Dating Thread 238 - Sex, Beer and Sausage Rolls (for the lucky ones!)

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Hi All welcome to a shiny new thread as we proceed into 2023 with support for those riding the rollercoasters of the world of dating.

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

He lives in another city. Staying with family due to an injury. This then began to sound like Mr Boxer scenario. So ends up on Tinder in my catchment area.

He leaves tomorrow for his hometown. He suggests a catch up this evening.
I agree. We go back and forth and it becomes clear that he's after a booty call. Not actually interested even in meeting up just for a catch up or to get to know me.

I wasn't in the mood for that. I haven't seen the bloke in years. I told him that. He accepted it. Then said if I was ever in his hometown to call him. He gave me his number, even though I didn't ask for it. I gave him mine as I had no intention of making first move to contact off Tinder.

He's just messaged me now.

So my achievement today is to gain a booty call / pen pal in a certain city if I so choose one.

Massive shame because he's hot.

The joy of OLD.

Is this the high school acquaintance? No worries… next!

Fifthie…you know what you want and booty calls is not your thing. I totally understand you

I'm on my period, stressed with work. Under normal circumstances, and non period, I would have been up for a drink and a cuddle and if we fancied each other, with lots of lovely chemistry, happy to get carried away and enjoy that scenario. But blatantly cold booty call or nothing? I deserve more than that at least.

Have a fantastic weekend with Mr Ex @Mila14 … bet you can’t wait!!!

5thWisdom

i know right ! At least pretend to want a few drinks first

do men get laid this way ?

I’m chatting to one man from my 5 mins on Feeld who asked me over for a glass of red as kids are away
clueless

Yes. Been ages because I had kids and I was travelling for work too! But normally we see each other every other week. He’s incredibly busy with work and with DC. We are patient 🥰🙄

😂😂😂

I've heard lots of people say good things about Feeld as people are at least up front and honest about what they want.

We even had a back and forth lunchtime about what we're looking for. I told him, enjoy time spent, dates during child free time, visit places, experiences together. I did not signal ONSs. He said same, with lots of fun with no pressure. Sounded good to me earlier!

He's messaged me again "reminding me" that he's still around if I'm interested. "You know where I am if you need me".

Now he's just screaming of desperation.

My feelings exactly though - do some women just obey to their command and go running?

I told him I'm sure you've got lots of willing participants if that's what he's after.

Maybe with every new match, I should message first and suggest that they pop over for a quickie? I wonder how many would take me up?

I'm being facetious now but I'm beginning to think that that is all we're actually faced with online.

Men wanting free sex with zero effort required.

5thWisdom

stay mates with him , you’ve got history 😂 and ask ?
please

id love to know how often he gets sex this way
it can’t be that often seriously !?

Mila14

enjoy ! And keep him on the straight and narrow

Ffs @5thWisdom that's a bloody shame.

@Mila14 Yes! You finally have some dedicated MrEx time. Alright! Is he being more upbeat and less maudlin now. Will you keep him away from the demon drink? Good luck with it all.

Oh yes.

I also get - I don't think you're ready for a relationship or I can't give you what you need.

But in the meantime how about a quick fuck. Let's face it it's not even warm enough to call it a shag.

Oh well, if that's your bag then work away. But it'd be nice to be able to speak to each other too.

Is that too much?

@Mila14 enjoy your time ❤️❤️❤️

It's fine.

I listened to Vanessa Feltz's podcast with Elizabeth Day yesterday about failing. She talked about her husband leaving her after his affairs and her jumping into dating a matter of weeks afterwards. She said it was a tricky experience but at least it was new trouble rather than dealing with the old, known trauma of her husband.

That resonated in at least this is a distraction from the long lasting pain left there from the one we spent far too long worrying about.

Hi, I keep trying this thread but it’s so fast moving I get left behind.

I hate the apps, but I don’t know how else to meet men. I had a first meet with someone unsuitably young for me last week, but he is really busy that I can’t see anything happening anyway.

So I’m going to concentrate on getting a bit fitter and losing some flab, and maybe going back on the apps in early summer. Then, I need new photos plus a body length one, I’ve only had headshot selfies so far.

And I’m going to read this thread so I learn how to date successfully.

@ForestLilac What hobbies do you have?

What do you do in your spare time?

Do you get out and about much?

I've found the pub is good for meeting new people. But you have to go regularly and chat to everyone. I don't drink but still have a great time playing pool and listening to the band.

Are there any decent men out there?? I can’t seem to find any on OLD (which I shave now left as it is soul destroying).

I’m 50, attractive (so people tell me), in a good job etc. Ended a 23 year marriage in 2020 as there was nothing there (sexless for over ten years - my doing as he was a lot older and I just wasn’t attracted to him in that way). I’ve lost all of my close family members and feeling extremely lonely atm.
I have started to realise that I have missed out on a loving/close relationship and that I married too young when I a bit naive!

Will things get better?

Which I have left not shave!!!

Yes @DrivestraightuptheA1 and @ForestLilac OLD is an amazing facility giving access to some great people but you have to be really good at screening out the ones that aren't for you. For me that means 756288657 left swipes for every one right (I've only ever been on Tinder and Bumble as couldn't stand POF or Match) and of those ones a large percentage will be rubbish at chatting or will vanish or will proceed to a first phone call and be self centred monologuists or will proceed to a first date and not be your sort.

You've got to be in it to win it as the saying goes but also to have nil expectations and make the rest of your life fabulous and fulfilling too so joining gyms, clubs etc

This is my take on it. I've been OLD for five years now with a two year pandemic shaped gap and have had a lot of fun times with blokes I otherwise would not have met but none have really been my type of person when I look back. Have had some serious upsets too (ghostings and dumpings after being lovebombed by narcissistic types) some great sex but also some naff sex too.

I'm just ever grateful it exists. I envy the teens of today having it too. I'm sure I wouldn't have settled for my mad & bad XH in the mid 90s after a two year break of OLD had been invented. As it was my biological clock was ticking loudly and no one better had landed in my lap.

Now here's a Q for the mothership

Ex irons - I want to block one of mine (Cars) as his messages annoy the shit out of me. We met up last night for a thing he bought me tickets to. Reminded me how irritating I find him and couldn't get away quick enough
He doesn't message very often but each time he does my heart sinks and I'm back to feeling irked by whatever he's said. Literally everything about him grates. He reminds me of my dad and granddad. I feel mean for even thinking of blocking him but we are done (2 months from start to end 9 x get togethers in total I think ended in early Jan). Or should I just let him message and be slow to reply and know he'll fade away eventually.

Big sleepover date with the very lovely and very keen MrMaker tonight on our weekiversary. 1st date was last Fri which seems like months ago. We are both very excited and I'm nervous but know it will be fine after some wine. My brain keeps going to imagining him naked in the most inopportuno moments (work video calls mainly)
Eeeeek!

I'm going to log it here that while I don't believe MrMaker is a narcissistic lovebomber as is a genuinely sensitive interested nice man I do think he has put me on a pedestal a bit too early and thinks I am completely fabulous (which, to be fair, I am but have never in my 50 years met a man who sees me as so) and I could therefore take a tumble of said pedestal when he realises I'm not perfect just great.

Maybe this won't happen. I think he's totally fantastic too. But just logging it here for myself really.

DrivestraightuptheA1
ForestLilac

there are many men out there !!

as Oncey said they are few and far between but OLD provides acess to a wider pool than you’d maybe find locally

but resilience is key 😬 and boundaries

ForestLilac- the self improvement plan is a good one , if I look at myself after my ex left and now it’s a major difference - it’s not purely vanity either , the exercise and MH interface is mega

OLD is hard work and it's easy to be put off because there are so many idiots on there.
I've been doing it on and off for 7 years now and I've met some lovely men and many, many unsuitable men.
I'm still friends with 4 men that I dated. One invited me to his wedding last year.

I'm mid 50s and it gets much harder, I think, as you get older. Men seem to prefer younger women so most of the time I feel invisible.

My strategy is to be on all the apps. If I see someone I like the look of, I'll send them a message. Most of the time I get ignored or find they can't hold a conversation and it's disheartening.
Most people are lazy and only look at the first few profiles (pof/match). So you need to log in regularly to stay visible.

I also have the apps in a hidden folder on my phone so I'm not tempted to look at them all day.

But new people sign up every day. It can take months to find just one person who you would like to meet.

No advice, but I love your Username, I use the A1 a lot ( went past the sex club last weekend).

Welcome. This is the best investment you can do for yourself. Get fit and happy with your shape. Good pics and away you go. I’m a great believer in taking time and getting in a good mental and physical shape to date. Best wishes