What would you see as a fair solution to this?

[doggydance79]

I have 2 siblings who both live around 4 hours drive from the parental family home, whereas I live 10 minutes away, so I regularly see our elderly parents, and am there for any lifts to docs/shop/looking after the house while they're away, etc. I don't mind this, and offer whenever there is a need, but it is also somewhat expected.

Their house is a place where the other families stay free for long periods of time when they visit, which is MUCH cheaper than the reciprocal visits, where we would have to pay £££ to stay somewhere. Our parents are leaving the house to us equally, and their idea has always been that we could sell or rent. I am opposed to renting, as agencies are expensive for full maintenance, which noone wants to pay, and because the others expect that I would be somewhat hands on, which I don't have the time or mental capacity for atm. Other options considered were:

1. Sell the house and split the profits (okayish all round, but means there would not be a place to stay so prob no visits by siblings anymore)
2. I get another mortgage to pay off siblings and let my oldest child live there, sibling's families can visit when wanted and chip in for utilities. None of the other kids are old enough or want to live up here, so this seems like a good option. Neither sibling was interested in doing this themselves. House is not fancy and is old, so it's not like I'm trying to con them into selling me a good investment, it seems a good alternative and helps my daughter in these difficult times.

Sister recently has come into a lot of money. Enough so that the whole family is living off the investment of a lump sum, and her husband has made the choice not to work (although capable). Her opinion on the house has changed. As far as I am aware, she sees me as taking advantage, and doesn't see why I should buy out the house rather than her. (Her kids have shown no interest in moving this far away from their home.) Both the remaining options are not very useful - sell and split proceeds, rent out and split proceeds, but she doesn't want to pay the higher full agent maintenance, which leaves me to keep an eye on the place and sort out issues, which I think is unfair.

It seems a waste that the house would be sold/rented out when adult kids are having such difficulties getting an affordable home themselves nowadays. I don't get why she is so against my kid living there when hers don't want to. I also don't get why I should be giving up time and stress to help maintain the property. Renting out to my daughter through an agency in effect adds a lot to the rent, and seems petty.

Sorry this was so long! Any thoughts on it would be welcome.

@Derbee yes, i would not be happy with that, because why would it be ok for her to buy the house when she had stopped me from buying it? One of our options was to co-own the house and rent our to split the proceeds. I really dont understand why some ppl dont think its ok for me to want to buy the house but its fine for her to?? I dont acknowledge that as being grabby btw. It seems that being in it for the money, and flashing your massive windfall around just to try and rake in more money is much more grabby, when someone already is in need of a house to live in.

God. Your updates make you sound selfish and grabby.

Of course it’s fine for her to buy it as an investment. You’re pissed off because it was an easy route for you, and now someone else wants the house too. You’re not entitled to it, and people are within their rights to change their minds.

Maybe your sister didn’t want another mortgage, so didn’t want to buy the house. Now she’s got the cash, wouldn’t need a mortgage
and so would like to buy it. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Except that it potentially scuppers your plans, which is why you can’t see any of it rationally.

Draw straws. Pick names out of a hat.
If you can’t agree, sell it and spilt the money.

@Derbee whatever. you sound like a wind up merchant. Yeah, absolutely nothing wrong with someone changing their mind. Ive been accused of acting suspiciously and intentionally trying to buy out siblings for lower than market value so I can rake in money, when nothing is actually going to happen for hopefully a very long time, and there is nothing anywhere to even suggest this. ?None of this was my plotting by myself, it was a full family discussion. If this is the case, why isnt it grabby for her to buy us out with her already substantial fortune, when she wasnt interested in the house before, and agreed it would be a good opportunity for dc to live there AS HER KIDS WERENT INTERESTED, and is depriving someone of a once in a lifetime opportunity to get well situated on the housing ladder?? If she justs wants an investment, one of our discussed options was to rent it together, as I keep saying. So its not grabby to want to buy everyone else out and have allthe rental yourself rather than co-own and share proceeds??? Whatever.

How old are your DP, OP?

My dad's well into his 90s, and still very much enjoying his larger than average garden...

Do your parents have any particular wishes? They may decree house to be sold and split to prevent you all falling out.

or they could amend will to allow you preference to buy out if you are able to allow your child to live locally and set up her future…. It may be that you could gently broach the subject with them but only if they are completely capable of making a decision of free will.

@Bosk late 70s. which is why all this accusation is getting ridiculous. I expect them to go on for some good amount of time yet (there are a few medical issues but nothing major). This started out as a request for ppls opinions, and now im the devil incarnate wishing my parents away before their time, and apparently plotting to fleece my siblings to boot!
Glad your dad enjoys his garden - that's my mums thing, but shés brought me and dc up to enjoy planting/eating from the garden too :)

@Pssspsss thats whats making me worked up about the way some ppl are going on this thread - as previously said, it was a family discussion initiated by them, to leave the house to us all, to do whatever we decide with it. We discussed (with them present) our options, and it was agreed that a good option would be for dc to live there (noone else wanted to) and the best thing in that case would be for me to buy out at market value. Not mates rates, market value. Obv if circumstances werent right at the time, we could rent and split proceeds, or sell and split proceeds. But eveyone was ok with dc wanting to live there.

I haven’t accused you of anything.

It’s complicated your plans now that your sister has shown interest in buying the house.

Everyone has an equal right to buy the others out of an inheritance property. That’s fact. It’s simple if ONE person wants to buy the house. It’s complicated if TWO people want to buy the house.

Nobody is more entitled than the other to buy the house, regardless of their financial position. That’s not how it works.

Whether you buy the house for your DD, or you
sell the house and share the money (to your sister or a stranger) your children benefit. You shouldn’t lose sight of the fact that having a massive lump sum or a mortgaged property is a benefit for your children either way.

@Pssspsss forgot to say, parents dont know about sisters change of heart, as far as i know. But as I've also said, her actual thoughts haven't been made clear. Its weird to discuss it behind parents backs, so it hasnt been. I'm going on little info and no explanation, and am now being made to feel like a shit because apparently its ok for her to solely buy out for investment, at the same time that it wasnt ok for me to buy out for dc.

If they are late-seventies, then none of you can predict what the future will bring, one might live to 100! My granny lived to 94, her sister over 100.

By then, this 'opportunity' for the one child to have a house might look far less tempting, they may have travelled the world, met someone from another country, want to live in Australia. One of your siblings may need the money from the house for an operation. Their children might want to live there after all.

There are so many unknowns in this situation, that it's futile to work it all out now. It seemed like a good plan to you to have this house for one of your children (what about the other ones?) but already things have happened that means another sibling has expressed an interest. Perhaps they also have an emotional attachment to the house and would potentially like to keep it as a future option to rent, give to children or to live in.

The irony of all this is you are fixed on the plan because it benefits your child and because you want a family base to visit each other, but if you keep going like this, then family relations will become so strained, there won't be any visiting!

I see why your sisters change of mind is upsetting, but I think the mistake was committing to a plan too early on when nothing is fixed and the options are not clear.

@Derbee selfish and grabby were your words, I believe. And what was your answer to
So its not grabby to want to buy everyone else out and have allthe rental yourself rather than co-own and share proceeds???

@doggydance79

aww this is awful really. Your parents set out their wishes and will hope you can all abide by it but your sisters pulling a bit of a fast one. I think the best thing to do is have another chat with your parents if you feel able. Just explain that sister has implied that she wants to buy the house (probably as a second home or investment) and just say if they have any strong wishes with regards what they want to do then they need to Amend the Will accordingly to prevent any bad feelings etc and to ensure their wishes are met xx

It’s selfish and grabby if you think it’s fine for you to buy the others out, but not fine for your sister to buy you guys out.

Its not grabby for any of you to want to buy the others out. It IS grabby for any of you to think you’re more entitled to the house than anyone else

@Highdaysandholidays1 I agree. However, if she also has an emotional attachment, why wasnt it expressed before? Its not that I had more money at the time and the same wasnt an option for her, she just wasnt interested. The only thing which has changed is that she now has a massive lump sum to play with. And as I am trying to get someone else to clarify, if its grabby to want to buy the house for dc (which was the same opportunity for us all, but noone else wanted, and was decided that in that case of dc living there a buy out was a better route), isnt it even more grabby to want to outbid everyone else, and soley own the house just for investment purposes, when one of the original options was to co-own and rent. Which was fine, but ppl were also fine with dc and buying out.

This is so utterly distasteful the three of you arguing over your inheritance like this whe your parents are still alive.

shame on you all.

@Derbee wow, you are really determined to make me the bad guy here. I have written nothing to indicate that I feel more entitled, as that is not what I feel. We have always had equal opportunities all though family life. EVERYONE agreed that it was ok to buy out for the purpose of dc living there. It would be easier that way is what the thinking was. No matter how you try are make it seem like something else, thats what it was. A home for a family member, and a place we could all easily get together. We had also decided that co-owning and renting out together as an investment was a fair option, depending on circumstances. None of us decided that one person buying out others and using as an investment property was a fair thing. That feels like taking advantage. Why would we when we could share?

yeah well obv my parents encourage us to be distasteful then, if you RTFT. Rack off.

and all the arguing has taken place solely on here, if you actually read. Mostly ppl projecting their own opinions while deciding I'm a money grabbing ass. which if you look at the facts of what has actually transpired IRL, isn't the case.

^^ This

Because you’re all currently demonstrating that you can’t share.

HTH

your parents started a discussion, it's probably a lovely fantasy for them to have a grandaughter carrying on the property and everyone carrying on meeting when they are gone. That doesn't mean it's a good idea, fixed or what will happen. The fact everyone said yes at that point has no bearing on the future 25 years at all, there are far too many variables to have agreed anything as your sister's change of mind has already illustrated.

I have written nothing to indicate that I feel more entitled, as that is not what I feel.

To be fair, at the very start of the OP, you felt the need to tell us who does most of the heavy lifting, which suggests you feel you deserve a reward for that.

I don't think anyone is saying the sister has more right than you to the house (assuming you would both pay the proper market price) I think posters are trying, but failing, to get you to understand that your sister has just as much as a right to want the house as you do and that there is nothing wrong with her changing her mind about wanting it now that her circumstances have changed. I don't see how you can justify being angry at her. Especially as you don't even know why she wants to buy it and what she would do with it, She hasn't done anything wrong.

I don't think there is anything wrong with either of you wanting the house but I do think you are being unfair to be angry at your sister.

I think suggestions by some posters to speak to your parents about it with a view to getting them to chose who gets first dibs on the house are really grabby and underhand and could potentially cause a massive family rift and also cause your parents a lot of angst.

Ok, ignoring the "you are grabby" and your parents might be spending the money on care anyway stuff, there are three of you set to inherit a house (less the contents) split 3 ways. If you sell to someone outside the family at market value, you each receive a third of the value (less expenses). If one of you buys the house at market value, the other two still get their third. The problem seems to be whether it is you or your sister buying the other two out, I'm assuming the other sibling doesn't care either way. If your sister buys it, she wants to rent it out, but she is too tight to pay full letting agent fees, expecting you to assist, and you don't want to. If you buy it, your daughter will live there, and your siblings and their families can stay there when visiting. I'd say you buying it trumps her. She can use her share to buy something else and rent that out, and you/your daughter will be saving them hotel expenses if and when they visit. Now all you've got to do is get the other two to agree to that.......good luck! And if you do, your sister may decide to never speak to you again. In my experience, people have fallen out over much less.

Wow. I am astonished and horrified in equal measure. Of course I have discussed my estate with my adult children in general terms. But if I had the slightest inkling that they were squabbling over how they were going to divvy up the spoils whilst I am still very much alive, I would be devastated and heartbroken.

And all your super defensive attacks on anyone who disagrees with your unbelievably mercenary opinions, only go to demonstrate the ugliness in your souls.

I only hope that you see what you are doing before your parents die and have a chance to be the daughter they deserve. If not, I hope your parents catch onto how their assets are being discussed and sell the wretched house to blow the lot on a World cruise or fast cars and parties.