbour

when we moved in,we had lovely neighbours-one side bought-the other council
one side moved,the other died

we get on with one side but the other (council) is a nightmare

shes taken it on herself to be queen of the street and decided we are not to park outside our house-we have to park 5 streets away

We ignored her,so she’s been keeping tabs on our movements via her bloody ring doorbell
shes claimed we’ve hit her car 3 times in 3 years but refuses to claim on the insurance (most likely because there’s never been an accident)

she’s forever ringing the police on us for nothing-twice we’ve been away when she claims we went for her

we have her on our doorstep at least once a week,screaming at us-she freely admits she’s been bad mouthing us to anyone who will listen(we don’t care) and keeps screaming at us that ‘I’m going to contact your landlord to get you evicted!’

best bit is-she doesn’t have a clue that we bought our house-we don’t have a landlord but the council will be getting notified about her very soon

@Pinkbonbon @TheCatterall I no longer see him because I moved away a few years ago.

he actually called me before Christmas, while I was at work, first time he’d attempted to do so in about three years. I actually thought I’d blocked him, but obviously I hadn’t. Ostensibly he’d called to ask about his son, but in reality he only mentioned him once, then immediately change the subject back to himself. I Gray rocked him for a couple of minutes, then ended the call and blocked him. It must’ve got to him because my sister told me a couple of days later he tried to ring my mum, who apparently ignored his call. I don’t speak to my mum either as she’s also a narc.

I find it all rather pathetic and amusing now, but for years that bastard messed with my head, verbally, emotionally, and physically abused me. I left him 10 years ago, but he was still controlling me via the divorce and my son for years after. he almost destroyed me. He didn’t succeed though.

I’ve just laughed out loud at this! you beautiful woman ! What a gift, I needed that today !!!

My ex was like this (I’m going back 25+ years)

he just couldn’t bear anyone having something he didn’t

my dad told him that he’d bought 6 flatscreen tvs (they where just coming out at the time) and had them all over the house

my ex didn’t stop and think about the fact there’s no way that dad would buy one new telly-let alone 6 and rushed out to buy the best of the best

dad then mentioned a new gadget called a DVD player-ex rushed out and spent £800 on one

dad them dropped into conversation that he’d bought himself some expensive boots-ex ran to the shop to buy some.

dad mentioned he was going on expensive holidays-ex fell over himself to get to the travel agents

all this was on credit

he ended up bankrupt before he found out my dad had taken the piss out of him and had done over 3 years

serves him right for not paying for his kids-and it’s all my dads fault he was so greedy and bought all this crap

i didn’t see my dad waving ex’s credit card around…

When he earnestly told me that he’d seen his kids every week for the past three years. He’d just got back from three months in SE Asia and that certainly wasn’t the only lengthy trip he’d taken over the past several years. I could see he had convinced himself it was true as well. That was the moment I knew for my sanity I had to give up trying to reason with him entirely.

Ooh so many, but these ones stand out.

The sulking. Would sulk and refuse to talk to me after some slight or other. I asked what I'd wrong. Apparently if I didn't know, he wasn't going to tell me.

Also he burnt through his £100k+ pension fund in the first year of separation, then tried to claim poverty in Court.

He then also took out loans at 50% interest and from credit cards to pay for a wedding in Italy before our divorce was finalised. Proceedings were delayed as he refused to provide his paperwork to Court, so he spent around £30k and had a have a fake ceremony (in Italian so no one realised it was fake) 🤣 Honestly, you couldn't make this shit up.

Oh, I just remembered...he got a similar tattoo to me too!

Not sure if this thread is cathartic or just pure awful but here's mine.

My daughters father is a text book narcissist. He gaslit me into believing that I had borderline personality syndrome and wanted me to seek help from the doctor, citing I was "mental".
He told me our relationship would not get better until he saw a doctors report to state I had the condition and I was receiving therapy.

3 years on since I left him, we have recently both undergone psychological evaluation via the family court whereby he has been diagnosed with a personality disorder and that he is indeed the one with a dangerous state of mental health and is likely to be awarded the very minimum of contact with our daughter...

He still maintains that he is the victim of domestic abuse and I am the perpetrator despite countless police records to state the contrary.

How I laughed (not at mental health, just at him eating his words)

V abusive ex (narc, sociopath, physically and emotionally abusive) told me I wasn't allowed to close doors as it wasn't my house so I had no right to touch them.
This is just one of the thousands of insane things he said to me and probably the most minor but in hindsight, it makes me laugh.

My narc ex often text me to tell me what a shit mum I am (been split almost 11 years now) I stay silent and dignified by not answering but within the last week I have found out that his gf of 3 years is on only fans and uses insta and tic tic to promote it with a few vids thrown in of her and her young daughter doing silly stuff on there for all the perverts to see. He don’t know I know yet I’m saving that one lol

I was laughed at by my sister becoz i had 2 children under 4 i was young but she would laugh and skit at me saying oh you wont cope your on benefits you lost your youth im glad its not me no one wants that baggage bla bla bla it was awful she was like this to others as well awful fast forward over 20 years later shes in her 40s with 2 children under 5 by to different dads and on benefits she said its hard work with kids at my age i told her i wouldent know my babies are adults now. ive got to go ive got work in the morning i need an early night .
she hates that know one will run for her due to how she treated others years ago.

My narc H tried to diagnose me with autism using youtube videos as a proof. To him, me being autistic, was the explanation to our unhappy life and relationship. Not the lying and cheating he practised..

My exh had his solicitor send me a letter demanding I remove my newly fitted blinds in my new house- as he could no longer see in through my windows

Sorry eastereggs I know this must not have been as far away from funny as you could get at the time but what a fucking basket case🤣. I would have been waiting for that fucker with a hose in an upstairs window 😂😂

Strange you say that... Got woken up Easter BHM by the police coming to arrest my dp... Exh had stated a man of his description threw water bombs at him. Dp was a bearded shaven haired 30+yo...
Floppy haired teen ds dropped into the chat it had been him dropping them from upstairs at his dbs...
Police said ex was the joke of the station!

There are too many things to write but this should give you the idea of the pettiness levels. Back in the day when we did our food shop he wanted me to separate any toiletries that were for me and pay for them separately to the joint shop, It wasn’t anything fancy think razors, shower gel and tampax etc.

Cockroach of a man.