DP has “fifa rage” is this acceptable

[Ahleea]

DP gets very angry when playing fifa. If he loses he tends to shout at me and dc telling us to “shut up” and that the game brings out the worst in him when he loses so he needs to concentrate. He won’t let me talk or sing to dc when he is playing because it distracts him. When losing he has punched his phone, threw his phone, kicked whatever’s in his way e.g. kids toy box and drawers, smashed his controller. He has also raised hand to dc as if to smack him but he never actually hit him.. he just does it to sort of scare him into being quiet so he’s not distracting him from his game. I told DP that this anger isn’t acceptable and he can’t play the game if he is going to behave that way. However he tells me “fifa rage” is normal for most gamers and he’s not going to stop playing it just because losing frustrates him. Is this acceptable behavior for playing a video game? Does anyone else DP shout at them or dc or hit things when playing video games?

Reading your updates, he sounds bloody awful. He's horrible to you, he's a selfish, sexist dickhead.

Does he have any good points?? Has he always been like this??
I'd get legal advice. I would not be happy leaving him in charge if children. He's violent, unpredictable, out of control and dangerous.

Threads like this make me lose the will to live. The poor kids.

Lots of us who grew up with angry dads cut our mothers off in adulthood for not protecting us from that.

Just something to think about.

Leave. If you don't, you're exposing your kids to abuse. Is that what you want?

Coming to think of it he doesn’t give me any down time and that’s pretty much the norm. If we both have the day off, I’ll attend to dc needs and he will choose what tv show to watch or which video game to play

You're with an abusive, lazy, childish arsehole of a man who treats you like shit. I'm sure there are moments when he can be nice, but that doesn't for a moment make up for his twattish behaviour.

Good summary!

@Ahleea
After what you've written I can't begin to understand how you can also say that the relationship is great when things are going well. It sounds like you have very little self-esteem for you to overlook all his appalling behaviour and imagine your relationship to be great when he's choosing not to be a complete twat.

If you hate yourself so much that you choose to be trodden all over in the one life you have, that's up to you, but please consider your children, as presumably you love them.

Not read all of the comments. Do you know seen the title and thought oh yes the fifa rage, my 8 year old gets frustrated on it but oh my goodness this is vile!!! Your poor children, holding his hand up to them over a fucking game!! You need to leave and I am usually a person that thinks don't be hasty and ltb but honestly his behaviour is disgusting! Protect your children

He continually raises his hand to your child. Please don’t minimise this in your head by telling yourself it doesn’t matter because he didn’t actually hit your child.
Continually threatening a child IS abuse. It causes psychological harm. It would be an instant safeguarding elevation if the school became aware.

Please wake up and stop enabling it

In your heart then you know that this relationship isn’t great is it? Because you’re afraid of his reactions. It isn’t right. You know that really. Change is hard for sure. But will you change before or after he really cracks the shits at you or raises a hand to the kids cause he’s a sore loser??

This.

Your husband probably does see lots of players (most, but not all, male) talking about computer game rage, and it is normal for many players to scream in frustration at the game, at their computer, at the pixels, at the twelve year old in Taiwan who's just shot them in the back. He's using this largely performative anger that a lot of players joke about to justify his very different abusive behaviour.

Not normal unless he only associates with thugs in which case his perception of normal is very warped.

I wouldn't be able to tolerate this. Do you really want your dc to grow up thinking this sort of behaviour is ok? You need to protect your dc. The fact he is arguing that his behaviour is normal blows my mind and frankly if he is going to threaten to leave agree with him! In fact show him the door!

I told DP that this anger isn’t acceptable and he can’t play the game if he is going to behave that way. However he tells me “fifa rage” is normal for most gamers and he’s not going to stop playing it just because losing frustrates him.

This is all you need to know.

He prioritises his game over his child, & is prepared to scare the boy into silence by going as if to hit him. He is prepared to scare you into silence by hitting objects, which is a known precursor to male on female violence.

He expects the rest of the family to tiptoe around while he is gaming, he expects to game whenever he wants to , & no - none of this is acceptable.

The fact that you needed to come here to ask if it's ok shows how long he's been wearing down you boundaries. He sounds like a bullying thug, & not a man your children should have to live with.

Tell him to leave then.

He brings nothing to your relationship.
Coming to think of it he doesn’t give me any down time and that’s pretty much the norm. If we both have the day off, I’ll attend to dc needs and he will choose what tv show to watch or which video game to play

You won't miss him. get rid, & get a CM claim in, check out what benefits you may attract, & contact the council to get your single person's discount. Your man is neither use nor ornament, & one day he is going to escalate into violence against you or DC.

This is usually how domestic violence starts OP.

With anger, threats, waving fists.

You need to be your DC's advocate & get this bully out of their home.