DP has “fifa rage” is this acceptable

[Ahleea]

DP gets very angry when playing fifa. If he loses he tends to shout at me and dc telling us to “shut up” and that the game brings out the worst in him when he loses so he needs to concentrate. He won’t let me talk or sing to dc when he is playing because it distracts him. When losing he has punched his phone, threw his phone, kicked whatever’s in his way e.g. kids toy box and drawers, smashed his controller. He has also raised hand to dc as if to smack him but he never actually hit him.. he just does it to sort of scare him into being quiet so he’s not distracting him from his game. I told DP that this anger isn’t acceptable and he can’t play the game if he is going to behave that way. However he tells me “fifa rage” is normal for most gamers and he’s not going to stop playing it just because losing frustrates him. Is this acceptable behavior for playing a video game? Does anyone else DP shout at them or dc or hit things when playing video games?

Yuk. What a nasty immature man child he is. Actually most children don't act like that when they loose a game. You you need to get out. It's only a matter of time before someone gets hurt. Abs it's not a good model for your children.

"So pretty much shuts me up" WHY DOES IT?!?! Don't offer ultimatums you won't carry through. Empty threats are worthless to you and worth a lot to your opponent. If he openly tells you that you and your family are worth less than a GAME- listen. Listen to what he's telling you with his behaviour and his words. Leave. Let him leave. Make him leave.

I can't decide if I'm more worried if your children are boys or girls if they continue to grow up in this environment. Boys to learn and mimic his behaviour, dooming the next generation of women to selfish abusive man child's or girls, watching what they should accept and how much - or rather little?!- they are worth , doomed to reenact this mess of a relationship they see as the norm?

This is so sad to read. How can you even think this is acceptable op? No it's not normal!

I play computer games as do our dc. When I sense dc have had enough we call it quits and have a break. No one raises their hands or destroys things.

Personally I would tell him to choose you and your dc or the computer games.

Swearing, yes. Kicking and going to hit your child? Absolutely not. My husband used to play fifa and he never did anything like that!!

No, it's not normal. My DSs learned to regulate their emotions as children, when playing games (with my help) If they couldn't manage it, they wouldn't have been allowed to play. Now they are adults they have the ability not to be a violent dickhead. His behaviour is incredibly selfish. What kind of parent partakes in something to the detriment of their child?

I hope your children tell their teachers. They need someone to protect them from this and hopefully get them away from that home life and it doesnt sound like you're going to do it.

In a few years, he wont just be raising his hand as a threat. He'll be raising his hand and using it. Your son will very quickly grow up into a young man; age 10/11/12 and they start to grow big. At that point, theyll start to stand up to him and he will hit them. I'd bet my house on it.

I do hope you take them and leave but it sounds like they need to tell another adult about their home life so they get help.

My DH is so laid back he's practically horizontal... until he plays FIFA. It's an awful game and probably responsible for far more beatings and deaths than the likes of Grand Theft Auto. I honestly don't know what it is but he shouts and swears like a teenager while playing but refuses to get rid.

You have choices.
Your children don’t.
Unless you deal with this then you are equally culpable for the damage being done to them.

This is not normal

Tell him about the new game called mad mama
where wives married to abusive man children shout in their face, kick em in the nads, and throw their belongings out on the front lawn.

This

My ex did this. Call of Duty or FIFA. He wasn't even good at either of them (I would also play CoD and was way better than him... that's saying a lot...)

He's an ex for a reason.

I agree with other poster he’s a fuckwit and LTB what makes you think this is ac acceptable behaviour and in front of children as well 🤦‍♂️

What did you expect to hear yeah my husband does this as well bless him

How are you allowing him to frighten your children into submission. Leave the bastard.

Well my son (then 16) started acting that way in lockdown when he played the PS4 a lot. It probably was FIFA, it was definitely a football game. He’s such a good kid and never caused me a day’s trouble, but OMG he turned into someone else. After repeated warnings which he ignored I banned him from it, and threatened to cut the wire if he didn’t stop again. Thankfully he stopped playing it. His dad is just as bad and probably where he got it from. I didn’t take it from my son and I certainly wouldn’t entertain a grown mad sitting there telling me to shut up and raising his hand to my child. I’d tell him it’s the family or the game. Men might act like that with FIFA but the women in their life (mums or partners) shouldn’t put up with it

If anyone raised their hand to my child in an attempt to scare them into submission I would put a fucking chair over their head.

Are you fucking joke OP?
get a grip!! He threatens physical violence towards his child and smashes the house up because he lost at his little video game?

FFS have some self respect.

Kick this absolute piece of bullying shit out.

My DH likes playing videogames. He never ever shouts, swears or throws things. At all. Ever. I wouldn't be with him if he did - that's a huge line for me. I will not accept any kind of aggression (even if not directed at me or "only" verbal). I also like playing videogames sometimes and I've never shouted or thrown things either. So I don't think it's normal, no.

He‘s a bullying man-child. Do you want to keep subjecting your children to this?

My DH plays FIFA probably 2 times a week for an hour at a time whilst I'm having a bubble bath usually. He plays with his real life friends. I hear the odd "fuck sake" muttered followed by him laughing with his friend about something over the headphones but he's never once come off of their throwing a fit, changed moods or raised a hand to ANYONE after losing.

Leave this piece of shit OP, if my DH ever raised his hand to our children he'd have my foot in his arse out the front door followed by divorce papers.

I have had several partners who gamed. Not a single one of them ever acted like this. You’re being gaslit like a fucking Victorian parlour. Your partner is 100% wrong about this. You know who screams at their partner and children? The kind of arseholes who scream at their partners and children. It’s got absolutely nothing to do with anything else.

It’s the same when police have to put up with a lot more domestic abuse calls after big football matches. And it’s whether the abuser’s teams wins OR loses; if the team loses, the bloke’s excuse is he hit his partner because he was upset, and if the team wins, his excuse is he beat his partner because he drank too much celebrating. No; he hits his partner because he’s an abuser.

I do agree there seem to be a lot of arseholes playing FIFA and COD, but no, playing them is not a magical excuse to be an abusive fuckwit. Tell him he stops or he leaves, but the next time he raises a hand to your child, whether he follows through on it or not, your relationship should be over.

This is awful. The threat of violence always there. Totally unacceptable. Your poor kids.

My husband games and is an avid football supporter

While passionate (and sometimes mopey if his team loses a match)he has NEVER done anything like what you have described here.

if he did what you describe here i would be having a sit down to make it clear its unacceptable and there are 2 choices. He needs to stop playing or learn to control himself.
if it happened again i would remove him from the family home and divorce him.

its not okay his behaviour is controlling and you are essentially living in fear. Its also terribly damaging for your child

no this isn't acceptable. this is absolutely unacceptable toxic behaviour and is emotionally damaging to your dc. if he doesn't have the maturity to control himself then you have the responsibility to take action to protect your dc.

but you are not you DH's mum, and you can't control his decisions. you can control your own, and you need to have the courage and self respect to remove yourself and dc from unacceptable circumstances.

let him know that from now on, if the fifa game goes on, you and DC are leaving the house that minute and you will return when he phones to let you know that the game is off and put away and that he is calm and reasonable again. If under those conditions he decides to restrict his playing to occasions when its easy and fun to have a nice day out with the DC and that he balances this with giving you some solo leisure time on another day, then that would work. if he continues to prioritise his game playing over his Dc's welfare you will need to find somewhere else to live.

what is clear though is that you must not prioritise his selfishness over the DC's welfare any more.

It really is not. That console would be getting smashed up with a hammer if I were you.