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Original poster

Times you've just had to laugh at a narc

142 replies

LittlemissMama67 · 02/02/2023 11:09

We all know that narcissistic abuse is not funny and I don't want to make light of the abuse. And a lot of what they do is very very damaging. I'm permanently scarred from some of bullshit this man put me through but sometimes they're just pathetic, and it's ok to look back and laugh and say wow you're really just an insecure small dicked little man aren't you 😂👌🏻

This is a place to share funny shit your narcissistic partner/ ex partner/ parent/ friend/ acquaintance whoever has done and you've just had to laugh at how pathetic they are. I'll go first.

8 years ago I broke up with my sons dad, text book narc, abusive physically too. He was awful. A month after I left he roped me back in with promises of change, of love respect and kindness, a family unit all that crap. So like the silly young girl I was I went back. I went into the house and he said to me before you start unpacking I need to give you something. I was like oh ok and I followed him up stairs to the bedroom, where he with a straight face handed me a piece of paper. It was headed.

"Contract to move back in"

Dated the lot, he'd hand written me a contract to sign, of rules I had to agree to follow in order to be allowed to move back in. It even had signed and a little dotted line at the bottom for me to sign. He'd put some effort into it. They were as follows

  1. The house has to be clean at all times
  1. My dinner is ready when I get home everyday
  1. No arguing (by that he meant no calling him out on shitty behaviour, so basically allowing him to treat me like shit)
  1. I do not have to help with looking after the baby that is solely your job
  1. I'm allowed to play my Xbox as much as I want
  1. You are not allowed to spend any money out of the joint account (this was also my only bank account, where all my wages were paid into, he didn't want me to touch it)

And lastly this was the one that sent me over the edge

  1. None of your friends or family are allowed in the house ever again

I read it looked at him handed it back and said do you really expect me to sign this? He said well you can't move back in if you don't and I said well I'm not moving back in then am I? 🤔 obviously do I look like a mug to you??

He genuinely thought I'd happily sign it. I took a picture of it for comedy value with my friends and left. Done and dusted

OP posts:
Twawmyarse2 · 02/02/2023 20:31

LittlemissMama67 · 02/02/2023 11:09

We all know that narcissistic abuse is not funny and I don't want to make light of the abuse. And a lot of what they do is very very damaging. I'm permanently scarred from some of bullshit this man put me through but sometimes they're just pathetic, and it's ok to look back and laugh and say wow you're really just an insecure small dicked little man aren't you 😂👌🏻

This is a place to share funny shit your narcissistic partner/ ex partner/ parent/ friend/ acquaintance whoever has done and you've just had to laugh at how pathetic they are. I'll go first.

8 years ago I broke up with my sons dad, text book narc, abusive physically too. He was awful. A month after I left he roped me back in with promises of change, of love respect and kindness, a family unit all that crap. So like the silly young girl I was I went back. I went into the house and he said to me before you start unpacking I need to give you something. I was like oh ok and I followed him up stairs to the bedroom, where he with a straight face handed me a piece of paper. It was headed.

"Contract to move back in"

Dated the lot, he'd hand written me a contract to sign, of rules I had to agree to follow in order to be allowed to move back in. It even had signed and a little dotted line at the bottom for me to sign. He'd put some effort into it. They were as follows

  1. The house has to be clean at all times
  1. My dinner is ready when I get home everyday
  1. No arguing (by that he meant no calling him out on shitty behaviour, so basically allowing him to treat me like shit)
  1. I do not have to help with looking after the baby that is solely your job
  1. I'm allowed to play my Xbox as much as I want
  1. You are not allowed to spend any money out of the joint account (this was also my only bank account, where all my wages were paid into, he didn't want me to touch it)

And lastly this was the one that sent me over the edge

  1. None of your friends or family are allowed in the house ever again

I read it looked at him handed it back and said do you really expect me to sign this? He said well you can't move back in if you don't and I said well I'm not moving back in then am I? 🤔 obviously do I look like a mug to you??

He genuinely thought I'd happily sign it. I took a picture of it for comedy value with my friends and left. Done and dusted

FUCKING HELL! The cheeky twat?!!!

How did you not lamp him one? Good for you OP for telling him to stuff it up his arse!

Closetbeanmuncher · 02/02/2023 20:31

Police said ex was the joke of the station!

I bet….“Billybatshit again on line 1” 😂

Original poster
LittlemissMama67 · 02/02/2023 20:33

Closetbeanmuncher · 02/02/2023 20:28

There are too many things to write but this should give you the idea of the pettiness levels. Back in the day when we did our food shop he wanted me to separate any toiletries that were for me and pay for them separately to the joint shop, It wasn’t anything fancy think razors, shower gel and tampax etc.

Cockroach of a man.

One of my friends had a partner (now ex thankgod) and I was out with her one day and her normally lovely blonde hair she had roots down to her ears, I said to her oh babe you need to get a box dye, then come to mine and I'll dye it for you. She was hesitant and said I better ask him if it's okay. I was like 🤔 ok...

she called him, he said no. TWAT

I bought it for her and we did it anyway. Loser that he was.

OP posts:
Twawmyarse2 · 02/02/2023 20:34

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 02/02/2023 16:08

Not me but a close friend with a narc mother (whom I have helped out a few times thanks to her mother's behaviour over the years - since we were both teens) - friend's older sibling (also a narc and with whom she is LC) was coming to stay so my friend was told to move out into a hotel. The house has four bedrooms ie. more than enough rooms for them all. Reasoning was "but you will be listening to our conversations and ruining everything". More recently mother threw away expensive perfume (literally tipped it down the sink, as friend was going into the bathroom in the morning) and said to friend she just "felt like" doing it "to see your reaction" and would replace it later.

That sounds like something out of “whatever happened to Baby Jane”! Psycho!

God, these are all awful.

lookslikeabombhitit · 02/02/2023 20:48

My birth father turned up late and unwanted to my 21st birthday. Proceeded to tell all of my mother's and my BF family what an excellent father he was and how I worshipped him (I hate him and they all knew that). He then threw a massive mardy and shouted I was an "ungrateful bitch" when I gave a speech thanking everyone for coming and wishing that my deceased stepfather had been there as he was missed and had helped me throughout my life. His own dad chucked him out in front of everyone and it was GLORIOUS.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 02/02/2023 20:54

When I moved out he told dc's school I had died...
Had to get my solicitor to ring the school..
He spent 4 years trying to get MY dc. Claimed he was the better parent...

Plonkety · 02/02/2023 20:58

Ex Arsehole and I moved in together (massive mistake!) and while I was happily setting up home and putting photos in frames, he threw a massive wobbler and said I was a nasty selfish bitch because I'd put a pic of my DSIS in a bigger frame than the one of his DD... bearing in mind, the actual photo of my DSIS was a school photo and WAS bigger, while the one of his DD was a general photo and smaller.

In the 2 yrs we'd been together I'd never met his DD, he'd never bothered to have her and only dropped a bday and xmas gift to her once a year. The photo of her I'd framed was his one and only photo he had of her that he'd never bothered to frame himself. Me framing it was meant to be a nice surprise and a nudge for him to be more of a dad and maybe start seeing her regularly and invite her to our new place. But according to him the smaller frame meant I hated her and was making a metaphorical point of her meaning nothing to me.

Also, he threw a tantrum and had to storm off to get legless at the pub because I hung the washing out in the garden at the same time he was building a shed to house his quad bike. (The quad was being stored in his mates garage, but the mate wanted it gone now he'd movednin with me). But he screamed that was I putting him off, I was in the way, the clothes flapping about were too distracting and I was obviously trying to deliberately fuck it all up for him because I was jealous of him enjoying his quad bike and wanted it to get nicked.
He'd never ridden the quad bike in the entire time we'd been together, and the washing line was no where near where he was building the shed. The shed never got built. It spent weeks half done while his mate got pissed off the quad was still stuck in his garage. He told his mate it was my fault and that I wouldn't let him have the quad bike back.

Within 6 wks of moving in together I threw him out. These pathetic hilarious strops turned much more serious. Worst mistake of my life that man.

Original poster
LittlemissMama67 · 02/02/2023 21:04

My sisters ex did something similar he coerced her into getting a credit card in her name for him so he could get a motor bike under the pretence that he would pay it off monthly and she'd never have to worry about it. Obviously never paid it. Plummeted her credit score and when the credit card company called to find out why they weren't being paid he told them she'd died. She'd hadn't.

they were sympathetic but obviously wanted a copy of the death certificate so they could settle the account, which he obviously didn't have so he panicked and hung up. Then made her call them back and tell them she wasn't really dead. Could have gotten her done for credit card fraud the idiot

OP posts:
Original poster
LittlemissMama67 · 02/02/2023 21:09

Plonkety · 02/02/2023 20:58

Ex Arsehole and I moved in together (massive mistake!) and while I was happily setting up home and putting photos in frames, he threw a massive wobbler and said I was a nasty selfish bitch because I'd put a pic of my DSIS in a bigger frame than the one of his DD... bearing in mind, the actual photo of my DSIS was a school photo and WAS bigger, while the one of his DD was a general photo and smaller.

In the 2 yrs we'd been together I'd never met his DD, he'd never bothered to have her and only dropped a bday and xmas gift to her once a year. The photo of her I'd framed was his one and only photo he had of her that he'd never bothered to frame himself. Me framing it was meant to be a nice surprise and a nudge for him to be more of a dad and maybe start seeing her regularly and invite her to our new place. But according to him the smaller frame meant I hated her and was making a metaphorical point of her meaning nothing to me.

Also, he threw a tantrum and had to storm off to get legless at the pub because I hung the washing out in the garden at the same time he was building a shed to house his quad bike. (The quad was being stored in his mates garage, but the mate wanted it gone now he'd movednin with me). But he screamed that was I putting him off, I was in the way, the clothes flapping about were too distracting and I was obviously trying to deliberately fuck it all up for him because I was jealous of him enjoying his quad bike and wanted it to get nicked.
He'd never ridden the quad bike in the entire time we'd been together, and the washing line was no where near where he was building the shed. The shed never got built. It spent weeks half done while his mate got pissed off the quad was still stuck in his garage. He told his mate it was my fault and that I wouldn't let him have the quad bike back.

Within 6 wks of moving in together I threw him out. These pathetic hilarious strops turned much more serious. Worst mistake of my life that man.

Sounds like a barrel of laughs 😳 sorry what does DSIS mean? It's bugging me I can't figure it out 😂

OP posts:
LilLilLi · 02/02/2023 21:17

@LittlemissMama67 it means Dear Sister I think

Original poster
LittlemissMama67 · 02/02/2023 21:27

Thankyou!

OP posts:
Neveragain85 · 02/02/2023 21:33

My ex narc also used to copy things I bought. He bought the same car as me 6 months after I got mine, I bought a new laptop & hoover, a week later he did the same. My TV broke so I had to buy a new one, 2 weeks later I went round his & apparently his TV had also broke so he had bought a new TV. Very very strange behaviour

BraveGoldie · 02/02/2023 21:46

Ex Narc MIL, after hearing her son had cheated on me, and me saying I felt betrayed...

"No no Brave Goldie - he hasn't betrayed you- he has betrayed ME!!!!!!"

Spottycarousel · 02/02/2023 21:48

My ex dh used to get so upset when I didn't come during sex that he would lock himself in the bathroom afterwards and refuse to let me in or speak to me.

After a few episodes of that I just faked.

5thWisdom · 02/02/2023 22:23

The "stealing you" examples are what have compelled me to add to the thread.
I never actually realised this was part of this PD.

Narc #1 bought the same breed dog and named it the same name (think random obscure other language than English name) once I eventually left him for good with a dog I'd bought whilst we were together and named in my native language.

Narc #2 bought identical everything to kit out his flat that I'd bought at the house I had to rent after he threw me out and changed locks during lockdown. Down to the same kitchen bin. Yes I took him back, let him into my house, only for the craziness to continue for a few more months which is where he managed to copy everything I owned for his own place. I wasn't quite sure what to make of it. It doesn't matter. I just need to work out why I'm attracted to these weirdos.

I do appreciate the sentiment of the thread though. It's bonkers what we go through and if we don't laugh, we'll cry.

5thWisdom · 02/02/2023 22:27

The taking credit out in your name is a classic too. But that's rarely funny, that's financial abuse, a well worn classic and plain depressing that we find ourselves in that position.

BensonStabler · 02/02/2023 22:29

A couple of the more minor things with my Ex Narc that stand out are…

  1. I was 18-22 and had beautiful long waist length hair, and he used to suddenly snatch my scrunchie out if he seen me with it tied back and would scorn me because I knew fine well that he hated it because “you look like a boy” - I didn’t.

  2. We used to go to live music gigs of all sizes and when everyone was clapping and cheering I would sometimes whistle if I particularly enjoyed it. He would give me dirty looks, get angry and even abandoned me in town with no money to get home, no phone and no keys. wtaf?

these assholes are indeed - so truly pathetic
it’s madness

5thWisdom · 02/02/2023 22:31

What is funny is when we can see right through them, and call them out, and observe their tactics objectively. The guilt trips, the lies, their indignation- simply because you're very calmly pointing out they're inconsistent accounts, lies, bullshit etc.

That's pure eye rolling time.

5thWisdom · 02/02/2023 22:32

5thWisdom · 02/02/2023 22:31

What is funny is when we can see right through them, and call them out, and observe their tactics objectively. The guilt trips, the lies, their indignation- simply because you're very calmly pointing out they're inconsistent accounts, lies, bullshit etc.

That's pure eye rolling time.

their not they're

Thrapston · 02/02/2023 22:33

My alcoholic, drunk narcissistic mother lost her footing fell down the stairs and then screamed at my Dad aggressively while he was sitting in lounge minding his own business

Thrapston · 02/02/2023 22:34

Meant to add to below - screamed aggressively at my dad as if it was his fault !

5thWisdom · 02/02/2023 22:39

Spottycarousel · 02/02/2023 21:48

My ex dh used to get so upset when I didn't come during sex that he would lock himself in the bathroom afterwards and refuse to let me in or speak to me.

After a few episodes of that I just faked.

I had "none of my other partners have ever complained" once I spoke up about my own needs during sex. This was a man in his late 40s.

Struck me a little too much of "Women should be seen (and fucked) but not heard"!

OldFan · 02/02/2023 22:40

They really are hilarious as well as being awful.

I have a friend that say 'it's because I'm pretty' a lot if someone isn't nice to her, which is a bit narc-y and amusing. She also thinks people mistake her for a child/teenager, when they probably don't.

My narc ex 'F'WB got very blatantly obvious about the fact he was just trying to use me for sex towards the end, when we were supposed to be friends. People on here thought it must be a fake thread because I did laughing emojis, but it was so transparent it was amusing. Maybe you had to be there.

Another thing he would do is boast about how intelligent he was all the time, compared to me for instance. One time I actually pulled him up on this and he admitted it's his way of trying to feel better about having an impotent micropenis. Grin He's actually had to have therapy about the state his knob, poor thing.

Doyoumind · 02/02/2023 22:45

Loads with my ex but most are too outing to post under my regular username.

But the best is that I've had the last laugh as DC now old enough to see him for what he is (and laugh at him with me).

Thelnebriati · 03/02/2023 00:43

My narcissistic XH weirdly copies everything I do. He’s both narcissistic and weirdly obsessed with me.
I've got one of those. I treated myself to some new clothes and when I find something I like, I buy a few at a time. It was pretty specific - think purple and pink striped t-shirt and green jeans. Next time he turned up loitering near my house guess what he was wearing. I went straight out and bought some Dylon. Another time he bought a rare and expensive breed of dog that I'd mentioned a few times. I think I was supposed to be jealous, but how can you be jealous of someone that desperate?