What would you see as a fair solution to this?

[doggydance79]

I have 2 siblings who both live around 4 hours drive from the parental family home, whereas I live 10 minutes away, so I regularly see our elderly parents, and am there for any lifts to docs/shop/looking after the house while they're away, etc. I don't mind this, and offer whenever there is a need, but it is also somewhat expected.

Their house is a place where the other families stay free for long periods of time when they visit, which is MUCH cheaper than the reciprocal visits, where we would have to pay £££ to stay somewhere. Our parents are leaving the house to us equally, and their idea has always been that we could sell or rent. I am opposed to renting, as agencies are expensive for full maintenance, which noone wants to pay, and because the others expect that I would be somewhat hands on, which I don't have the time or mental capacity for atm. Other options considered were:

1. Sell the house and split the profits (okayish all round, but means there would not be a place to stay so prob no visits by siblings anymore)
2. I get another mortgage to pay off siblings and let my oldest child live there, sibling's families can visit when wanted and chip in for utilities. None of the other kids are old enough or want to live up here, so this seems like a good option. Neither sibling was interested in doing this themselves. House is not fancy and is old, so it's not like I'm trying to con them into selling me a good investment, it seems a good alternative and helps my daughter in these difficult times.

Sister recently has come into a lot of money. Enough so that the whole family is living off the investment of a lump sum, and her husband has made the choice not to work (although capable). Her opinion on the house has changed. As far as I am aware, she sees me as taking advantage, and doesn't see why I should buy out the house rather than her. (Her kids have shown no interest in moving this far away from their home.) Both the remaining options are not very useful - sell and split proceeds, rent out and split proceeds, but she doesn't want to pay the higher full agent maintenance, which leaves me to keep an eye on the place and sort out issues, which I think is unfair.

It seems a waste that the house would be sold/rented out when adult kids are having such difficulties getting an affordable home themselves nowadays. I don't get why she is so against my kid living there when hers don't want to. I also don't get why I should be giving up time and stress to help maintain the property. Renting out to my daughter through an agency in effect adds a lot to the rent, and seems petty.

Sorry this was so long! Any thoughts on it would be welcome.

And name change fail OP?

I think you should stop discussing it until it’s actually yours to discuss , it’s all well and good saying your parents want to stay at home it may be a totally different story if they both need 24 hour care .

I thought that, but no....read that post again!

Your siblings clearly don't think you will buy it at market value.

I think the best option is to sell it. If it's got a bigger garden than other houses in the area then it will sell at a premium surely.

@Bankofrave you may think so, but this was a discussion initially brought up by them! We do talk about this kind of thing as a family, and it was initially all decided. (That we would all be happy with selling/renting/or me buying them out, depending on factors at the time.) Maybe you don't have these conversations as a family, I don't know.

I do however, agree with @HeddaGarbled that these discussions are premature. As I said, my sister has appeared to change her mind now, sparking the new conversation. It's only distasteful if the people involved find it to be, and my parents were the ones who started the conversation. Obv the new discussion has not been going on in front of them, as far as they know we are all still in agreement. I don't think I'm going to find any answers, but I would like to know why the decision was fine before and now isn't.

@deeperthanallroses haha. I thought I was. Maybe I wasn't.

Maybe wait until there is actual inheritance then decide what to do! You’ve no idea what situation you will all be when the time comes, or what the children will be doing at that stage, or what the inheritance tax rules will be at that point - so anything you decide now is entirely hypothetical and subject to change

@FatsiaJaponica567 I'm not 'leading on it', I'm asking for opinions on the discussions so far. My parents are still in the house and are of sound mind. 🙄They originally had no issue with my buying out the other 2 at the (whatever it is deemed at the time) market price. Their decision is that it goes to us equally and we decide what to do with it after their deaths.

Well if your parents are of sound mind then I don’t think this is any of your business how they choose to deal with their assets after their death and if they want to split it equally, you should be following their wishes. Agree with pp that it is incredibly distasteful to be discussing this with your parents or siblings now.

Just read your update op about how your parents initiated this discussion despite it being their decision to split equally. OK, if you say so!

If you’re genuinely planning on buying at market value, and getting a mortgage for 2/3 of the property price, then it doesn’t make sense that you won’t be able to afford a similar house.

@FatsiaJaponica567 If you don't believe me, that's your issue. They were the ones who raised it. I and my siblings have not been sitting round planning what to do with their stuff once they die. They literally told us what their plans for their assets were and we had a discussion together at the time. I hardly think we are the only family to do this. They have also told me that my sister wants a specific piece of furniture. Im sure many parents have these conversations, as they get older. The only thing that hasnt been mentioned in discussion with them (as far as I am aware) is that the course of action we were all planning on (and they thought was a decent plan) is now up in the air.

@Floomobal I have explained this above. The house/garden was built by parents, more modern houses are not built with the same sized garden, it seems most people prioritise house size. Modern houses in this area are built very close together, on smaller land sizes, with smaller gardens, and are an equivalent price or more. Due to the inflated house and construction prices over the years, maybe. I don't know. But I have looked, as we were looking at houses before covid.

Your parents are still alive!

@ShockedAndAwake maybe that is what they're thinking, but it certainly wasn't something I was considering. Seems that that may be the way it goes in the end. Although it's def going to be the end of many family get togethers, which will be sad. I also find it quite sad that even though noone else wants to buy the house, they are opposed to me buying it. I don't understand that bit, unless as you say, they think I'm trying to pull a fast one. Ah well.

An alternative proposal could be that your DD lives there and pays a fair rent to her aunts/uncles. Then buys them out in time herself.

@NoSquirrels that's an option I hadn't really thought about. I'm not sure about the buying out bit herself though. People have massive problems affording their own place, most are stuck in rentals because they can't get the massive deposit together. I imagine it would get a bit messy if/when something happened to one of us siblings. If they have an issue with me potentially buying them out, I imagine they'd also have an issue with her buying them out.

But it can't be the only house of its era and size in the area? You can just look for another older property in the area with a bigger garden, when the time comes.

In any case, How old are your parents? You say they are healthy so this situation may be 10 or 20 years in the future. A lot may have changed by then, particularly the various growing children's ideas about where they want to live and with whom.

I think it's a bit silly to get into arguments about it now as when the time comes your kids might be working in another part of the country, travelling or living abroad, and health or personal circumstances in your own generation may have led to changes in their ideas as well.

In addition, house prices may crash and the affordability of property might be completely different! The picture could be entirely different even 5 years from now. It's senseless falling out about this just now.

It makes sense to sell it and split the money; much cleaner and easier but they’re not dead yet- who knows what your circumstances will be then so no point in arguing about it now

First off how old are they - this could be awhile away and there is no guarantee they won’t have to sell. Staying in a large house with carers is not always workable both of my grandmothers sold in the Ed too big and too lonely

When the time comes, the simplest option is to sell it.
Premier Inns and Airbnbs exist when people want to visit.
It's just a house at the end of the day, seems odd to come up with all these contrived scenarios to keep it.

I think the only two options are you buy your sister out or you sell it and split the proceeds. If DS doesn’t want to keep it on then really they are the only options.

Your children could move away by then (uni/jobs etc) and not want to live in the house at that point anyway.

It is a little early to think about. I tried caring for my mum at home with dementia. Eventually she needed 24 hour care and assistance with every element of her life. I wasn’t physically strong enough to lift her, bathe her etc and I couldn’t keep her safe 24 hours a day (as obviously needed to work, sleep, deal with my own family). It really wasn’t as simple as just caring for her at home. I really hope this doesn’t happen but it is always a possibility.

Definitely agree that renting should not be an option unless totally run by an agency as otherwise it’s not fair on you.
Some other things that struck me were…. (You might have already thought through them all.)

You mentioned that “There is some emotional attachment. I would like to have it available as a base for us all to get together after our parents death.”
When your parents both eventually die, time will have moved on - situations and relationships change. Realistically how often would the house actually be used as a base for everyone to get together? Would everyone actually want to do this or would it hold too many memories.
If your DC is living there, what happens to them when there are family get togethers. Do they have to vacate the property for your siblings for the get together.

If you bought your siblings out - How would siblings feel if you or your DC made subsequent changes to the property that they didn’t like. Would they still feel they had rights as it had been once their “family home”. Would they be upset of not kept updated about changes.
If repairs and improvements were made by you / your DC, and value was added to the house, (or even if the value went up because of price rises in that area), would your siblings feel entitled to a share of any subsequent profits or feel a bit cheated by you?
It could end up potentially having an adverse effect on your relationship with your siblings.

Its hard to plan the future for kids - would your DC want to stay living in that area. If they get a great job offer elsewhere, and wish to buy elsewhere, what then? Or maybe do they quietly decline that great job offer as they feel honour bound to stay local

TBF, we’ve had all sorts of this type of discussion like this with out parents, usually with a bit of black humour involved.

Our

@erehj There really isn't, from what I have seen. As I said, most ppl prioritise house size, my parents prioritised garden size, when they had the house built (to their design). There may be some gem somewhere, but not that I have seen in the past few years when we were looking for a property ourselves.

@Quartz2208 Hopefully they have 10+ years in them, obv, but there are a few conditions which they are being monitored for which may change for the worse. As distasteful as it may seem to some, we have assisted dying here and they have mentioned this before. It's hard to tell how serious they are but that's something which feels a bit morbid to discuss further.

@Bayleaf25 sorry to hear about your mum with dementia. That must have been so hard. You're right that the situation might change by then. I think I'm just questioning it all now as I thought we had a plan in place and I don't understand what has changed.

@rookiemere yes, I appreciate that there are airbnbs etc, but they are expensive. We couldn't afford it often, my brother even less, and my sister was pretty tight before she got her money, so no doubt wouldn't want to do it more than we were willing (or able).

@farnworth at the moment we try to get together for a good period of time every school holiday, a couple of times in the summer, plus some random weekends. There's enough space for dc to keep their own room while having visitors. It doesn't seem worth even thinking about the rest of it now, although I would expect that if we had bought them out of the house and paid for any renovations which added value to the house, they shouldn't be entitled to any further money as they didn't put any further money into it beyond the sale point. It would be a bit weird to feel cheated in that circumstance, I think.

I think I won't get drawn into any conversations about it. As many are saying, it could be well in the future and there's things that could change. I do wish I knew why the change of heart though.