What would you see as a fair solution to this?

[doggydance79]

I have 2 siblings who both live around 4 hours drive from the parental family home, whereas I live 10 minutes away, so I regularly see our elderly parents, and am there for any lifts to docs/shop/looking after the house while they're away, etc. I don't mind this, and offer whenever there is a need, but it is also somewhat expected.

Their house is a place where the other families stay free for long periods of time when they visit, which is MUCH cheaper than the reciprocal visits, where we would have to pay £££ to stay somewhere. Our parents are leaving the house to us equally, and their idea has always been that we could sell or rent. I am opposed to renting, as agencies are expensive for full maintenance, which noone wants to pay, and because the others expect that I would be somewhat hands on, which I don't have the time or mental capacity for atm. Other options considered were:

1. Sell the house and split the profits (okayish all round, but means there would not be a place to stay so prob no visits by siblings anymore)
2. I get another mortgage to pay off siblings and let my oldest child live there, sibling's families can visit when wanted and chip in for utilities. None of the other kids are old enough or want to live up here, so this seems like a good option. Neither sibling was interested in doing this themselves. House is not fancy and is old, so it's not like I'm trying to con them into selling me a good investment, it seems a good alternative and helps my daughter in these difficult times.

Sister recently has come into a lot of money. Enough so that the whole family is living off the investment of a lump sum, and her husband has made the choice not to work (although capable). Her opinion on the house has changed. As far as I am aware, she sees me as taking advantage, and doesn't see why I should buy out the house rather than her. (Her kids have shown no interest in moving this far away from their home.) Both the remaining options are not very useful - sell and split proceeds, rent out and split proceeds, but she doesn't want to pay the higher full agent maintenance, which leaves me to keep an eye on the place and sort out issues, which I think is unfair.

It seems a waste that the house would be sold/rented out when adult kids are having such difficulties getting an affordable home themselves nowadays. I don't get why she is so against my kid living there when hers don't want to. I also don't get why I should be giving up time and stress to help maintain the property. Renting out to my daughter through an agency in effect adds a lot to the rent, and seems petty.

Sorry this was so long! Any thoughts on it would be welcome.

I wish MN had a “like” button

@Pssspsss to be honest, I'd rather not upset them with further discussion if this is going to be a contentious issue. They want to leave it to us equally and as per the original discussion, expect us to come to a fair conclusion. Which we had. What a number of posters on here fail to acknowledge, is that we are not arguing about it. We are not talking about it, because beyond the comment that sis now thinks my buy out to be unfair, she has not explained why or anything else. All the arguing ot literally me defending myself against invented accusations from ppl on here, lol.

@HappenstanceMarmite yeah yeah. Missed the bit about the arguments not actually happening between us siblings, did you? Also, I'd like to know how it's mercenary to want to act on a mutually agreed conclusion which benefits everyone. I've never said it's not my sisters right to change her mind. But as one of the original options was to co-own and rent out, isn't it mercenary to now decide you want to buy the others out to use as an investment property solely for yourself instead? It was never an idea that one of us would do that.

@GoodChat at the start, I included the information about living closer because it was a significant factor in the decisions made ie too far to be useful for the other siblings kids to want to move to (they did not want to), and far enough away to need a full maintenance agent if I wasn't going to take it on as an (unpaid) rental manager . I never used the term heavy lifting, or any other terms which implied I see regular contact and helping out to be a burden. I don't. It's just something you do if you are part of a loving family. I know my sibs would do the same if they lived closer. It's very disappointing that you and others seem to twist things to fit your own narrative that I must be a money grabbing bitch. Despite me explaining the same things over and over. The only thing I am mildly put out at my sister at is that she now appears to think a previously fine arrangement is unfair, without saying why. If it was fair before, why isn't if fair now? And I have acknowledged that ppl can change their minds, and everyone has a right to buy it. But if it is to be used as an investment property, it should be used for the ongoing benefit of us all, not just 1. We had previously agreed that. I would not ask my parents to have to choose that, because it would put a lot of unhappy pressure on them.

@F4chrissakes thanks for giving an accurate summary of the situation, unlike many here. And I say that regarding the bit before you made the trumping comment, lol. To be honest, if the opinions coming out of this thread are a representation of what sis is likely to be thinking now, I'd rather sell up and have done, regardless of whether we then only get to see them a couple of times a year .Of course, I don't actually know what she thinks, as she won't say and I'm not going to press for an answer.

Your Honour, I rest my case 🙄

Just ask your parents to decide which sibling gets first refusal on buying the others out at market or reduced rate and have them update their will.

@HappenstanceMarmite where is this squabbling we are supposed to be engaged in? And yep, when I'm being accused of things which are untrue and there is no evidence for, I get pissed off. If this means I'm an ugly soul, so is the majority of the world's population. It's weird that you come onto the thread and instead of contemplating the actual facts and q posted, decide to comment on something you have assumed, which is contradictory to the information given. Why make up shit? Does it make you feel better to judge other people?

@LadyLapsang we could do, but as they have been very careful to treat us all equally all our lives, and were satisfied when we came up with the original options which at the time everyone thought fair, I think that would put unfair stress and pressure on them. How would you choose between 3 kids? There's no reason why one would 'deserve' it more than the others. The only difference I can see between me or sis buying it out is that if I bought it, it would benefit dc but also all of our families. If sis bought it as an investment it would benefit her family only. Whereas one of our original options was to keep it as an investment and benefit from it together. Having shared everything (in the family, as siblings) as far as possible so far, it's difficult to see why one person having it as an investment is 'fairer' than all of us having it as an investment, if it is chosen to be kept as an investment.

I know someone is prob going to accuse me of wanting to buy it as an investment for my own family, and I explained all of that previously, and that when the option was discussed, everyone thought that buying out for dc to rent (eventually buy?) was easier than us still coowning and splitting the rent, due to various reasons. Dc (at the age likely at the time) would be unlikely to be able to afford whole house rental prices alone, so by being bought out, the others would get market value and not be liable for 1/3 of maintenance etc. If sis bought as an investment, we wouldnt also be able to use it to get togetjer in holidays/birthdays etc. At no point did I force my ideas, coerce or persuade, etc. If sis isn't happy with that now, fine. We'll just have to sell and split. No more free stays for sis/brother at get togethers up this way!

*none of the other kids are old enough to be interested or would like to move into the area.

@ShockedAndAwake yes, I guess I am a bit annoyed, as things felt sorted before.*

But surely you understand that by the time your parents die, these kids will have become older and the others might have changed their minds? I don't understand how you expected that you could "bagsy" the house now for yourself on the basis of one conversation and that this constituted some sort of promise that could never be changed?

I think you have to accept that you don't have any more right to the house than your siblings and you were way too far ahead and unreasonable in considering this "sorted", a done deal.

The comment about assisted suicide is rather chilling.

@doggydance79 Bear in mind things can change - sadly one of your siblings could die before your parents or families can have changes of fortune e.g. divorce. I still think it is best for your parents to decide after taking peoples views into account; ultimately it is their estate.

Fucking hell your parents are alive and you're already bickering over who gets what. 😳

Awful isn’t it?