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Original poster

Long affair

131 replies

Rosiepetalx · 29/01/2023 17:55

I have been seeing a married man for 4 years. He is obviously not happy at home. I need to end it but love him. Do I give him an ultimatum

OP posts:
Nowthatlovehasperished · 29/01/2023 17:56

Yes, tell him to stop defrauding his wife of her life.

Oopsiedaisyy · 29/01/2023 17:57

Yes, but he won't leave so be prepared to walk away

Bonbon21 · 29/01/2023 17:57

If he has done it to her, he will do it to you.
Get some self respect and finish it.
Life is too short to be second best.

DaanSaaf · 29/01/2023 17:57

He's obviously not happy at home yet hasn't left in 4 years? Wake the fuck up love, he doesn't give a shit about you. Find your self respect and stop shagging someone else's husband.

Mirroredlove · 29/01/2023 17:58

It’s been 4 years, he would have left already by now surly?

I think do it, then you will see his not going to leave her, it’s not good for you to waste so much time on something that’s not going to happen.

You don’t love him, you love the affair idea of what your imagining in your head, reality is different

uhOhOP · 29/01/2023 17:59

Uh oh, OP. I don't see this going well.

As for your question, no, no ultimatums. Just tell him it's over. Then probably you should go and work out what's wrong with you that you were happy to be a bit on the side for four years.

Wibblewibble1 · 29/01/2023 18:01

You lose them how you got them. He will get bored of you and move to another “affair” . He will cheat around for life, as he has got away with it for so long it’s part of his life to be a nasty liar.

Emmamoo89 · 29/01/2023 18:03

Just end it.

Original poster
Rosiepetalx · 29/01/2023 18:04

I know he would be happier with me

OP posts:
SummerWinds · 29/01/2023 18:04

If he were to leave his wife which is unlikely as he has the best of both worlds, you would go from poacher to gamekeeper. How could you trust him knowing what he's capable of ?

ArcticSkewer · 29/01/2023 18:04

An ultimatum is quite a good idea. He will panic and dump you, cutting off all contact asap. Easier for you to move on.

If it was me? No I wouldn't issue an ultimatum. Men leave if they want to, he obviously doesn't want to so why force it? Just tell him your priorities have changed and it's time for you to move on. He will be sadder than you.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/01/2023 18:05

You're his bit on the side and that's all you'll ever be. If you leave him he'll just find another woman who is also completely lacking in self-respect. Sadly, there are legions of them out there. Get rid of him and work on yourself.

DaanSaaf · 29/01/2023 18:05

Rosiepetalx · 29/01/2023 18:04

I know he would be happier with me

How old are you?

LookinUp · 29/01/2023 18:07

He isn’t going to leave. I think an ultimatum will be a wake up call for you, as then you’ll have to face reality when he chooses not to leave.

I feel sorry for his wife, but I also feel really sorry for you. You’re still living in the delusion. When reality bites you are in for a world of pain.

booboo82 · 29/01/2023 18:07

Rosiepetalx · 29/01/2023 18:04

I know he would be happier with me

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Original poster
Rosiepetalx · 29/01/2023 18:07

30

OP posts:
DaanSaaf · 29/01/2023 18:09

Is he older? Does he have children?

Hiddenmnetter · 29/01/2023 18:10

I know he would be happier with me

that is pure fantasy. If he’s not happy with her, he’s unhappy. Here’s a tip: unless someone is in an abusive relationship, it’s unlikely to be the relationship that is the issue. He may well be unhappy because he’s committing an evil act by serially betraying solemn vows that he took…self loathing can make you unhappy.

PooHeads · 29/01/2023 18:10

Rosiepetalx · 29/01/2023 18:04

I know he would be happier with me

No you don’t, you don’t know this at all.

abyssofwoah · 29/01/2023 18:10

If he was going to leave her for you he’d have done it already.

I’m sure you think he’d be happier with you. Let me guess, they’ve drifted apart, she shows him no affection, poor him… blah blah blah

MrsMontyD · 29/01/2023 18:11

Another one saying if he was desperate to be with you he'd have left by now, he's having his cake and eating it.

You're living in a fantasy world, picturing you both as Romeo and Juliette, you'll find the reality completely different if he does leave and gets into divorce proceedings and you'll always be the other woman.

Biscuits1011 · 29/01/2023 18:11

Not happy at home.. that old chestnut. Dump him, run.

uhOhOP · 29/01/2023 18:11

Rosiepetalx · 29/01/2023 18:04

I know he would be happier with me

It's all fun and games now. A relationship is entirely different from sneaking around and getting a buzz from making a fool of another woman. Still, you'd probably be doing his wife a favour by leaving her free of him, a liar and a cheat.

MrsMontyD · 29/01/2023 18:11

abyssofwoah · 29/01/2023 18:10

If he was going to leave her for you he’d have done it already.

I’m sure you think he’d be happier with you. Let me guess, they’ve drifted apart, she shows him no affection, poor him… blah blah blah

Yes, I'm sure his wife doesn't understand him like the OP does !!!

Yankeescot · 29/01/2023 18:12

Let me guess, he's 40 something and 'he can't leave because of the kids' or some other tired out line?

You've wasted 4 years of your life with this tosser. Who is NOT going to leave his wife. If you he was 'happier with you' he would have left a looooong time ago. But he hasn't. And he won't