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Relationships

New boyfriend snapped at me

108 replies

Salkopetta · 23/01/2023 23:14

New relationship of about 4 months and all going well. I was looking at bf’s electronic device today and he asked me not to interfere with the settings; I was being careful not to and just scrolling through them out of interest. A few hours later, turns out device had an error message. I was mortified and apologies, have offered to help fix when I next see him. For context the error isn’t huge and won’t cost money to fix, just annoying. I suggested various solutions, apologised profusely etc etc.

he snapped at one of my responses (eg - “well I don’t think that’s going to work is it because it will require me being in two different places at once”) and also used the words “I did tell you not to mess with it”. He immediately apologised for being snappy and changed the subject, said he loved me etc.

iys not a massive deal and I accept I’m at fault here but feel like he’s spoken to me like a child. It’s not a big deal in the scheme of things and I have never once spoken to him like that. Not once. He has done some clumsy things at my house, spilt things etc (just once or twice and not a big deal) and I’ve always laughed it off and neevr made him feel bad for it.

how do I take this? Do I thank him for apologising, apologise myself and move on? Do I say anything? I don’t like being spoken to like a child and don’t like the tone be used at me. But he did apologise so don’t want to stew.

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Salkopetta · 23/01/2023 23:15

Sorry was typing from phone so there are some typos in that. Hopefully easy enough to follow

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AgathaX · 23/01/2023 23:18

Did he ask you not to mess with it and you carried on? If so he's every right to be annoyed with you.
In all honesty though, this sounds like a non issue.

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Cas112 · 23/01/2023 23:21

He asked you not to mess and you did.. I understand why he was snappy

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JoanCandy · 23/01/2023 23:24

Sorry OP but that would piss me off too. He’s only human, he has snapped out of frustration but followed it up with an apology.
You keep saying it’s ‘not a big deal’ but it is to him so respect that.

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ConfusedNT · 23/01/2023 23:25

I'm confused why you were scrolling through the settings at all tbh

But to be fair you acted a bit like a child, doing something after you had been asked not to

If thats the only times he's snapped at you or patronised you I would let it go

But if it turns into a pattern or he is patronising you in other ways then reconsider

But it's okay for men to have boundaries too and you crossed his after being asked not to, so you might want to consider your own behaviour here

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Salkopetta · 23/01/2023 23:25

Point taken! Yes I was being silly and childish.

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Eyerollcentral · 23/01/2023 23:27

Why did you keep messing about with it when he specifically asked you not to? It would irritate me that you kept making suggestions about how to fix it as well tbh. Those kind of things are super annoying to fix when you just want to use something. You seen a bit over sensitive, I don’t think what he said was bad.

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Theunamedcat · 23/01/2023 23:27

Did you actually cause the error?

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Catnary · 23/01/2023 23:29

He’s telling you he loves you after only 4 months? That’s the weird thing, not the snapping!

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Ofcourseshecan · 23/01/2023 23:31

Hmmm. I don’t snap at people and I don’t like anyone snapping at me. I’d let it pass once, but if he makes a habit of it I’d lose interest in him pretty quickly.

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Opentooffers · 23/01/2023 23:34

Understandable that he snapped a tad tbh, he apologised after, so all should be good. You may have twisted your shame and embarrassment into indignation. I get it, it's especially annoying when being called out on something that you know you did wrong 😉

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Salkopetta · 23/01/2023 23:34

i don’t think it’s weird to say you love someone at 4 months - horses for courses.

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aSofaNearYou · 23/01/2023 23:36

I think this was pretty normal and acceptable behaviour from him.

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qwertykeyboards · 23/01/2023 23:36

Don’t touch something you’ve been asked not to touch if you don’t want someone to snap at you.

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LadyOfTheFliessssss · 23/01/2023 23:37

I can see myself snapping in this scenario.

I go by the philosophy that sometimes people do lose their temper briefly but as long as they sincerely apologise (and it wasn't abusive), I'll call it quits. I'm not perfect either and I'd hope someone wouldn't hold it against me.

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Salkopetta · 23/01/2023 23:38

I have said I accept that I was in the wrong here 😅

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Aquamarine1029 · 23/01/2023 23:38

I was looking at bf’s electronic device today and he asked me not to interfere with the settings; I was being careful not to and just scrolling through them out of interest.

He asked you nicely not to fuck about with his settings, you continued to do so. He talked to you as if you're a child because you behaved like one. Leave his things the fuck alone.

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ricepuddin · 24/01/2023 00:24

Weirdly nasty post above mine.

As people have already said, getting annoyed and snapping is a normal human reaction.

If you usually laugh off all the annoying avoidable mistakes he makes though, and you feel he was following your cue/giving you what you expect when he immediately backtracked and apologised, you could just be from a kinder family culture than he is. My partner's family is kind and patient with one another, and over the years that has slowly influenced the way I react too. I'm glad I was shown a new way to communicate actually.

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ricepuddin · 24/01/2023 00:27

Aquamarine1029 · 23/01/2023 23:38

I was looking at bf’s electronic device today and he asked me not to interfere with the settings; I was being careful not to and just scrolling through them out of interest.

He asked you nicely not to fuck about with his settings, you continued to do so. He talked to you as if you're a child because you behaved like one. Leave his things the fuck alone.

I hope this isn't going off topic but I just can't get over what level of vitriol and self hatred you'd need to have this sort of toxic investment in someone else's generally loving relationship? I am genuinely curious!

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Viviennemary · 24/01/2023 00:30

You sound a bit of a pain tbh. You messed with his device even when he told you not to. Then it was faulty. He gave you a mild reprimand which was fair enough under the circumstances. Doesnt sound like this relationship is goingb to work if you take offence so easily.

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Deathbyfluffy · 24/01/2023 00:31

He asked you not to mess with his device and you did anyway - you don’t have a right to ‘stew’ over him being annoyed that you did it anyway.

There’s a difference between him being clumsy occasionally (an accident) vs you doing something you know pisses him off.

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Salkopetta · 24/01/2023 00:32

I get it now - I haven’t stewed, I’ve owned it and apologised again. Said not to worry about the snapping. It was my fault.

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ConfusedNT · 24/01/2023 00:35

ricepuddin · 24/01/2023 00:27

I hope this isn't going off topic but I just can't get over what level of vitriol and self hatred you'd need to have this sort of toxic investment in someone else's generally loving relationship? I am genuinely curious!

That post seemed no better or worse than most of the other posts on the thread.

I didn't see vitriol, self hatred or toxic investment just a simple statement of their opinion.

You don't seem genuinely curious about that posters 'level of self hatred' just meaner about them than they were about the OP tbh

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ricepuddin · 24/01/2023 00:39

ConfusedNT · 24/01/2023 00:35

That post seemed no better or worse than most of the other posts on the thread.

I didn't see vitriol, self hatred or toxic investment just a simple statement of their opinion.

You don't seem genuinely curious about that posters 'level of self hatred' just meaner about them than they were about the OP tbh

Fair, I actually found it shocking imagining someone saying that to anyone, but maybe I was being prudish about the language? I wasn't trying to be mean, but yes appreciate not all thoughts have to be aired and posted. Apologies.

Do think in general everyone is being harsh, OP didn't explicitly go against her bf's instructions - he was nominally OK with her scrolling, just said not to interfere with the settings, which she was careful not to do (but must have somehow accidentally). I know OP is over it, but I'm bored 😅

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ricepuddin · 24/01/2023 00:41

Again going off topic but also the sort of spiteful tone... I suppose my mistake is sort of in reading MN posts like human/face to face interactions? Eg if my friend or even a stranger asked for advice, I would never say that verbatim to her

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