What would you see as a fair solution to this?

[doggydance79]

I have 2 siblings who both live around 4 hours drive from the parental family home, whereas I live 10 minutes away, so I regularly see our elderly parents, and am there for any lifts to docs/shop/looking after the house while they're away, etc. I don't mind this, and offer whenever there is a need, but it is also somewhat expected.

Their house is a place where the other families stay free for long periods of time when they visit, which is MUCH cheaper than the reciprocal visits, where we would have to pay £££ to stay somewhere. Our parents are leaving the house to us equally, and their idea has always been that we could sell or rent. I am opposed to renting, as agencies are expensive for full maintenance, which noone wants to pay, and because the others expect that I would be somewhat hands on, which I don't have the time or mental capacity for atm. Other options considered were:

1. Sell the house and split the profits (okayish all round, but means there would not be a place to stay so prob no visits by siblings anymore)
2. I get another mortgage to pay off siblings and let my oldest child live there, sibling's families can visit when wanted and chip in for utilities. None of the other kids are old enough or want to live up here, so this seems like a good option. Neither sibling was interested in doing this themselves. House is not fancy and is old, so it's not like I'm trying to con them into selling me a good investment, it seems a good alternative and helps my daughter in these difficult times.

Sister recently has come into a lot of money. Enough so that the whole family is living off the investment of a lump sum, and her husband has made the choice not to work (although capable). Her opinion on the house has changed. As far as I am aware, she sees me as taking advantage, and doesn't see why I should buy out the house rather than her. (Her kids have shown no interest in moving this far away from their home.) Both the remaining options are not very useful - sell and split proceeds, rent out and split proceeds, but she doesn't want to pay the higher full agent maintenance, which leaves me to keep an eye on the place and sort out issues, which I think is unfair.

It seems a waste that the house would be sold/rented out when adult kids are having such difficulties getting an affordable home themselves nowadays. I don't get why she is so against my kid living there when hers don't want to. I also don't get why I should be giving up time and stress to help maintain the property. Renting out to my daughter through an agency in effect adds a lot to the rent, and seems petty.

Sorry this was so long! Any thoughts on it would be welcome.

If one or both parents need to go into a care home there won't be any house to be left to any of you.

Can't you sell the house and use your third of the proceeds to help your oldest child? That seems far more straightforward.

Hopefully not. They both want to stay in their home, and the plan is that I will be helping out in tandem with home care. Which everyone is happy with. There will not be an issue with that.

@NuffSaidSam a third of the proceeds will not go far- nowhere near enough to get another place in this area. It's a possibility that I could also remortgage to help out further (which would be the equivalent of the original mortgage idea, I guess) but this house has sentimental value, and a larger garden than properties today, so it is a massive shame to sell it only to get a poky place with a postage stamp sized garden elsewhere.

This. I think it’s your only option in this scenario. Worth making sure you’ll also have equal funds to help your other children too.

Sounds like the only workable option is to sell and split, I’m afraid.

@YaWeeFurryBastard my idea was that both kids could live there together as a houseshare. Otherwise that third of the sale will have to be halved further, so even less useful.

@Shamoo Possibly. It just seems petty that I would be being blocked from buying it, when I'm the only one who actually has a need for it. The others would still get the same money, so I don't see why it is a problem.

@doggydance79 sell it and split the money. Kids can stay at home until they can afford their own place.

Setting them up as a house share only works for so long what happens when one meets a partner and wants to move on? And the other can't afford it alone? They can't exactly rent out a room if random Aunts are expected to visit

youre too close to it.

if she doesn’t want to sell to you, she doesn’t have to.

sell it. Help your kids that way. She isn’t obligated to sell to you so your kids can live there.

It's a possibility that I could also remortgage to help out further (which would be the equivalent of the original mortgage idea, I guess)

This is what I was thinking. But somewhere new using the cash from the house sale as a deposit and get a mortgage for the rest (just like you would have done to buy out your siblings). Financially, you're in the same position. You might have a small garden but you'll have a lot less stress than trying to deal with sibling disagreement and their families descending on your house to stay etc. You (or more specifically your DC) can sit in your small garden, stress free!

I don't think that the distances, cost to visit or care arrangements for your parents are relevant. The house is simply an asset that is to be split 3 ways.

The rental option doesn't sound practical. For you to buy out your siblings at the market value is fair, if they agree. If 2 of you want to buy, then selling and splitting may be the only option.

If you were to receive a third of the value and add the mortgage that you planned to use you buy out your siblings, surely that would allow your daughter to purchase a house of her choosing at a similar value (minus selling/ buying costs). This might be a cleaner way to proceed, and your daughter would not have to cope with entitled family members turning up to stay.

It sounds as though there may be an emotional element to your thinking. Do you feel that you are owed a bigger share of the property? Are you reluctant to lose a family home?

We had a similar situation and we sold up and split the profits equally. Any other solution is unfair. It doesn’t matter who lives close by or what financial situation anyone is in, or who wants to live in it; the only solution that doesn’t cause ongoing resentment is a fair split.

Sorry to say this op but if I was your sibling I would be wondering why you are leading on this and not your parents, unless they are both mentally incapable in which case do you have power of attorney? Surely this is your parent’s decision alone?

@LovePoppy No, she doesn't have to sell to me (not that it's her house alone to sell) but I don't see what difference it makes to her. It would still be going for the same price, she'd still get her same share, so what's the problem.

@NuffSaidSam to be honest, if I end up buying a tiny house with a tiny garden when the original old decently sized one is available, just because she doesn't want me to have it, visiting with them will be the last thing on my mind.

Absolutely don't agree to be the person managing the rented property, there is the path to madness that way. You will have done more, way more than your fair share of offspringly duty by the time they go, it would be bonkers to keep that up after their deaths too.

Don't be so sure that you will be able to cope with your parents and keep them out of a home. Being a family carer is draining like nothing else, their care needs change, and even with adequate carer visits it's a job in itself too arrange and keep on top of all their life admin - trust me on this. You'll be running two seperate households on top of your job and family, and theirs will have ever increasing complex needs. Its exhausting, emotional, draining and can be unexpectedly harsh. There may also come a time when there isn't really any option and they just do physically or mentally need residential care.

I don't have the answer to your query about what to do with the house, I just thought somebody should try to prepare you for this.

This. You are being incredibly naive OP.

But it doesn't make sense.

If you're planning to buy your siblings out at market rate, why would a different house you buy (for equivalent money) be much smaller than this one?

If you can afford to buy this house off your siblings at market price, then you can afford to buy a similar house in the same area at market price. The only way this house would be "cheaper" is if you were paying siblings less than its market value, which I can understand would piss them off.

Your siblings physical distance from the parents house and personal financial situations are irrelevant.

Just sell it and split the profits, will be fairest and easiest.

I wouldn't want to be your DD living in a house where she was compelled to act as hostess to various relatives at their whim, either. But something new that is your own to do as you please.

You are massively jumping the gun. You have no idea what position you’ll all be in, where everyone will be living, or even who will still be alive by the time both your parents die.

It’s fine to think things through in your head and have a preferred plan but you should not be having regular discussions or arguments with your siblings about this, nor making any decisions at this stage.

Don’t assume you’ll be able to care for both of them at home. You don’t know what level of disability they’ll have, nor whether one or both of them will change their minds.

@FatsiaJaponica567 I'm not 'leading on it', I'm asking for opinions on the discussions so far. My parents are still in the house and are of sound mind. 🙄They originally had no issue with my buying out the other 2 at the (whatever it is deemed at the time) market price. Their decision is that it goes to us equally and we decide what to do with it after their deaths.

@GriddleScone no, I don't think I should have a bigger share. We have never thought like that. But neither do I think that I should have to give up my time (for free, effectively) to partially manage a rental property just because I live closer. It's fair if the full agent maintenance is paid for, but this is an expense that she does not want to consider.

There is some emotional attachment. I would like to have it available as a base for us all to get together after our parents death. This will not be possible if sold or rented. Prior to this big chunk of money making an appearance we all got on very well,and people were happy with the projected plans.

It seems a big waste to let this house go. It's old and needs some repairs (which would lower the value), but has a nice sized garden. Any other property in the area on a similar budget (and even higher) has a tiny useless garden, closely hemmed in by neighbours. Garden size is more important to us than having a more modern home (parents designed it this way), and they don't build houses with decent sized gardens in the area nowadays, so we would not be able to find an equivalent nearby.

I suspect your children would much rather have a nice new flat.

@afinishedkiss please don't assume what I know. My other sibling has been a carer, I also have other relations (not in the area) who are full time carers for family members right now. I have an accurate insight to the day to day realities, and when and where to get assistance.

@HeddaGarbled why would you think that? It was actually their idea first, based on the realities and difficulties of finding similar places locally.

hi all, this discussion keeps going round and round and there are some good reasons for that , but can I please once and for all clear up one idea people seem to have? Unless my daughter is living there I will not be managing the house as a rental. Full service with an agency is the only option. I know I’m closest and im more than happy to be doing the majority of the regular care and support for mum and dad given all of you are so far away (this part is to pile on the guilt op!!) but once they don’t live there I'm not interested in property maintenance if we go down the shared ownership or one of you buying us out path unless my child is living there. Please stop discussing this as an option, it won’t happen. Cheers all.

be clear! Crystal clear!

Your parents are still alive! This is so distasteful.
They may well need to sell it to pay for social care. Some conditions don’t lend themselves to a few visits from you eg dementia in which case their house should pay for the best residential care they can.

Pls at least wait until they are dead to start planning how to split their assets.