Dating Thread 238 - Sex, Beer and Sausage Rolls (for the lucky ones!)

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Hi All welcome to a shiny new thread as we proceed into 2023 with support for those riding the rollercoasters of the world of dating.

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Just caught up.

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss so jealous but in a good way!! Go you, have everything crossed for you 🤞🏻

it’s a definite red flag 🚩 for me that the dude is posting wedding pictures and lied about being divorced @Ihaveateenager - he’d go in the bin.

I don’t want a 3rd date with MrSilverFox, just no spark but as he asked when I was with him I couldn’t say no. So need to extract myself from that one. Nicely.

MrWallSex seems to be blowing hot and cold, wants a 2nd date, but isn’t forthcoming with actual times/days. But in lots of contact. He makes me laugh but I just feel he’s a little hot/cold. Plus he has young kids 50% of the time, my kids are adults. He’s funny though.

Chatting to a 3rd guy, who seems nice and wants to meet. Will see how that pans out I think.

@Dhama just drop silverfox a message along lines of "having considered it further I don't think that the connection is there for me so it would be wrong to pursue this further and waste both our times. It was lovely to have met you and I wish you the best of luck in your search". Done

As for Wallsex it sounds to me like he's probably keeping you in reserve whilst he sees whether something else pans out.

Well you can't keep a good woman down. After blocking two total weirdos on POF, I have first date #9 on Tuesday. Neither of us have brought up that it's Valentine's Day 🙄

So, Mr9, bring it on 😂😂😂

I'm not saying anything else 🤐

@Slothmomma that’s a great message thank you!

I think that’s my thoughts about MrWallSex, twice he’s asked if I’m free last minute and actually I’m not, I have a very busy life but also I’m not your booty call either. Making me laugh isn’t going to cut it I don’t think actually. In fact I’m not suggesting or texting going forward. Thank you for actually voicing what I was thinking.

Well done @Definitelycross thadda girl! Back in the saddle immediately for lucky Mr#9

Thanks @Dhama he's lush.
What's the deal with MrWallSex's moniker? I must have missed that briefing note!

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss because he could probably manage it without putting his back out 😂😉

Definitelycross

your’re a 💪 dater !! And on Valentine’s Day too !
what could go wrong 😂

😂😂

But, dear reader, it did go very wrong, very wrong indeed 😳😂

Oh do you know I'm fed up and #9 hasn't once mentioned sex in all our messaging which makes me so pleased.

My mum said - should you say when he arrives, are you put off by my size?

I'm NOT going to do that. I'm not ready for my 600lb life and I refuse to be made to even consider that. Am I right? Or is my mum?
Is this why I've had lots of first dates? Mind you a couple of those I didn't want to see again.

I don't want to overthink this.

You should not say anything about your body @Definitelycross

Your job is to worry about whether you like them!

Hopefully Mr9 will be way more respectful and happy to have a date with you than bad #8 was on date #3

Good luck with it.

Surely if you've got body length shots on your profile only a weirdo would swipe right on you but not be into your body type?

well done Deffy… I hope he’s a good one 😊

I got flowers and card today. Mr Ex is dead busy but has planned a long leisurely lunch at top place. He’s really doing good. Not drinking and exercising a lot. He’s such a beautiful man 🥰
I have changed though… I’m really cool and feel totally in control. I also feel super sexy because he just wants me so much. I’m still seeing what’s happening and assessing. I’m out with my girls tonight for dinner

Sorry, dropping in, as a ex dater who found someone on Tinder last year...

@Definitelycross I'm a size 22-24, so a sizable lass. I always said I was curvy and bbw (although not a huge fan of the term), and never ever apologised for my size. Your Mum, as mine was, may feel size makes you somehow less attractive. I have learnt that the right man will think everything about you is amazing, including the bits we may not like...

Be proud of who you are

Had a first date today, well probably more of a date zero. We went for lunch and then a walk around the lake. He is a nice guy, absolutely no red flags whatsoever, the chat was good and we have stuff in common. But physically speaking, I just don’t think I fancy him. Zero desire to kiss him, and actually found myself taking control of the goodbye to make sure he didn’t try to kiss me as I don’t know what I would have done if he did. I’m guessing this is a bad sign?? In other people’s experiences is it worth another date to see if attraction grows or just can it now? He seems quite keen

@Definitelycross in the nicest possible way, I would ignore that advice from your mum. If you ask the question you are basically indicating to him that it’s something you are insecure about and therefore you expect it to be a problem for him, when it’s probably not even something that has occurred to him. No need to assume he is a twat from the outset unless he shows you otherwise.

Ignore your mother. She is a product of the 19th century patriarchy telling her a woman’s worth is about shape. Find someone who fancies you for your inside as much your outside. And Go You getting back out there. I admire your fortitude, after your run of bad luck. I had to work to stick with it after Pug and it was a bit gruelling at times.

MrPottery has previously said my hobby and my smarts (I’m a bit of a science geek) make me hot. Today, he remarked that if he had to only keep my intelligence or my figure he’d choose my intelligence. And he goes on and on about my body (in a good way. Like @Mila14 It makes me feel awesome that someone finds me so hot. Today he said it was like having his own custom-taste page three model. I’m definitely no model, but he sees me quite differently)

Having said that, sex is now off the menu for the foreseeable with MrPottery. An ex of his may possibly have an STI (or maybe just recurrent yeast infections, she isn’t yet sure), and he won’t consider allowing me anywhere near his penis until he’s totally sure he doesn’t. No issue for me, as we’re using condoms, and he’s happy to continue with oral for me (and won’t consider blow jobs either, until he’s clear, the darling man!) but just goes to show you need to be careful out there, Datees. I will get tested as well, just in case. I was thinking of bringing it up, anyway.

Mapleunicorn

sadly if the chemistry isn’t there …. Don’t force it
I’ve tried
and regret wasting their time

Thank you for all the positive comments especially who said you'd be bringing a body issue to his attention.

That's the thing for one of the first times in my life I'm ok with me. I could be slimmer and more toned but I'm a size 16/18 5'8" woman.

I know I'm good looking. Sorry if that sounds braggy but I am. I've got a very quick humour and a great ability to put people at their ease quickly.

I think I'm quite a catch. But if you're looking for a Lara Croft type person then no that's not me.

Anyway lots of messaging with #9 he has a very good sense of humour totally in line with mine. So, who knows- but I'm going to give it a go. Nothing to lose

😂😂😂 remind me of that when I come back crying

Thank you so much ❤️

@Definitelycross i don’t think that sounds braggy at all. I think it sounds like a woman who is self assured and knows her own worth. I would imagine that’s probably a pretty attractive trait!

I think (kind of answering everyone here) that you have to be the best person that you can be. But that does NOT mean the slimmest or fittest or best hair or amazing make up or anything like that. If you want to be slimmer/whatever for YOU, then make changes and get slimmer. But don’t do it for anyone else.

For every man looking for a petite blonde bombshell (or whatever the perceived current beauty standard is) there’s another looking for a bigger woman who doesn’t wear makeup. Every man and woman is looking for something different. You can’t possibly know what that is so don’t even try. Just be clean, happy, confident, as healthy as you can etc.

Think about yourself - do you only swipe on gym men with muscles? Of course not. My ideal man is scruffy and with a short beard. Imagine if that man dressed up in a suit and shaved his beard off because he thought he ought to present himself better on dating apps? I’d left swipe him not realising that actually he might be my ideal man.

So don’t worry about your weight or anything else with regards to dating. Just make yourself happy and that happiness will radiate from you and be attractive.

Here here to all the statements about being proud to be your true self when dating. We can't be everyone's special someone and it's really all about finding someone who thinks you are The Best and you vice versa.

Mr8 was a condescending nobhead for being so rude about wonderful confident @Definitelycross body when it was not his place to do so revealing himself to be a horror despite initially coming across as a fine man. He wasn't.

@Mapleunicorn … you don’t fancy the guy and there’s no chemistry. Be kind and let him go
Deffy just enjoy yourself and your fabulousness and as we all know… everyone has different taste and find different types and shapes their thing. I don’t think your mum was serious about her suggestion. Go and have fun

You go girl @Definitelycross !!! Onwards and upwards. Keeping everything crossed for no 9…

@Mila14 .. I hope that your weekend with MrEx went well..

Inspired by @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss success, I have gone back on the apps…

is it me or are there lots of blokes who go on about themselves and don’t ask any questions? I have given up asking questions and then getting paragraphs about themselves…

Completely agree re body shapes. I'm not slim by any means but (most of the time) confident in my own skin. It's been a revelation to my bf and he finds it very sexy,

@Definitelycross - I love that you're on to the next. Last guy was an idiot.

Oh @Mollymolloy don't get me started about the many many many fellas who don't ask sodding questions. It's my #1 pet peeve and it's not to be tolerated I now realise as always end up looking back thinking "Yeah he never was actually interested in Me at all was he"! It's a huge red flag and an instant bin off from me and for good reason.

I do think a lot of women are also like this too as see it in my office but obviously only see it on my dating adventures with men.

Be wary I was inspired by @beepbeepme (hope you are ok) when I persisted with the apps as wanted what she'd seemed to have found with the darstardly (?) MrBike.
My loins are girded.

Happy monday all, trying to keep up as this thread moves quickly. Our plans for our nights away changed due to a funeral he had to attend in Scotland. He asked me to go too so we ended up away for 4 nights, longest together so far and had lovely chilled time. Lost my wee kitten while away and was devastated and he was so kind. One thing came up though that has thrown me slightly. First night away he confided that he needs a "break" between sessions. We have a great time physically and usually see each other twice a week so this threw me a bit. I am glad that he feels comfortable enough to talk to me but it I feel a bit reluctant now about being physical in any way in case its the wrong time....he is very unselfish so I'm in no way neglected. Am I overthinking this???

Thank you. Yes. Had lovely time 😊.
Enjoy your swiping and take it easy lovely 😊. Mothership is awaiting your iron news!