DP has “fifa rage” is this acceptable

[Ahleea]

DP gets very angry when playing fifa. If he loses he tends to shout at me and dc telling us to “shut up” and that the game brings out the worst in him when he loses so he needs to concentrate. He won’t let me talk or sing to dc when he is playing because it distracts him. When losing he has punched his phone, threw his phone, kicked whatever’s in his way e.g. kids toy box and drawers, smashed his controller. He has also raised hand to dc as if to smack him but he never actually hit him.. he just does it to sort of scare him into being quiet so he’s not distracting him from his game. I told DP that this anger isn’t acceptable and he can’t play the game if he is going to behave that way. However he tells me “fifa rage” is normal for most gamers and he’s not going to stop playing it just because losing frustrates him. Is this acceptable behavior for playing a video game? Does anyone else DP shout at them or dc or hit things when playing video games?

No not normal at all.

DP games more into NBA rather then fifa but same idea.

1. He doesn't game when the kids are around more something he does in the evening if I have an early night or something.
2. He is not an abusive prick who uses a computer game as an excuse to threaten to hit a small child. That is abuse.

He's addicted to the game by the sounds of it and can't manage his emotions emotions. Frightening your dc, being violent etc is not normal. He's doing what all addicts do and trying to justify his behaviour.

DP shouts and swears at COD yes. Gamers rage is definately common I believe. DP has a room for gamer stuff because I can't be bothered listening to it. If he did any of the other stuff, particularly the 'hand raise', there would be no xbox.

Not normal or acceptable.

Please call Women's Aid, OP. All you have to do at first is chat with them.

I have gamed for years (which according to MN is pathetic in a woman of almost 50 but hey ho!) and I have never done this.

The absolute worst will be an "OH BOLLOCKS!" and then a faux tantrum along the lines of "Stupid game, never playing it again" and laughing it off.

He is an angry man prone to violent outbursts, the fact that a video game is one of his triggers does not make it acceptable and I see that he has lost it with the kids too. One day that hand will be raised and it wont stop. Are you prepared to wait until one the kids gets a beating? He is dangerous and you need to get your kids away from this maniac.

Getting angry over a video game ain’t normal in the slightest.

Been playing FIFA since one of the first editions was released and have never got worked up over a game.

A real game? That’s more understandable (within reason of course).

My teenager acted exactly like this, smashing tv's and many a controller. He had to buy replacements himself. Even he stopped playing himself as the rage got too much.

@Ahleea I'd consider letting him go. It doesn't sound like much of a loss.

I’m not sure if it’s an acceptable way to behave in response to video games

Its not a normal way to respond to anything but especially not to an activity that he is in no way required to do.

I can understand high levels of frustration in response to, say, a difficult household task that takes a long time and keeps going wrong but must be done (even then the solution is not to act out on your family but take a break to cool off and regroup) but he is choosing to play the game of his own free will and could stop any time given how badly it is affecting his relationship with his family.

The trouble is, he clearly cares more about his game time than his relationship with his family.

"He has also raised hand to dc as if to smack him but he never actually hit him.. he just does it to sort of scare him into being quiet." Totally unacceptable, vile behaviour. He's threatening your child because of a fucking video game.

DH doesn't play much anymore as there's no time. When he did it was nothing like this. He only played fifa and a UFC game but he would never fly into a rage like you've described. If he was losing he'd probably put his controller down in a faux kick off and declare it a "stupid game". He could take some light teasing about losing too.

OP, imagine if your husband flies into one of his rages and your DC is caught in the cross fire with a phone/hand/foot to the head by accident.

P.s. DH says what your OH is doing is childish beyond belief. He also says fifa is not a true "gamers" game and he needs to calm down calling himself a gamer 😂 that's probably subjective though.

This is abhorrent! What do you get from this relationship? Furthermore what do your kids get and what sort of role model is he? You really need to change this situation it’s so so unhealthy!

My husband was playing FIFA this evening while I'd taken the kids to an activity and i fitted in the weekly shop during this time.

When I came home, he got up, opened the door and carried the bags to the kitchen and helped me unpack them. And then went back to the game while i went back out to collect the kids.

If he really got riled up about a game, he would only ever play when the kids were out i think.

I also know a guy who gave up playing FIFA when he had kids because he couldnt control his temper with the game.

I would talk to your husband and say that you only want him to play it if he can control himself better because what he's doing is not ok.

My 'DP' behaved like this when he was gaming; the threats, screaming, overreactions and smashing things. It was apparently because "being a gamer is who I am" but was actually because he was an abusive cunt. The gaming fixation extended to him having a huge meltdown the day before my elective c-section to have the child we had tried for for several years. It dawned on him that he might be called on to stop playing for a few weeks and he didn't like it.

To the extent that his behaviour escalated and he made our lives a living hell for the next few years to prove a bizarre point about "being true to myself" including gaming for 16 hours straight when I got back from the hospital with newborn DD and refusing to lift a finger to help aside from occasionally screaming obscenities or laughing and mocking me for being in pain or struggling up our cottage stairs. I was too ashamed to tell anyone for a long time.

This digression is to say that things will only get worse and once you take a step back without his ominous presence in the home you too will probably realise that you've been is a frightening and abusive relationship for a very long time. Please find someone to confide in and get the help you need to get out. If only for your DC's sake right now, until you have the self-confidence back to know that you shouldn't have to live like this either. Take care.

If he loses he tends to shout at me

Only read this far, far enough to know that that is not right.

He's an abusive cunt and a bad role model for your son. Let him go. Throw his precious console out of the top window and tell him to fuck off.

*been in

@CoffeeAndEnnui that “true to himself “ line gave me revulsion chills.

OP your husband’s behaviour wouldn’t be acceptable if he was fourteen fucking years of age.

It’s not a bloody acceptable way to behave in response to ANYTHING ffs. Throw him out. And raise your standards.

@Backstreets, I must admit that it's one that I've had a wry laugh over in the 18 blissful months since I excised him from our lives.

Tried that. He says he will go and leave me in that case. He says he is not going to have a woman control his life or stop him playing his favourite video games. So pretty much shuts me up

Off he fucks then.

However when he’s angry then he behaves the same way he would when losing the game e.g. dc annoy him he would raise hand as in to scare them or throw things around

Why is staying with him more important than your children having a happy, healthy, safe home in which they aren't being frightened or threatened by an adult?

Your poor kids.

Never acceptable to raise your hand to a child.

He has also raised hand to dc as if to smack him but he never actually hit him.. he just does it to sort of scare him into being quiet so he’s not distracting him from his game.

OP, you need to wise the fuck up. This is appalling. You need to kick the revolting cunt out and protect your kids. I cannot believe you are accepting this.

I would rethink this, how would you deal with it if it was your son?

You'd remove his console. You cant do that with your "D"P as he is an adult so you'll have to get rid of the console and the abusive prick it is attached to.

He sounds repulsive, OP.

Obviously it's not OK - he's an adult and he's acting like a toddler having a tantrum when things don't go his way. However, he's an adult man and is threatening violence, so it's frightening, not ridiculous. Clearly he shouldn't be playing FIFA if he can't control himself, but also, do you really want to stay with a man who thinks this is acceptable? He's threatening your children, for fuck's sake, and over absolutely nothing. It's totally wrong and it's fucking pathetic. Absolutely appalling behaviour. I'd leave him and I wouldn't look back.