Times you've just had to laugh at a narc

[LittlemissMama67]

We all know that narcissistic abuse is not funny and I don't want to make light of the abuse. And a lot of what they do is very very damaging. I'm permanently scarred from some of bullshit this man put me through but sometimes they're just pathetic, and it's ok to look back and laugh and say wow you're really just an insecure small dicked little man aren't you 😂👌🏻

This is a place to share funny shit your narcissistic partner/ ex partner/ parent/ friend/ acquaintance whoever has done and you've just had to laugh at how pathetic they are. I'll go first.

8 years ago I broke up with my sons dad, text book narc, abusive physically too. He was awful. A month after I left he roped me back in with promises of change, of love respect and kindness, a family unit all that crap. So like the silly young girl I was I went back. I went into the house and he said to me before you start unpacking I need to give you something. I was like oh ok and I followed him up stairs to the bedroom, where he with a straight face handed me a piece of paper. It was headed.

"Contract to move back in"

Dated the lot, he'd hand written me a contract to sign, of rules I had to agree to follow in order to be allowed to move back in. It even had signed and a little dotted line at the bottom for me to sign. He'd put some effort into it. They were as follows

1. The house has to be clean at all times

1. My dinner is ready when I get home everyday

1. No arguing (by that he meant no calling him out on shitty behaviour, so basically allowing him to treat me like shit)

1. I do not have to help with looking after the baby that is solely your job

1. I'm allowed to play my Xbox as much as I want

1. You are not allowed to spend any money out of the joint account (this was also my only bank account, where all my wages were paid into, he didn't want me to touch it)

And lastly this was the one that sent me over the edge

1. None of your friends or family are allowed in the house ever again

I read it looked at him handed it back and said do you really expect me to sign this? He said well you can't move back in if you don't and I said well I'm not moving back in then am I? 🤔 obviously do I look like a mug to you??

He genuinely thought I'd happily sign it. I took a picture of it for comedy value with my friends and left. Done and dusted

My vile abusive narc ex told the court during our divorce:

Financially abused him by claiming child maintenance six months after we split because he wouldn't voluntarily pay anything
That I got a work bonus due to him providing childcare (for his own children for 3 days while I was away) which he should be entitled to as payment fo his childminding services
I had apparently used all his redundancy money on a holiday for me and "my" children (we had a family holiday with OUR children 6 months before his redundancy and I paid for it!)
I was controlling because I objected to him seeing other women

The list goes on..... but I have to laugh at some of them now that I am out the other side!

Ooo remembered another. ExDH tells everyone I was horrible to him, abusive etc which is hilarious considering this is the same person who would say things to me such as the reason my parent had committed suicide when I was a child was my fault as I was such a bitch…

charming the guys aren’t they! I’m genuinely sure he doesn’t remember any of his actions

There's a poster on here whose ex is currently sending her solicitor letters claiming she owes him money for all kinds of things - engagement ring etc. One is storage for their DC's stuff that he has had at his house since the break up!?

But the one that had me laughing out loud (poor woman is finding it less funny, understandably) is that he has itemised her "share" of the petrol costs for family holidays they took 10 years ago while they were still together and included them in the list of items she must pay him back for!

I think I love your Dad!😍

Haha

everyone thinks my dad is a harmless old man who smells of horse manure (hes a gardener) wears a daft hat and tatty clothes

underneath this,he’s an utter cunt who will study you and go for your weak spot-turning it to his advantage

he will also play the long game-and ex was dragging me through the courts for access to our children-just to hurt me-he didn’t pay a penny for his kids or legal fees (after all,‘it’s free innit?’no mate someone has to pay for legal aid-it’s just not you)

ex was that greedy he didn’t stop and think-he just wanted bigger and better than anyone

dad is really tight and pays in cash for everything-if he has to buy something-which is rare-ex didn’t have the money so put it all on credit-which he forgot he’d have to pay it all back

my dad claimed he got new phones,holidays,clothes,tv,other tech-the list was endless

every week,dad had bought something else-the best was a new hand made kitchen-dad owns his house,ex rented-ex rushed out and dumped 10k more that dad had said his cost,for one in his rented flat

he was chucked out 6 months later-leaving the kitchen behind but still paying for it

It was all bollocks-but my ex went round telling everyone that it’s dads fault he ended up with nothing

we just laughed…

I know someone who threw a beer bottle at their dh's head and then yelled at him when he ducked and it hit the wall taking a chunk out of it. His fault apparently!

Not me but my friend’s narc ex. He enrolled on a course she was going to teach. She didn’t know until Lesson 1 when he was there in the class. It was a skill building, practical class — think woodwork type thing— and every instruction she gave he either questioned it or did something else. This went on every week for 10 weeks, thankfully he didn’t re-enrol for term 2.

he just couldn’t bear anyone having something he didn’t

I sometimes wonder if there's a part of me that's 'missing' because I just can't relate to things like that.

Surely the point of a friend with benefits is they have a decent dick ?

@whattodo1975 I have bipolar and was in an episode so I wasn't very discerning at the time. Ironically, decent penetrative sex was one of the things I was after. Then it was very hard to get out of for another 18 months or something, because I thought he was a close friend. But imagine having to give oral to an impotent one for 45 mins at a time or something.

I was told I was to stop using facial expressions as I had a crease developing on my nose and he hated it.

I've been narc free in my private life so far but have come across them in the workplace.

I think certain of the patients I have looked after on the ward where I work must have been narcs... the kind of person that would tell the staff that they were fine, didn't want pain relief etc and then be all woe is me, I'm in agony to their clearly long suffering partners.
Often there are patients who tell different things to different people as it suits them & it can be confusing.

I also think one or two certain senior staff may be narcs eg one anaesthetist who is especially mean & nasty.. a surgeon who throws things and loses his temper.... etc

I was told I was to stop using facial expressions as I had a crease developing on my nose and he hated it.

Just wow. Well adjusted normal partners would be 'aww, I love your creases and wrinkles.'

.

I've encountered so many narcs it's depressing. I'm getting better at spotting them.

Right now I have a frenemy who has attempted to smear me for all kinds of bollocks at work and is now either walking round with a wounded expression or emailing me and expecting me to apologise for being in any way miffed at the shitstorm she created.

I'm going through similar. I went to therapy with my partner who claimed he would happily pay for me to see a psychologist to get diagnosed. When I found out he had cheated on me, he told people we had fallen out because I was mentally unstable. If I asked a question about the cheating, he said I was emotionally abusive and that I had personality disorder. We are still together and I'm pretty broken by the things he has done.
We can have a minor falling out (basically he does something horrible and I withdraw) and I will get messages upon message telling me how I'm a nasty, evil bitch. Last time I kept repeating "I'm not to get into a text conversation with you as it's not conducive and it's upsetting me when you call me names. However if you wish to come home and discuss any issues, then we can do so". I would be getting 10 plus messages (that I didn't read) in a row. Telling me I'm mental, horrible and need therapy.

Well done for breaking free!

Thank you OP, I think it helped me understand some stuff.

Oh and I've also received a "conditions you must meet or I'll leave you" all in a message. From my partner who has destroyed me emotionally, cheated and grabbed me and pushed me across the room!

My über narcissistic brother told me I wasn’t understanding how hard it was for him to be the brother of a sexually abused person (me and another sister) after he told me it was affecting an event for his child and how it was shit that they were missing out the whole family buzz in spite of the fact I had two of the same events for my kids in the previous 6 months who obviously had to miss out due to having a shitty narcissistic family but obviously that doesn’t matter to a narcissist. Sadly he was not the worst narcissist in the family as that prize went to his sexually abusing sidekick brother and the parents who swept the abuse under the rug so actually he wins on being the least narcissistic of the narcissists I had to deal with in the family before I went nc.

Mother told me at 17 she wanted me to marry her (much younger) live in lover, to make things 'convenient' for them to carry on their affair under my stepfather's drunken nose.

My narc ex h told me on email whilst we were trying to sort out the divorce "if you hadn't kept on checking up on me we'd still be happily married now". This was after I caught him having one very definite affair and sexting a load of other women so I left him

Such an interesting thread

This is nothing compared to some of the stories in here, but it's very classic narc behaviour - my mum showed little interest in me when I lived at home, and zero when I moved out to uni - she didn't ring me once.

A few weeks after I left I had an angry phone call from my brother (flying monkey) having a go at me because I'd embarrassed and upset her. The reason? Because she'd bumped into a mum from the same school who had asked her what I was studying, and she didn't know, and how awkward/embarrassing that had been.

That's so funny 😂 how dare you not tell me when I don't ask.

Oh that's reminded me of 'D' GM who I'm pretty sure was a narc - telling me she didn't like the expression on my face. Well I'm looking at you, love, no wonder it's registering distaste. 😆

My mum once whacked her arm into my chest in the car driving down the motor way because the sun was in my eyes and I was "giving myself a forehead wrinkle" trying not to go blind 😂 I'd rather have crows feet than no vision. Bloody hurt aswell 😂