Boyfriend cheated, need advice.

[NewUser11]

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, it's the best relationship I've been in and I trusted him a lot.

A few weeks ago I found out that 2 weeks into officially being boyfriend and girlfriend (we had been speaking for 2 months prior to this) he kissed another girl on a night out.

I don't know what to do, he has never given me a reason to not trust him and I'm devastated. I want to stay with him because it was right at the beginning of our relationship but also am unsure if this is the right decision. He is very regretful and apologetic, I truly believe he hasn't done anything since but I'm struggling to get this out of my mind.

Any advice is appreciated.

2 weeks in is nothing, I’d forget it and move on

Why have you only just found out now? If he was truly regretful he would have told you when it happened (in which case I probably would have said to give him another chance), but he’s held in this big secret for 2 years. That’s a long time and a there’s been a lot of opportunities to be honest.

I'd be inclined to let that slide. Probably been weighing on him something awful. Not really a big deal is it, a cheeky wee snog. Maybe if you'd been together 6 months or something I could understand feeling betrayed and pissed off but 2 weeks in, meh.

Only issue might be, has it been a òne off? So I could see why your trust might be dented. Does he frequently go out to places or get in situations where such activitiy could occur?

@ALS94 you're right, he said he wanted to but he didn't want me to leave him and then time just went on. If I'd have found out when it happened I would've left him, because I wasn't that serious about him then

How did you find out?
2 weeks in is absolutely nothing. You weren't in love and you hadn't really developed a relationship. I wouldn't think anymore of it, unless there are signs he's cheated since or recently. If you've had a loving, supportive and fulfilling relationship in last two years then I'd say forget about it. If there are other niggles and you think it's a pattern of behaviour then I'd say get out

@Pinkbonbon thank you. he doesn't go out much and when he does he always invites me. It is very rare he will go out with his friends and me not go too. Also, whenever he does go out without me (which is very rare) he is usually texting me at points during the evening and calls me when he's on his way home, whereas at the beginning of our relationship we didn't do this.

The title doesn’t match the thread.

I kissed a guy 2 weeks into a relationship. Was drunk and daft. Totally out of character. Been in that relationship for 18 years now. Married for 13, 2 kids. Have never and would never do it again. I'd forget about that occasion.

@NewUser11 its such a personal decision. I think it would really affect my confidence in him and I’d be paranoid in the future if he went out without me which wouldn’t be healthy for either of us, so I probably would struggle to continue the relationship. But everyone is different.

You don’t have to make the decision now. He waited 2 years to tell you so you can take a couple of weeks to let it sink in a see how you feel

I found out because I snooped (wrongly so) on his phone. I'm not really the most trusting person, as my previous relationship was 10 years and I found out towards the end of it that he had been cheating on me and sleeping with multiple people. My current boyfriend knew about this and knew I left that relationship as soon as I found out.

@sunflowerandivy sorry forgot to tag you!

@NewUser11 see that would change things for me, he only came clean because you found out and he knew how you’d been hurt before but still cheated. Yes it was only a kiss but the fact you were snooping tells me you had a slight doubt in the back of your mind to start with even 2 years later

Well....its a difficult one. One hand it was just a kiss and 2 weeks in but....he's kept it from you for 2yrs which shows a massive potential to lie/ decive and 2 he's capable of cheating.

I let something slide once, it didn't end well for me. I'm not saying to end him but just keep your guard up.

The fact that you’re snooping around his phone says the relationship isn’t healthy. Normal people don’t do that, paranoid or distrustful people do.

Snogging someone when you’ve been dating a fortnight is nothing. It certainly isn’t cheating. At 2 weeks it’s not even a relationship, it’s a few dates.

If after 2 years you feel you can’t trust him, it’s probably best to end it. Then look into your trust issues and how to deal with them, as they will sabotage your happiness.

@HiccupHorrendousHaddock we had been seeing each other for 2 months when this happened, it was just 2 weeks into 'officially' being together.

I'm aware my trust issues are something that need to be worked on, is this something I could do while still being with him? The reason I snooped truly had nothing to do with him originally, it was more because of what had happened with my previous relationship. I was very trusting of him and never snooped (he was my first bf and first love) and I found out he had been cheating on me because a girl found me online and messaged me to let me know.

@taxpayer1 sorry?

You must have done a hell of a lot of snooping to find out about a kiss over 2 years ago. Why did you snoop if you weren't suspicious?

This is a more serious breach of trust than was him kidding someone when you were just starting out.

Have you been as apologetic about this as he was about the kiss?

You looked at his phone and he had evidence on there relating to a something and nothing kiss from 2 years ago?!
There's more to this than meets the eye.

Allow yourself to move on and enjoy your relationship. You don’t have to dwell on this. You sound like you’re happy with him so don’t sabotage yourself

What on earth did you find on his phone that showed he kissed someone once on a night out two years ago? Major snooping - agree with above I'd be more irritated by your forensic search of his phone. Seems much more a betrayal. Just because your ex did it to you doesn't give you a right to invade your BF's privacy like that when he didn't give you cause.

If this were a reverse most people would tell you to LTB

@L0bstersLass basically I went on his whatsapp and searched my name. I saw a message to his friend from just under 2 years ago as there wasn't many messages including my name, admitting to it and saying he didn't want me to find out and was embarrassed.

@smittenkittennn I understand what you're saying, but also there was something to be found. It's not as if I done a bad thing and found nothing, he did still cheat at the end of the day.