DP has “fifa rage” is this acceptable

[Ahleea]

DP gets very angry when playing fifa. If he loses he tends to shout at me and dc telling us to “shut up” and that the game brings out the worst in him when he loses so he needs to concentrate. He won’t let me talk or sing to dc when he is playing because it distracts him. When losing he has punched his phone, threw his phone, kicked whatever’s in his way e.g. kids toy box and drawers, smashed his controller. He has also raised hand to dc as if to smack him but he never actually hit him.. he just does it to sort of scare him into being quiet so he’s not distracting him from his game. I told DP that this anger isn’t acceptable and he can’t play the game if he is going to behave that way. However he tells me “fifa rage” is normal for most gamers and he’s not going to stop playing it just because losing frustrates him. Is this acceptable behavior for playing a video game? Does anyone else DP shout at them or dc or hit things when playing video games?

He's a bullying arsehole and you need to get rid.

Can you honestly not see this is wrong?

His behaviour is not normal or acceptable. Tell him that if he wants to be a part of the family, the family comes first so he should be playing with the children, getting their meals and organising activities for them. If he wants to play his games, he needs to understand that the rest of the family will be talking and playing and not sitting in silence.

No. No no. I’m a gamer. I get it’s frustrating when you lose. I have been known to swear a bit (which is why I only play after DS is in bed). I have been known to rage-quit. But none of that makes it acceptable to be an arsehole and take it out on the people around him. He is being a fuckwit.

He’s always telling me it’s normal for men to react this way to video games when losing so that’s why I’m seeing if others have partners who do this. I’m not sure if it’s an acceptable way to behave in response to video games

My husband and son play fifa and don't go on like that OP. I'd be hiding the game and telling him if he can't control himself he can fuck off out the front door. Ridiculous.

Absolutely not and I've been gaming since zx spectrum days. Neither my partner or my adult children or I would ever behave like that.

He's abusive.

We’ve dealt with this with DS1 who is now in. his 20s. Anything on the scale you’re mentioning would end with the end of the game at our house. He knows we won’t stand for it.

"FIFA Rage" is not normal. DP and DS (8) play fifa and they are competitive but have good banter and it's all good fun. Never has my dh been raged with playing any of the games. Your child will grow up thinking it's normal to act this way if you don't pull the plug out.

DH gets apoplectic with rage AT FIFA. But none of it, not one tiny bit, leaks out. When he rage quits, he is fully present and lovely to everyone. If just one time he, "raised hand to dc as if to smack him but he never actually hit him" I would be considering divorce. And he would have recognised his behaviour and never played again if he'd got close to that.

The only acceptable thing to do when you realise something makes you a total and utter cunt (be that FIFA, alcohol, coffee or whatever) is immediately quit and never do it again.

He wants you to accept him being abusive. Because his computer game made him. FFS.

If he was gaming with friends or work colleagues in the room, do you think he’d subject them to that kid of behaviour?

My boyfriend doesn’t do this, my ex didn’t do this, my 6 year old doesn’t do this.

He would have to stop playing or I’d leave him.

I'm sitting in the living room right now with an adult male family member playing fifa - the occasional fist pump in the air, one or two muttered swear words and a wry smile. the odd offer of a cup of tea to me, a verbal report on how they are doing in a conversational tone. This is normal, win or lose. This is often how we spend time in the evenings. I am alternating work and mumsnet, he is video gaming and chatting to friends online. Sociable and comfortable

DH is also a gamer; my brother is a gamer; my brother-in-law is a gamer; and none of them act like that. DBro has ASD and low impulse control, and DH has (we think) undiagnosed ADHD (or another similar neurodivergence). And none of them would ever behave like that. I game online with all 3 of them and can say for sure that they might grumble and swear a bit, but that’s it. None of them would ever threaten or imply violence (by raising a hand to hit) or demand silence. It is not normal, and not ok.

When does he take over so you have down time to do what you want?

No it isn’t. Your partner is an arsehole. Sorry.

No it's not normal

o. ANd he has a purring cat on his lap

What on earth have I just read?! 😳

Your dc must be terrified. He’s an abusive arsehole. You must get rid.

My dh is a gamer so I have nothing at all against gaming and occasionally he might say “oh crap” or whatever but never raises his voice or throws stuff or whatever. He realises it’s just a game!

Coming to think of it he doesn’t give me any down time and that’s pretty much the norm. If we both have the day off, I’ll attend to dc needs and he will choose what tv show to watch or which video game to play

Exactly the same here.

That's not normal. DH and I are both gamers and we don't act like tantrumming toddlers.

Really though OP even if you get other people saying "yes my DH is like this too" that doesn't make it acceptable. The fact it's caused by a video game is irrelevant, he's lashing out verbally and physically at you and your children because he cannot or doesn't want to control himself.

Aside from the clear red flags, is this not a massive turn off? I think if I saw my partner punch his phone in a rage about a computer game my vagina would seal shut.

I hate your DP and I’ve never even met him. Don’t have to. What a dick.