Times you've just had to laugh at a narc

[LittlemissMama67]

We all know that narcissistic abuse is not funny and I don't want to make light of the abuse. And a lot of what they do is very very damaging. I'm permanently scarred from some of bullshit this man put me through but sometimes they're just pathetic, and it's ok to look back and laugh and say wow you're really just an insecure small dicked little man aren't you 😂👌🏻

This is a place to share funny shit your narcissistic partner/ ex partner/ parent/ friend/ acquaintance whoever has done and you've just had to laugh at how pathetic they are. I'll go first.

8 years ago I broke up with my sons dad, text book narc, abusive physically too. He was awful. A month after I left he roped me back in with promises of change, of love respect and kindness, a family unit all that crap. So like the silly young girl I was I went back. I went into the house and he said to me before you start unpacking I need to give you something. I was like oh ok and I followed him up stairs to the bedroom, where he with a straight face handed me a piece of paper. It was headed.

"Contract to move back in"

Dated the lot, he'd hand written me a contract to sign, of rules I had to agree to follow in order to be allowed to move back in. It even had signed and a little dotted line at the bottom for me to sign. He'd put some effort into it. They were as follows

1. The house has to be clean at all times

1. My dinner is ready when I get home everyday

1. No arguing (by that he meant no calling him out on shitty behaviour, so basically allowing him to treat me like shit)

1. I do not have to help with looking after the baby that is solely your job

1. I'm allowed to play my Xbox as much as I want

1. You are not allowed to spend any money out of the joint account (this was also my only bank account, where all my wages were paid into, he didn't want me to touch it)

And lastly this was the one that sent me over the edge

1. None of your friends or family are allowed in the house ever again

I read it looked at him handed it back and said do you really expect me to sign this? He said well you can't move back in if you don't and I said well I'm not moving back in then am I? 🤔 obviously do I look like a mug to you??

He genuinely thought I'd happily sign it. I took a picture of it for comedy value with my friends and left. Done and dusted

My covert narcissist MIL once was offended when she didn't hear me speaking and I asked her if she was wearing her hearing aid (she often removes them at night and can't hear a thing).

She then proceeded to not hear me every time I spoke to her.

We had a clear the air talk a few months back and she admitted she's been ignoring me purposely for a year as I offended her when I asked her about her hearing aid 🤦‍♀️

@BMrs sorry but that made me laugh!

My exh rings so many bells in these posts.

I find the ending funny (a year or so on). I had kicked him out and moved on. He kept trying to get back with me and a few times I did go back. I tried to extract myself so he dumped me by text.. then an hour later tried to get back with me again. I said I'm dumped, you don't want me, what are you doing, he said I don't want you, I want the lovely person you have inside you back 😂😂😂

@Chocolateeggz 😂

My MIL offered to watch my son while I went back to work two days and tried encouraging me to go full-time- I didn't.

When pregnant with my second, she announced in front of a larger (her) family gathering that women shouldn't work and stay home to look after their children. "I encourages all the young women I come across to stay home."

She went back to nursing 6 weeks after my DH was born!

Sounds just like my MIL @BMrs . She recently shared a meme on social media about supporting mothers who've just had babies rather than just wanting to visit the baby.

Couldn't believe the hypocrisy of it when I became invisible after I gave birth to her first grandchild and she fell out with me about the lack of visits!!

Please don't throw another woman under the bus to score points against your ex

You and the weird dh wanting to change his dw's tampons win the thread 😲

My MiL tried to organise a family weekend birthday treat for DH's 30th. Without me. We had been living together 6 years. He said 'Err, obviously no unless Bagels can come'. She sent a batshit email containing a list of about 30 variations of core family members (1. Me. 2. Me and you. 3. Me and you and your Dsis .... 30. Me and you and yours Dsis and the family cat and the parrot and all your school mates) that would apparently all be legitimate groupings for this get together. To demonstrate somehow that excluding me from his birthday party was perfectly acceptable.

We went NC quite soon after.

On a slightly series note - did any of you have to seek professional help to build yourself back up after the relationship broken down ?

I was subjected to lying, cheating and unreasonable behaviours towards me and my family from my ex. Of course-when he left it was my situation that he couldn't live with (young children) which left me questioning everything.

It was only later that I found out the real reason, that he'd found his new emotional "supply".

I'm still struggling after months, and torturing myself with social media 🤦‍♀️.

So - to help heal and to realise my self worth, did anyone use any online help groups or counselling??

In our case, DH has very expensive weekly therapy to deal with his childhood. It costs us £300 a month. More expensive is the trauma he carries every day, which affects his life in pretty much every way.

Therapy is helping him to recognise some of the trauma for what it is, and that is helping. It's a very long process. Years and years. I'm very angry at MiL for putting him through that, as it affects our whole family. He isn't repeating her abuse though, our children are happy and free from her.

Soon after I gave birth my dh called my dm to share the news. My adult brother lived with her. Within moments I got a text from him, “disappointed you haven’t called me and given me the news yourself, I’ve been up all night waiting to hear” then he didn’t speak to me.

I didn't tell my parents I was in labour with my 1st and 3rd babies. Unfortunately with my middle labour I needed my mum to have the first child so I could go into hospital.
My mum and dad aren't together.
My dad found out and text my brother complaining that he hadn't heard anything from me for ages and that I was selfish for not keeping him updated. I think he was jealous that dd1 was at my mums and not his! He wanted the information first before my mum. My brother went postal at him!

Another good one is the time my mum called me selfish because I wouldn't send Dh the two hour round trip to collect her so she could be there for my babies birth. Funnily enough I wanted him with me. And she can drive!

I used to manage one like this. He claimed he'd lost a body part and then reported me for not adequately supporting him through it. That wasn't the only clearly disprovable thing that he claimed and then just expected everyone to believe him because he said it so it must be true.

Also had to be an expert in everything. I didn't know that was a normal sign of narcissism so useful to know for the future!

So - to help heal and to realise my self worth, did anyone use any online help groups or counselling??

@whattodo87 Yes, The Freedom Programme (find an IRL group if you can as it's great to meet other women who've been through it.) www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

EMDR therapy is good for trauma, I had it for other things and it was amazing.

I had person centred therapy to just let off steam about my ex when I thought I should be less angry after we'd been split up a few months. But I don't know if it was worth the money as the anger would've faded eventually anyway.

@OldFan
I have a friend that say 'it's because I'm pretty' a lot if someone isn't nice to her, which is a bit narc-y and amusing. She also thinks people mistake her for a child/teenager, when they probably don't.

LOL.  You must have met my sister. Channeling  Shirley Temple.

" I had my daughter so very young, most people take us for sisters"
" Most people don't realise Bazooka and I are sisters. I'm the pretty one"

An ex friend who claimed that her drug dealing bf wouldn’t have to be a drug dealer “if it wasn’t for all the people who buy it from him”.

Most people don't realise Bazooka and I are sisters. I'm the pretty one

@2bazookas Ugh! How rude. Are you able to avoid her most of the time?

An ex friend who claimed that her drug dealing bf wouldn’t have to be a drug dealer “if it wasn’t for all the people who buy it from him”.

@BigMandsTattooPortfolio He's just doing it out of the goodness of his heart.

These are brilliant. My shitty narc brother told me over the phone that I have ruined all his friendships because I told our mutual friends he suffered from depression.
I said hello? They are not even my friends, never did and I’ve not lived in the country for 15 yrs, surely I can not still have influence over yr life buddy.

I just had a row with 'pretty' friend because other people pick up on this opinion she has about herself (even if she doesn't outright tell them- and going on how she talks to me she probably does have to mention it most times she talks to everyone) and she's been having a lot of interpersonal problems at work, probably partly because of it as some of it revolves around her appearance and how she relates to male customers etc.

I said 'did you realize you quite often go on about how pretty you are and it might rub people up the wrong way?'

She said 'I've never said that!' Oh dear, gaslighting now. Narc central.

Thank you for starting this thread OP, I love it. Here are my 5 cents (or more), but it is very hard to choose one or two. My ex pretended to be original and that he did not like to “copy” other people. He would always criticize our kids if they “copied” their friends and wore same shoes or clothes. He however, just like many mentioned on this thread, could not stand it if someone had something he did not. If he could not have it, he would just make fun of the people and claim he would not want it anyway. Few years ago, after I lost both my parents I decided to start donating blood. The first few times I did it I could tell that my ex was jealous of my “spotlight”. Literally each time I got home after donating, instead of praising me, he would mention how he used to donate when he was young, but I kind of ignored him. After third donation, I think, I received a key chain from them as a gift. I could feel this hit my ex hard. Few days later he came home late and told me he donated blood. Not only that, but he donated five more times, in quick succession and against the guidelines, just so that he could catch up with me.🤦🏻‍♀️

She also said 'who do you think you are?'😂😂😂

God, the energy that she must’ve put into that! How pathetic.

I think a lot of these narcissists are also bloody psychopaths! I keep catching up with this thread and reading with my mouth open, just bonkers.

Yes @Twawmyarse2 so much about them (my ex anyway) was so twisted that I often felt like I was loosing my mind, like I was going crazy. My ex used silent treatments to punish/train me. The longest we went was THREE months. By the end I was suffering from insomnia, would wake up in the middle of the night and could not sleep. One morning I woke up at three am and started crying. He woke up at that point and held me and this ended the silence, but like with some other incidents, this dented our relationship badly and permanently.

The very last time this happened it lasted two weeks. I would love to tell you the circumstances around it but they are two specific and would be totally reveling for me, so I cannot. Anyway, after two weeks he invited me to our bedroom to talk. We sat on our bed and he starts with:" You probably noticed that I was upset with you the last two weeks"... At this point I have already made my decision to leave him but did not tell him yet. I was seeing him so clearly for what he was, so instead of being anxious and scared his speech was making me want to laugh out loud. Suddenly he was so comical to me, the way he sat me down, like you sit down a child to give them a lesson...LOL

Yuck, he sounds awful - I bet his face was a picture when you told him you were leaving him 😂 I bet that felt cathartic!