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Original poster

Dating Thread 238 - Sex, Beer and Sausage Rolls (for the lucky ones!)

1000 replies

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 20/01/2023 09:57

Hi All welcome to a shiny new thread as we proceed into 2023 with support for those riding the rollercoasters of the world of dating.

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

  1. Develop a thick skin.
  2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  4. Trust your gut instinct.
  5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  6. Know your worth.
  7. If it's not fun, stop.
  8. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

OP posts:
Mila14 · 10/02/2023 10:44

Yes. There is life after a sexless marriage. Don’t worry. It is possible you need a bit of sex fun before you commit to a relationship… it’s up to you to decide what you want. You can also make new friends and get a new life that feels good to you. Being in a loveless relationship is soul destroying and not enjoying your sex life is a real pity. Don’t worry and start dating if you feel like

Mila14 · 10/02/2023 10:53

Oncey…I know exactly what you feel about Mr Cars. Please don’t let it ruin your day or a minute of your happiness. I think you were very kind breaking up with him but he’s a strange person now. I would just block him. And then delete his contact. You need to concentrate on Mr Maker and not be brought down by strange ex person. He was not your boyfriend and you only had a bit of time with him. You really tried tp like him. You couldn’t. End of story

5thWisdom · 10/02/2023 11:07

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 10/02/2023 07:38

Yes @DrivestraightuptheA1 and @ForestLilac OLD is an amazing facility giving access to some great people but you have to be really good at screening out the ones that aren't for you. For me that means 756288657 left swipes for every one right (I've only ever been on Tinder and Bumble as couldn't stand POF or Match) and of those ones a large percentage will be rubbish at chatting or will vanish or will proceed to a first phone call and be self centred monologuists or will proceed to a first date and not be your sort.

You've got to be in it to win it as the saying goes but also to have nil expectations and make the rest of your life fabulous and fulfilling too so joining gyms, clubs etc

This is my take on it. I've been OLD for five years now with a two year pandemic shaped gap and have had a lot of fun times with blokes I otherwise would not have met but none have really been my type of person when I look back. Have had some serious upsets too (ghostings and dumpings after being lovebombed by narcissistic types) some great sex but also some naff sex too.

I'm just ever grateful it exists. I envy the teens of today having it too. I'm sure I wouldn't have settled for my mad & bad XH in the mid 90s after a two year break of OLD had been invented. As it was my biological clock was ticking loudly and no one better had landed in my lap.

Now here's a Q for the mothership

Ex irons - I want to block one of mine (Cars) as his messages annoy the shit out of me. We met up last night for a thing he bought me tickets to. Reminded me how irritating I find him and couldn't get away quick enough
He doesn't message very often but each time he does my heart sinks and I'm back to feeling irked by whatever he's said. Literally everything about him grates. He reminds me of my dad and granddad. I feel mean for even thinking of blocking him but we are done (2 months from start to end 9 x get togethers in total I think ended in early Jan). Or should I just let him message and be slow to reply and know he'll fade away eventually.

Big sleepover date with the very lovely and very keen MrMaker tonight on our weekiversary. 1st date was last Fri which seems like months ago. We are both very excited and I'm nervous but know it will be fine after some wine. My brain keeps going to imagining him naked in the most inopportuno moments (work video calls mainly)
Eeeeek!

I think if it's got to that stage with Mr Cars and he's affecting your mood etc, block him. It's your life, your phone, and you get to decide who can contact you or not.

Clean break. Move on.

As for the pedestal, take care. Sensible head on, don't get swept up in it. Hopefully he's not OTT with it and is just excited to have met fabulous you!

My experience is that they build you up to the extreme, then to drag you down when you cannot humanly live up to their unrealistic expectations and then you just end up living one big apology and trying to make it up to them for disappointing them so awfully.

But I know you know that.

Keep us posted on how this evening goes. Everything crossed for you x

Original poster
OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 10/02/2023 11:56

Thanks guys.

MrMaker is just happy to have met someone who thinks and behaves like him and finds him funny and attractive. Doubly so as he thinks the same of me. He's not doing mad declarations of perfection or soul mates. I'll eat my hat if he turns out to be anything other than a genuinely great bloke.

Can't wait to do X-rated adult activities with him ce soir.
Will be quite sad if there's unwanted ED or a caterpillar/chipolata to play with. Will make the best of such things as always but fingers crossed we are, ahem, physically compatible 🙏🤞🙏🤞🙏🤞🙏🤞

OP posts:
Mila14 · 10/02/2023 12:40

I like it you really fancy him Oncey…you didn’t fancy MrCars and that was a problem in the end. Just enjoy and relax. And we are here to support you all the way

DrivestraightuptheA1 · 10/02/2023 13:01

I just swipe left on all of them! That’s my problem. I’m a bit fussy! Maybe I should chill a bit.

NoDatingForOldMen · 10/02/2023 13:02

Will be quite sad if there's unwanted ED or a caterpillar/chipolata to play with

size is just whatever Mother Nature gave us , the little blue pills work well for ED ( so a friend told me…🥸)

DrivestraightuptheA1 · 10/02/2023 13:04

Does everyone have their OLD preference for distance set locally or do you have it nationally? I’m beginning to think my aversion to men in my local area is a lot to do with just that…they are local! I’m in the north east and hate north east accents (mine is very mild). On the other hand, I love southern male accents.

I would move for the right man! My children are about to flee the nest and I have no other family here. My new job is also remote (from London) with a few overnight stays around my allocated patch (that could be changed depending on where I end up).

Thisisworsethananticpated · 10/02/2023 13:09

DrivestraightuptheA1 · Today 13:04

this is where tinder helps
it’s by far the biggest app so you get local ‘likes’ when you travel and can cast the net

bear in mind that the distance might not work for them

Original poster
OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 10/02/2023 14:18

Thanks @NoDatingForOldMen
The last time I had liaisons with an ED sufferer I was all about working around it but he binned me off a couple of months in - we never talked about it and had some deeply (<<<< pun not intended!) unsatisfactory sessions.

I've got a strong hunch that MrMaker wouldn't have been bold enough to suggest a 1st sleepover for our weekiversary if Mother Nature had cursed him with a wee willy winkie.... Surely not 🤔

Mothership will be updated when hopefully I'll be all ☺️ after tonight's bug date.

OP posts:
Original poster
OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 10/02/2023 14:24

Big not bug. Obvs.

OP posts:
Mila14 · 10/02/2023 15:11

I like it …bug date. Enjoy your bug date 😂😂😂…I have the feeling Mr Maker is sure enough of himself… don’t worry 😉

Slothmomma · 10/02/2023 15:41

Good luck with the big date @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss 😁

OLDstolemybrain · 10/02/2023 15:48

good luck @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss!

Mollymolloy · 10/02/2023 16:39

Good luck @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss …. Looking forward to the update!!!

Eeksteek · 10/02/2023 18:37

MrPottery can have a little trouble with ED. He was totally upfront about it, and keen to reassure me it’s nothing to do with me. We simply take advantage of whatever is available in any given moment, and the rest of the time I get different attentions. Which I somewhat prefer. It doesn’t impact on my enjoyment at all. In fact, I’d say there is far more focus on my pleasure than his as a result, poor man (he claims to have no complaints!) and for much longer, too. No wonder I like him so much!

Mila14 · 10/02/2023 18:42

Eeky…from Mr. nothing 2 Pugs to this…😈😈😈😈😂😂😂

Ihaveateenager · 10/02/2023 19:31

Hello I am new here.
I met my iron on OLD, we are exclusive so I will call him Mr.S.
when we first met last year his dating profile and then later when we exchanged info his social media accounts all say he is divorced. He recently dropped into conversation he is only separated but I know he is living alone as I have obviously been to his house.
I said I wasn’t comfortable with him not being divorced and he said no he would not be getting a divorce and he never wants to marry again.
Is this a red flag?
I have been in two abusive marriages already.
Thank you for reading
I will catch up with the thread it is really helpful reading everyone’s experiences.

ForestLilac · 10/02/2023 19:38

Well thanks everyone, I’m definitely going to try to keep up with the thread.

@SortingItOut I think my hobbies are a part of the problem. I’m an introvert and if I spent all weekend alone with no human interaction I’d be quite happy really. I’m very unfit and I’ve got an old trainer thing (don’t know the name) so I’m going to start using that and see if it helps. I’d like to go in walks at the weekends, there are a few groups on Facebook I’ve joined but the walks they go on are really quite far and hilly, it’s not fair on the others to go on those and slow down the pace of the whole thing.

And I’m trying to get back into reading, although it’s just this moment occurred to me I could look for a book club or something.

I don’t drink and don’t go to pubs, I wouldn’t mind going to one of those pubs you can just sit and have a good chat in, but they’re not the kind of pubs where you meet men are they? 😆

So that leaves the apps, and I hate them. Anyone I think I might be interested in doesn’t reply, and I get messages from people I’m not wanting to chat with 🤷‍♀️.

This guy I met last week is about 15 years younger than me. I know it’s fine, just numbers etc and I’m sure there are a long list of slebs you can all put here with age gap women older relationships but when I look in the mirror and I look knackered and then there’s this young guy with zero wrinkles I do think it’s maybe a bit much? I don’t know really. The conversation was great though. It flowed, it was interesting, there were no awkward bits.

ForestLilac · 10/02/2023 19:42

Ihaveateenager · 10/02/2023 19:31

Hello I am new here.
I met my iron on OLD, we are exclusive so I will call him Mr.S.
when we first met last year his dating profile and then later when we exchanged info his social media accounts all say he is divorced. He recently dropped into conversation he is only separated but I know he is living alone as I have obviously been to his house.
I said I wasn’t comfortable with him not being divorced and he said no he would not be getting a divorce and he never wants to marry again.
Is this a red flag?
I have been in two abusive marriages already.
Thank you for reading
I will catch up with the thread it is really helpful reading everyone’s experiences.

If it helps I’m still married. There is no financial benefit to me divorcing plus it would cost me money to do so.

Our marriage was a paperwork/legalities thing, I don’t attach any emotional thing particularly to legal paperwork and it doesn’t mean that I’m not ready for some new relationship or great romance.

Maybe he’s like that too? Be wary though, some people stay married because they still have strong emotional attachments there.

NoDatingForOldMen · 10/02/2023 21:18

Eeksteek · 10/02/2023 18:37

MrPottery can have a little trouble with ED. He was totally upfront about it, and keen to reassure me it’s nothing to do with me. We simply take advantage of whatever is available in any given moment, and the rest of the time I get different attentions. Which I somewhat prefer. It doesn’t impact on my enjoyment at all. In fact, I’d say there is far more focus on my pleasure than his as a result, poor man (he claims to have no complaints!) and for much longer, too. No wonder I like him so much!

I can have the same kinda issue, I just put it down to my age, I don’t want to say it was when there was a expectation to perform, but it got into my head sometimes, I’ve used the pills as kind of back pocket reassurance, even if you don’t need them if gives you something to fall back on.

Eeksteek · 10/02/2023 21:35

I suspect worry is part of it. He really shouldn’t though. It not an issue in the least. He’s skilled, and considerate and generous with his skills which is FAR more important to me. I haven’t suggested viagra. I’m happy.

Ihaveateenager · 10/02/2023 23:23

@Mollymolloy i think you mean Matthew Hussey. I follow him too on Facebook

Ihaveateenager · 10/02/2023 23:31

@ForestLilac thanks. I was concerned because during our time dating in the last few months he has reposted his wedding photos on social media, odd thing to do whilst separated and dating exclusively with me.

Ihaveateenager · 10/02/2023 23:33

One more thing. MrS does not post any photos of us in fact has never taken a photo of me or us in 6 months together

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