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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

New boyfriend snapped at me

108 replies

Salkopetta · 23/01/2023 23:14

New relationship of about 4 months and all going well. I was looking at bf’s electronic device today and he asked me not to interfere with the settings; I was being careful not to and just scrolling through them out of interest. A few hours later, turns out device had an error message. I was mortified and apologies, have offered to help fix when I next see him. For context the error isn’t huge and won’t cost money to fix, just annoying. I suggested various solutions, apologised profusely etc etc.

he snapped at one of my responses (eg - “well I don’t think that’s going to work is it because it will require me being in two different places at once”) and also used the words “I did tell you not to mess with it”. He immediately apologised for being snappy and changed the subject, said he loved me etc.

iys not a massive deal and I accept I’m at fault here but feel like he’s spoken to me like a child. It’s not a big deal in the scheme of things and I have never once spoken to him like that. Not once. He has done some clumsy things at my house, spilt things etc (just once or twice and not a big deal) and I’ve always laughed it off and neevr made him feel bad for it.

how do I take this? Do I thank him for apologising, apologise myself and move on? Do I say anything? I don’t like being spoken to like a child and don’t like the tone be used at me. But he did apologise so don’t want to stew.

OP posts:
Starlitestarbright · 26/01/2023 02:08

Did he snap and fart?

SunflowerTed · 26/01/2023 05:02

AcrossthePond55 · 24/01/2023 01:22

See here's my thing. In the first days of a relationship we're generally on our 'best behaviour'. If he's 'snapping' at this early stage, how might his anger manifest itself once he feels 'secure' in the relationship and starts to let his guard down? So depending on what 'snapping' is, it could be a red flag.

Just because someone messed up isn't a reason to 'snap' at them, again depending on what 'snapping' is. Someone's 'snap' may be pursed lips and a 'tight' tone of voice. Another person's 'snap' may be a red face, bulging eyes, and 'snarling' comments. Yet another person's may be a look of disdain and a condescending tone. The first is 'ok'. The latter two are not, and would be red flags to me.

This must be a joke?! In our perfect world we can’t snap at our partners anymore if they’re Being bloody annoying Wtaf? !

SunflowerTed · 26/01/2023 05:05

powershowerforanhour · 24/01/2023 09:38

Observe how he treats his mum. If he's snappy, impatient, patronising or generally a bit high handed with her, that'll be you in a couple of years.

Hilarious

LHReturns · 26/01/2023 05:08

SunflowerTed · 26/01/2023 05:05

Hilarious

Heheheheheheh…indeed…Sherlock OP can get to the bottom of this.

AcrossthePond55 · 26/01/2023 15:12

SunflowerTed · 26/01/2023 05:02

This must be a joke?! In our perfect world we can’t snap at our partners anymore if they’re Being bloody annoying Wtaf? !

As I said in my post, there is 'snapping' then there's 'snapping'.

The SECOND two are not acceptable. At least not to me.

DH and I have been happily married 35 years so we must be doing something right. We might 'snap' in the 1st way, but neither of us would accept the other 'snapping' by blowing up and shouting or being disdainful or derogatory. If doing so is fine with you, so be it.

sendbobs · 26/01/2023 15:14

Formation, it was the first type. Most people have said he hasn't done anything wrong, so maybe you've misunderstood the original post

sendbobs · 26/01/2023 15:15

Fortunately ^^

FindingMeno · 26/01/2023 15:18

I'm not sure how some people navigate life being so over-sensitive!!!

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