New boyfriend snapped at me

[Salkopetta]

New relationship of about 4 months and all going well. I was looking at bf’s electronic device today and he asked me not to interfere with the settings; I was being careful not to and just scrolling through them out of interest. A few hours later, turns out device had an error message. I was mortified and apologies, have offered to help fix when I next see him. For context the error isn’t huge and won’t cost money to fix, just annoying. I suggested various solutions, apologised profusely etc etc.

he snapped at one of my responses (eg - “well I don’t think that’s going to work is it because it will require me being in two different places at once”) and also used the words “I did tell you not to mess with it”. He immediately apologised for being snappy and changed the subject, said he loved me etc.

iys not a massive deal and I accept I’m at fault here but feel like he’s spoken to me like a child. It’s not a big deal in the scheme of things and I have never once spoken to him like that. Not once. He has done some clumsy things at my house, spilt things etc (just once or twice and not a big deal) and I’ve always laughed it off and neevr made him feel bad for it.

how do I take this? Do I thank him for apologising, apologise myself and move on? Do I say anything? I don’t like being spoken to like a child and don’t like the tone be used at me. But he did apologise so don’t want to stew.

I think it was better not to tough his device anymore. Because he already warned not to interfere.

I’m going to go against the grain here and say that he was a little OTT in his snappiness and I too would feel a little unsettled by his reaction, as you do OP.

He is allowed to be irritated but it’s these little reactions (whether he veers towards being forgiving in the moment or punitive) which are telling. See how it goes but if his snappiness occurs more frequently/mounts up, this won’t be the right relationship for you and don’t feel bad for ending it if that happens.

If you think about it, forums would be pretty rubbish if there was a ban on repeating something a previous poster had said! A bit like when you try to get tickets for a really popular event and they sell out within 3 minutes…

@Watchkeys

“Your posts in response are increasingly childlike, which hints at why you're having the problem in the first place.”

im struggling to see this, which areas of my response posts are childish? Keen to understand as if the are, and I’m not getting that, there may be bigger problems at play here!

@Catnary yes of course! And the posts here are unanimous really. I do get it, plus free speech and all that

Were you one of those children that has to touch everything despite your parents telling you not to?

@Charlize43 absolutely not. Tbh I had fear of authority and wouldn’t have dared.

Well would you believe it? I thought it was just Prince Harry and I whose bins talked to us but...

amberol.co.uk/bins/educational-bins

(I like the penguin one)

That’s not at all weird. Don’t listen to negative crap like this. If it was 4 weeks fair enough but 4 months you should absolutely know if you love someone by then.

but back to the ops post, I think you should just accept you were wrong to to jeep fiddling when asked not to.. and agree with another poster suggestions to fix it at that point would be annoying. So I think he reacted normally

Hmmmm I think there is a disconnect in the way you both treat things and each's damaging of those things. You say you don't' make an issue out of when he damages something at yours but he makes an issue out of it you mess up something at his.
My DH is like this, and in the early years there were lots of discussions about how I don't react when he breaks something but he goes mad if I break something.
Accept you should have left it alone, but also have the conversation about the differences early on.

I think I'd just end up arguing with the pingu one 😅

OP - just close MN and ignore anything further. You were right to ask the question, you've agreed with the comments, your situation with your bf is fine.

Go enjoy your week! x

4 months is enough time if you see each other more than once a fortnight

What do you do? Do not react and move on, these things are bound to happen in relationships, everyone gets snappy from time to time. What's not important to you may be important to him. It is a learning curve. You are still adjusting to each other. It should get better once you know each other's style

I would be a little upset if someone was messing with the settings on something.
If the other person was interested in how it worked or something, I would gladly show them.

As for the relationship, just be aware if you are repeating past relationships that end up badly.

How is this weird? It depends on how much time you've spent with someone within that period.

At 4 months I definitely knew I loved my DH. We knew we wanted to get married after 2 months. Just because it didn't happen as quickly for you doesn't make it weird.

What's definitely weird is continuing to do something someone asked you not to then wondering why they're pissed off. What's also weird is having any interest in someone device settings. I wouldn't even be able to tell you what the settings are on my own device.

I can't imagine how OP will cope when there's an actual problem.

He spoke to you like a child because you behaved like one. He asked you not to mess with it and you carried on regardless.

This.

I adore DH but lord, sometimes he pisses me off and I'll be honest I can be a snappy cow. He also has his moments. Especially when under stress.

You are still in the honey moon period and best behaviour time - I would not expect to be snapped at during this period.

You're going to struggle maintain a relationship if you expect to never be annoying/annoyed at anyone for 1 year + (or however long honeymoon stage lasts). It happens. He apologised, and we don't all have infinite patience for annoying behaviour in other people. He did nothing wrong at all.

Sorry I don't agree. We're all human and we all get irritated from time to time.

Would you expect your partner to push boundaries and do the opposite of what you asked them to do?

Yes I was really really annoying but he can be annoying too

Well, this is quite a childlike approach. Whether or not he can be annoying isn't relevant to the problem that you're dealing with. Nor is your childhood. You're bringing irrelevant stuff in to bolster your argument, and you seem to think that because everyone knows you were wrong and you've apologised, things should be ok. It just doesn't work like that; that's how kids think things work. As if they did something, so they're owed something. You're also asking for advice on how to deal with a very simple issue. That's quite childlike, like 'Mummy, how do I open this bag of crisps?' If you're going to be in an adult relationship, you need to be able to answer your own questions about how to deal with your feelings and your partner. What would you do if you had a real relationship problem? Are you going to consult us every time? Are you running your own relationship, or wanting others to run it for you?

The basic problem here is that you did something he clearly asked you not to. You disrespected his wishes. There's no need to bring your childhood into it, unless you're looking to distract by looking at responses, but those all happened after the fact.

Gosh OP, people really are piling on here!

If you were criticised a lot unnecessarily as a child, of course this will hurt a bit, especially in an otherwise good relationship. I can completely understand that.

It sounds like you've got a nice relationship though, so I guess just move on from this and you should be fine.

Yeah, for keeping good relationship between each other then she needs to accept it.