What would you see as a fair solution to this?

[doggydance79]

I have 2 siblings who both live around 4 hours drive from the parental family home, whereas I live 10 minutes away, so I regularly see our elderly parents, and am there for any lifts to docs/shop/looking after the house while they're away, etc. I don't mind this, and offer whenever there is a need, but it is also somewhat expected.

Their house is a place where the other families stay free for long periods of time when they visit, which is MUCH cheaper than the reciprocal visits, where we would have to pay £££ to stay somewhere. Our parents are leaving the house to us equally, and their idea has always been that we could sell or rent. I am opposed to renting, as agencies are expensive for full maintenance, which noone wants to pay, and because the others expect that I would be somewhat hands on, which I don't have the time or mental capacity for atm. Other options considered were:

1. Sell the house and split the profits (okayish all round, but means there would not be a place to stay so prob no visits by siblings anymore)
2. I get another mortgage to pay off siblings and let my oldest child live there, sibling's families can visit when wanted and chip in for utilities. None of the other kids are old enough or want to live up here, so this seems like a good option. Neither sibling was interested in doing this themselves. House is not fancy and is old, so it's not like I'm trying to con them into selling me a good investment, it seems a good alternative and helps my daughter in these difficult times.

Sister recently has come into a lot of money. Enough so that the whole family is living off the investment of a lump sum, and her husband has made the choice not to work (although capable). Her opinion on the house has changed. As far as I am aware, she sees me as taking advantage, and doesn't see why I should buy out the house rather than her. (Her kids have shown no interest in moving this far away from their home.) Both the remaining options are not very useful - sell and split proceeds, rent out and split proceeds, but she doesn't want to pay the higher full agent maintenance, which leaves me to keep an eye on the place and sort out issues, which I think is unfair.

It seems a waste that the house would be sold/rented out when adult kids are having such difficulties getting an affordable home themselves nowadays. I don't get why she is so against my kid living there when hers don't want to. I also don't get why I should be giving up time and stress to help maintain the property. Renting out to my daughter through an agency in effect adds a lot to the rent, and seems petty.

Sorry this was so long! Any thoughts on it would be welcome.

What about owning the house between yourself and siblings, doing short term Airbnb room lets so that you can all keep the house, utilise it when you want and cover running costs. Your DD could have a room and act as cleaner, bed changer, bill payer, do basic maintenance in return for a free room.

Im a bit confused. - are you saying your sister would also like to own the house outright? And since coming in to some money has proposed buying you out instead of vice versa?

I think you're spending too much time agonising over a decision, and potentially falling out with your sister, all while your parents are still living in the house.
One might go into care.
The other might live happily for another 20 years ( depending on how old they are) and stay in the house with assistance.
You sound very attached to the house and want it as a family base in the future.
In that case you will have to buy your siblings out when the time comes.
Why can you then sell your own home and move in yourself?

I agree with PPs that the whole discussion is really premature and you have unnecessarily opened a can of worms that will only breed resentment and anger whilst your parents are still alive. Such a shame!

If I was your sister I would be very suspicious of your motives and your insistence on buying the house. If you are right that the house is unique in the local area because of plot size etc then it will almost certainly have a higher value than you seem to think. Believe it or not, it won't be just you that values garden size and if it's such a rare commodity then it will command a premium. I actually think you know this and you see this as a rare opportunity for you and your kids to obtain a house you otherwise wouldn't be able to afford.

The fairest thing to do is sell the house and split the proceeds three ways. You won't have any obligation to accommodate your family when they visit and they won't be resentful that you got your hands on the family house against their wishes.

You seem annoyed at your sister for changing her mind but her circumstances have drastically changed so it's hardly surprising she has changed her mind.
Has she actually said what she would do with the house is she owned it? Maybe she thinks it's more likely to be available for the family as a whole than if your kids lived there. Also has she actually said that she would want you to look after it or are you just assuming that is what she is thinking?

It still makes no sense to me that you can afford to buy this house at market value but no other house.

Given you will potentially all inherit 1/3 of a great house, why wouldn't anyone then have the money for the odd AirBnB or hotel every now and then?

Quite honestly I don't think you'd be doing your children any favours by letting them live in that place. You're right that it's difficult for young adults to get onto the property ladder but if you inherit 1/3 of a house, why can't you give them some of that money for a deposit and then they can buy something that they can afford to keep up?

Of course your children are all for it! They see a lovely house and a great garden at a lower than market rent!

Sharing a rental property with two others who don't live nearby, including one that is stroppy, is a recipe for disaster. You need to make a clean cut and sell the house. If one of you wants to buy it, then it has to be at market value. If two of you separately want to buy it, then whoever is prepared to pay the most should get it. There's no other way.

Exactly this!
It could (hopefully) be very far in the future when your Dd has a property. All of yours and your siblings circumstances could be completely different by then.

Also, if you're going to pay full market value to buy your siblings out. Why can't you afford to buy a similar property at MV. Are you saying there are no houses the same size as your parents in this area for the same price? If so the MV may be higher than you think

She is maybe wanting it as an investment? That’s all I can think of?

@Slobbet no offence, but that sounds horrible :) I know dc would not want anything to do with a bunch of strangers in the place. It would be a bit weird having to share communal space and a kitchen, and I'd also be wary for her safety under those circumstances.

@dammit88 I'm not sure, as that hasn't been said outright. Maybe that's the intention, but we haven't had a proper convo on it. Despite what some people think we don't sit round rubbing our hands in glee while plotting how to spend every penny of inheritance while our parents are still alive. All I'm going on is a brief comment that (paraphrasing) it's probably not the fairest option if I buy the others out and own the home. I don't know why this opinion has changed, maybe it is because of the money. If I were to look to buy the house I'd have to get a mortgage. She prob wouldn't, after coming into a lot of money. Maybe that's why she was happy before, as she didn't want a mortgage and could now afford it outright. I don't know, that's all supposition based on timing a a few comments other people have made. As to why it was originally an idea that I buy it rather than anyone else, was because my dc had already expressed an interest in living there (remembering that my parents brought up the inheritance of the house when we were all there) and none of the other kids are old enough to be interested or would like to move into the area.

@ShockedAndAwake yes, I guess I am a bit annoyed, as things felt sorted before. I have no idea what she would think about doing eith the house. Her kids don't want to live up here, and keeping the house empty just so it was available for family visits every so often would be dumb, especially as there would need to be someone to keep an eye on it and mow the lawn etc. Seeing as previous discussions were that a full maintenance by an agent would be unnecessarily expensive, I doubt she'd want to pay that herself. If it was rented out inbetween, there would still need to be someone to sort that out, and I'm not sure that's very practical from over 4hrs away. No, she hasn't asked me to do that, because she hasn't said directly that she'd buy the house. I have explained the house thing already. Houses at the same price have smaller gardens due to my parents having the house built themselves.

@Bumpitybumper I'm actually getting a bit cross at the ppl here who think I've opened a can of worms. Discussions were a whole family thing, decisions were agreed on, everyone was happy. Then my sister changed her independence, without actually seemingly having any good reason or explanation, and I'm the one who has opened the can of worms?? How is that? I'm not trying to pull a fast one on anyone, I was trying to do a good thing all round with this option, I have explained my reasons numerous times, and everyone was originally happy with that idea. So now I have suspicious motives? Really? How the fuck would I be cheating the others out of money when we would be going on a value agreed by however many estate agents it took to come to a mutually agreed price? If it had a higher value than I think, then that's what I would be paying, ffs. I don't have a shonky real estate agent friend to wheel out so that i can fleece the rest of the family. Some of you have really shitty opinions.

This is one of the creepiest threads I've ever read.

I'm sorry but you can't say that with any kind of confidence. Have you seen people with severe dementia? I have and it's almost impossible to deal with in the home with care given by family. Not to the end anyway.

My dad had a stroke in December 2021 and never went home again. The hospital and SS wouldn't allow him to be discharged to his home. My mum, who had dementia ended up in the same care home and died a month later in Spring 2022. A few years ago none of that was foreseeable.

This is such a strange post.

The only conversations that I have had with my DM and DF about their finances are;

• Spend as much as you can on experiences/what you want.

• Make sure the will is covered so my DB and I know your exact wishes.

• The location of their 'assets file'.

Never have I ever discussed this with my DB because I don't need to and he would be mortified.

I hope I never hear my DC having these conversations about me in my lifetime.

Let your sister buy the house from you.

They're less likely to visit you once your parents have gone anyway and it sounds pretty shit to let your daughter live there but then tell her she must allow family to stay with her whenever they like.

As a person with more than one sibling, it is exactly for this reason I have asked my parents to lay out in their Wills that all assets are to be sold on the open market, and the money divided equally between us.

I am not looking forward to my brother wanting to keep it and rent it out and split the rent, and my sister wanting to buy it at a reduced rate for her son.

Just no. We would fall out irreparably and that would not be what my parents want, so they have agreed to Will the proceeds to us all equally, NOT the house.

@ICanHideButICantRun tbh, because I wasn't thinking of the inheritance money being available to spend on stuff like that, id like to use it to help the dc, so we at least would be on our current budget. Obv this might be different for the others. I don't know.

If one of you wants to buy it, then it has to be at market value. - this was the original plan

If two of you separately want to buy it, then whoever is prepared to pay the most should get it. - well that won't be me, given that I don't have the same amount of money available. There no reason why she would want it other than to rent it out, as far as I can see, in which case we'd be better to all rent it out for continued income, rather than sell it. But as was mentioned at the start no one wants to pay for full agent maintenance, and I'm not doing it for free, so I don't get how that would work. Maybe with this extra money the full maintenance is no longer an issue, I don't know. That's all a guess. To me there's a difference between one of us buying it to help kids out on the housing ladder, and a different one of us buying it to be the sole owner of it as a rental investment. Because if it going to be an investment rental it would be fairer if we all owned and benefited from it. Her children had the same opportunity to express an interest, but were not interested at all.

@Doidontimmm yes Maybe. So you think she wants to make sure she gets it as an investment rather than me?

I don't know how this works, no one in my family has ever had anything significant to leave anyone, but what happens if it's put on the market and you make an offer? I'm just thinking if you are the "winning bid" so to speak would they actually refuse to sell to you?

I wouldn't agree to be looking after it if it is rented or at least I'd be charging your siblings for your time.

It’s not a right here or right now problem. It might be a problem that never happens. Working up resentment about what your sister may or may not want is pointless and detrimental to your family relationships.

But if you want a rationale . Your sister is being awkward because she wanted to rent the place out. In her mind it protects the capital and brings in an income. She isn’t thinking about the headaches that come with being a landlord.

She presumably now wants to but it and rent it out as investment.

Both of you are attached to the home and won’t let go. Even though the options you have rely on others living there.

Let your daughter pick her own home. She might secretly want a small garden.

@ancientgran I really don't know. Something to find out at the time if it comes to that I guess.

@LemonTT obv if things change in the intervening years this won't be an issue, but as I said, it was dc who said she'd like to live here so I'm not forcing her into something she wouldn't want. I think the only resentment I feel is that I don't have an explanation as to why her opinions changed. And if she does want to buy it, why is that ok if it wasn't ok for me to buy it? No point getting into it with her now, but I would have liked to know (not that I'm likely to find out).

If your sister did want to buy it and use it as a holiday home then you just have to say you don't want to be involved in helping her run it. It's very normal for people to have holiday homes that are a long way away from where they live. You are getting cross about something that you haven't even been asked to do and something which you can simply decline to do. It would only be a problem if you made it your problem.

I know you've explained why you think the house is worth the same as all the other houses in the area even though it has a much bigger plot. However your explanation just doesn't make sense.

If it's got a bigger plot then it's going to be more desirable to other people too and some people will be prepared to pay a premium for it.

Will you still be eligible for a mortgage in 10/15/20 years time? Particularly after paying for uni for two kids?

Do you believe your child/ren will be up for maintaining a large plot? If not can you afford the gardening fees on top of a substantial mortgage?

Is the plot large enough to sell off part of it to a developer?

If I were your sister, I'd be suspicious of your motives and your insistence on making a deal to buy her and your brother out for a child/children who may well be on other continents by whenever the time comes.

Ghoulish or greedy or both is how I'm interpreting your views on this.

I think the only resentment I feel is that I don't have an explanation as to why her opinions changed

It like you are deliberately trying not to understand. You said yourself that she has recently come into a lot of money so it's simple to understand why she is now wondering if she might want to buy the house at some point. She wasn't considering it before because it wouldn't have been a possibility.

Your resentment feels misplaced and unjust

It’s fine for her to change her mind.

@doggydance79 how would you feel if your sister said she wanted to buy you out of the house at market value. Would you think that was fair, or would you feel resentful that she was now keeping the house for rental?

Because if you’d feel funny about that, you need to address your attitude, and acknowledge that
you might be being a bit grabby.

Your sister has EVERY much as right to want to buy the house as any of you. Wanting to help your daughter onto the property ladder is no more deserving than your sister wanting to buy a house to rent out, and have the capital appreciation eventually help HER children onto the property ladder when they inherit etc.

@ShockedAndAwake so its ok for her to buy it as an investment property, but its not ok for me to buy it to set up dc with a place to live (when that was agreed to be fine and fair by all initially)?
The house - I didn't say the PLOT was bigger, I said the garden size was prioritised over the house size. So if there were houses of the same size plot, theirs would have a bigger garden/smaller house footprint in comparison to the neighbours, for example.

@Trez1510 its a bit redundant asking me all those questions, when practically everyone on here is saying theres no point in making decisions so far ahead, things can and will change, etc, and I agreed. When we had the original conversations, we made decisions based on what we thought would be relevant. Obviously if things are very different, the ideas would change to fit. Youre trying to get me to predict what is absolutely true at some undetermined point in the future, which is redundant. Kids might not want to go to uni. They may fund it themselves through a loan, the plot isnt large (I explained house vs garden size, its not a massive plot), definitely not large enough to subdivide, although I guess some ppl sell to developers who knock down and rebuild more modern houses, but I dont see the relevance in this. FFS - why am I suspicious for wanting to buy the house for dc when NONE OF THE OTHERS WERE INTERESTED IN DOING THAT. Ghoulish or greedy? Like no-one ever discusses leaving their inheritance to their kids before they die. And no-one ever says "yeah, a good idea would be to sell it/rent it/buy it". So every person who has ever discussed an inheritance WITH THEIR PARENTS who initiated the conversation is ghoulish and greedy? Whatever. You may recall I stright up asked what people thought was fair at the start. People at the start gave decent answers and I considered and agreed with some. Ppl like you are leading the narrative further and further off tangent, with more and more random scenarios.

@ShockedAndAwake yeah, thought you might say that. She would have had exactly the same opportunity to get a mortgage to buy the house originally. In fact, she would have already been in a better position as she had a good pot of savings from her previous home after moving, and a considerably smaller mortage on the existing home than we do. AND SHE DIDNT WANT IT. I said I didnt have an explanation, because SHE DIDNT EXPLAIN. Not that I couldnt imagine an explanation (because someone also mentioned this earlier and I agreed if was a possibility. So now shes rich she wants to start building an investment portfolio, by buying out us poorer siblings? Nice. I don't want to think it's that, because it seems rather mercenary. And I know your next comment will be along the lines of it being mercenary for me to want to buy the house for my dc. But I'll just remind you NOONE ELSE WANTED IT. If she'd said I think it's a BETTER IDEA to rent it out and share the proceeds, that's fine. But that's not what it was. Just to in effect say I don't want you to buy it is a bit unsatisfactory by itself.