Dating Thread 238 - Sex, Beer and Sausage Rolls (for the lucky ones!)

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Hi All welcome to a shiny new thread as we proceed into 2023 with support for those riding the rollercoasters of the world of dating.

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Mapleunicorn some men are awful. I can't stand the photos with them poking their tongues out. Do they think it looks cute?!

Yep. Same.

In fact I've just sent the link to FEELD to two men I met up with. I honestly, having spoken and met with them, think this is exactly what they need. So thank you for pointing me in the direction.

Sadly I don't think they'll use it if they have to pay. But their current approach through mainstream sites isn't going to work. Well I don't think so anyway 🤔

Dickheads

My god, so many photos with tongues out. Or a selfie where they are holding their phone at waist level so you just get 48 chins with a slightly confused look on their face. I think they might be going for smouldering but it’s just awful. Instant left

Never has my user name been more accurate, you would see more action in a graveyard.

@NoDatingForOldMen - firstly here's a big hug 🤗

Right secondly I really feel for some men on these apps. When I met the iron I fancied the pants off I thought he'd have had loads of women - five. Five women. I'd been on Bumble a week and had over 20 messages.

He said women don't tend to message first 🤷‍♀️. I do. Does that make me look easy? I like to think it's 2023, I'm in my 50s, I don't really want to play games anymore. Life's far too short.

So, ladies, if you like someone message them. You have absolutely nothing to lose.

This, definitely. I messaged MrBike first too, and we haven't stopped since! 😂 There were very few I actually messaged first, only ones I fancied and at my age that wasn't many! Agree about the photos with tongues out or unflattering angles.. do they not want to attract anyone?!

Hi thanks for starting this thread! I’m on pof am 43 and am finding it dire. What sites are ppl meeting all these men or am I just past it? Hardly get any decent messages let alone anyone to go on a date with.

In my experience, women rarely message 1st, and just at rarely respond to any message & I know I have said this before, but I’m my opinion OLD is a waste of time, energy ( and money sometimes), for most average men, and I class myself as a completely average man.

and thank you for the hug.

I don't mind messaging first. I don't do it all the time instantly unless I really fancy look of them but if they haven't messaged after a day or so I will drop them a message to clear our the ego swipers. If they haven't replied in a day then I can unmatch.

I matched with someone last week that messaged saying we had chatted before. I'm not convinced we had so asked what happened and he said I disappeared. I said that doesn't sound like me but we chatted on and off for the week. Anyway he unmatched uncerimonsily at some point Friday 😆 I wasn't feeling it anyway as he mentioned some things money wise that made me think he didn't really have funds to go out and do stuff so it was never going to go anywhere but i think it's clear it wasn't me that just unmatched last time 😆

Chatting with another iron, done an hour phone call and date arranged for next weekend. Will keep you posted

Slothmomma

your a machine lady ! I’m quite impressed how you cheerily keep trucking on

NoDatingForOldMen

its a shame that it ended at your end with no formal completion or Understanding why
did Mrs show ever revert or has she faded into the ether ?

its kind of the same this end , I faded First then he faded me back
but sometimes our silence is loud
very sad really

im also taking a break but let’s see if our sap rises come spring time

Ilovemycatalot

ive used Tinder - one word - VOLUME
never seen so many men
and if you travel when using it you get local men
so might try when I travel in 2023 😉

then I tried Hinge and met someone , and met some nice men suprisingly
I’d recommend Hinge but maybe best in cities

im possible trying FEELD next
thats a more casual app but that’s kind of what I can offer given the limited time I have so let’s see

@Thisisworsethananticpated I suppose I've become a bit blasé about it now. I just want to date someone to do fun stuff with on my childfree time so got to be in it to win it. I don't let the set backs bother me anymore as I'm not looking for love

Slothmomma

yeah . If I’m being honest with myself I definitely caught some ‘love’ feelings for Balkan , which is why I had trepidation all of last year as given his issues he wasn’t a viable love partner

there is no point in lying to myself
I did love him in a funny way

this year I want more experiences and agree that sometimes a date is just a fun way to get out , meet people and do shit

I’m like you Slothy. When I go into the dating thing I move fast and don’t regret unmatched or whatever. It’s like a job in my opinion
I needed to multitask irons and check possibilities. I think it’s important not to take anything seriously. Once you have met someone you can really start thinking whether you like this person a bit or no

Worsy…you know I believe Balkan felt the exact same for you. Sometimes is not the right time for anyone involved. You will feel better soon and will want to have fun. Patience

Mila14
yeah 😭
I know that on a base level he had alot of feelings for me , I do know that 🙁

I saw my girls friends yesterday and my friend said she felt sorry for him , as on some level he might never get to sort his issues out
I hope he does but …..

im like a terrior with any issues as I’m made that way - but ive had a lot of acess to things like MN , education , emotional intelligence training , therapy , pod casts

so an issue comes up and I attack it

I don’t think men get acess to all that in the same way that we do ?
look at your Mr Ex languishing right now and drinking

also we have to ! We’re single mums
the buck stops with us

i literally attack mental health issues !!! as they are a threat to my family

Completely right Worsy…we do have resources and choose to battle to keep our mental health up and stay positive.
Ive had massive issues with my teen Mrs Perfect daughter yesterday and today…she’s totally hormonal and with exams 😱…keeping peace here between assorted teens…
MrEx has come back today with “I love you very much and I know I’m not myself lately blah blah”… I’m just getting tired of not having proper unadulterated fun partner. I already deal with a heck of a lot and I’m losing faith he’s really ever going to control his mess…anyway. Rant over. I’m quite happy I found this thread. It has been invaluable when I dated OLD and invaluable now that I’m back in a relationship

Found this on Reddit
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/jan/28/62-dating-green-flags-that-shout-this-ones-a-keeper

it’s a bit too many green flags I think…also things change over time…I used to have fucking awful relationship with stbxh when I started dating Mr Ex 7 years ago. Now I get on a lot better ( but carefully) whereas he has gone from ok relationship to a non speaking terms…

Other green flags I disagree. I would not date someone who is not in linked in and is an educated professional for example. It’s the Guardian so there’s a slant on the green flags but a lot of the article makes sense

Bumble reached a new low for me this morning… I was matched with a 55 year old stripper… yep!! Some things you just cannot unsee…

@Mila14 thanks for asking - all is kind of ebbing and flowing here, still seeing them both although there was a slight lull in proceedings with MrN a few weeks ago - mostly him panicking that he can't give me 'what you deserve' - and me as ever still confused about what it is I'm looking for or need really.
I'm stupidly busy and have two full-on teens at home too, so for now I feel like I'm grateful to have my two part-time boyfriend/lover type things going on but it only works because both of them are great communicators and not game-players at all. I think this year will be interesting in terms of seeing how it all pans out. When things are good they are great; on the other hand it is definitely NOT perfect and I'm learning all the time how to navigate this slightly wonky polyamorous set up.

I saw MrM last weekend (followed by MrN ahem) and he had revealed he had also started seeing another person in an open, non-monogamous way - it's all interesting to discuss, I was not jealous and never am of the thought of him with someone else, but it did cause some twinges of feeling when I found out she lived around the corner from him so would no doubt see him more regularly. As it turns out in the great ENM rollercoaster of life, after spending the weekend with me she has now decided an open relationship is not for her and so they've gone back to being friends. So we are back where we started, sort of .

I am not surprised you are having second thoughts about MrEx but it sounds as though you need to go through this iteration as you say, in order to take the rose-tinted glasses off about him. If you go back on OLD, you will no longer be thinking he's there in the background as 'the one that got away'.

Indeed… he didn’t get away…I… on the other hand might because once it’s too much drama…there’s less and less there for me. He’s hanging by a thread really

@ibelieveinmirrorballs …Mr N telling you he’s not able to give you what you deserve means he’s not in love and will not be. I think the question is whether you can be with 2 guys who will not be in love with you and are mostly FWB… only you know what works for you and makes you happy. I’m in teenager mayhem too…I still need someone in love with me, it makes me happier. Mr Ex loves me very much , knows and understand my kids well and supports me although he’s a mess right now. The problem is that I am falling out of love and I can’t help it…I’m losing faith 😳. Time will tell

she just dumped me really, felt like out of the blue, but reflecting on it & maybe she had enough of me 🤷🏼, in a cold light, I was probably the better partner in terms of availability / flexibility and was the one who could afford to pay for trips out that she probably couldn’t afford, but who knows.

I suppose that’s always going to be an issue with those open types of relationships, if someone you are with meets another person, how do you deal with those feelings that they might like the other person more, or see them more ?