Dating Thread 238 - Sex, Beer and Sausage Rolls (for the lucky ones!)

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Hi All welcome to a shiny new thread as we proceed into 2023 with support for those riding the rollercoasters of the world of dating.

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@NoDatingForOldMen how are you feeling about seeing Ms NoShow (better not show her face around here as we'd be on her for mucking our guy around).
This!!!!!!!!
For some reasom I visualize Ms Noshow as a younger Camilla Parker Bowles 😁

Definitely second putting recent pics up with no filter. To many women use filters these days and honestly it can make you look like a different person. Same with men need to be truthful and not put old pics up from years ago it’s just catfishing tbh.

Even if your male friend perspective is true @Definitelycross then he was still tactless and rude to actually fucking mention it.

He could have easily said 'You are a wonderful woman but I do not have time for OLD so must end things here' (<<<< as I did with non-lean MrCars) I cannot imagine being the sort of person who calls a virtual stranger out on their physical characteristics not being for them.

I have full length pics on my profile as I'm sure I won't be everyone's type so prefer not to be swiped by those dudes. I have 'dangerous curves' as MrCars used to tell me which I liked.

Spent a lifetime assuming only leggy flat chested blondes were attractive to the opposite sex. Only realised in middle age that 'comfort not speed' build is desirable to many. Great!

I'm going to an event with MrCars today. Feeling a bit tense about the interaction but should be ok.

sorry but this is no friend. I'm not asking him to lie that you're waif thin etc. I would not do type of hurtful analysis paralysis. If this is his summary, I hope it's not how he assess women!

That statement of x would look so thin next to you, just tells you how he thinks( date 8 )

I'm just so shocked at the audacity of men. Like what you like and pursue that. Twat.

Why are people slating Ms NoShow?
@NoDatingForOldMen ended things with her after he was overwhelmed with work and his Mum and had no time for her so she offered him a get out which he took.
She didn't have to answer any messages or calls from him, i expect she was also hurting.

I support thread users but lets not be unfair, us piling on Mr Date8 is justified as he was a wanker.

@SortingItOut I agree I find posters kind of hero worship the lone male voices on threads like this not sure why.

Unlurking to say I don’t know about that re NoShow, @SortingItOut. I don’t dispute the facts that she offered him an out and he took it in the stress of the moment. But Assuming @NoDatingForOldMen did reveal to her the stress he was under re his mum, I would expect a kind and decent person to reach out to him a little bit at least as a friend, not just run away completely. I get the sense that she just doesn’t care about him as a person, just as someone to have sex with and drive her around. I would be delighted to be wrong about that though!

re Mr8, it could be muppetry rather than malice on his part, but whichever way you look at it, any relationship was unsustainable. You can’t start off anything on the basis that ‘you’re ok but not ideal, a few changes and I’ll be happy’. @Definitelycross did absolutely the best thing by walking out.

SortingItOut

i don’t want to look like a sad woman pandering to the one male on the thread 😂
Ilovemycatalot !!

however I recall No Show messed him around a bit in the summer and stood him up at a weekend away , he can confirm this

I have a very good memory ! And need to get a life

my ex was also anxious so I could see human traits - also rather selfish behaviour on her part

Christ, I hope my last post isn’t construed as hero worship! I guess I identify with @NoDatingForOldMen as I’m going through the same thing: DF very poorly and taking up a lot of my time, most friends and family very happy to run a mile from both me and him. It’s very isolating.

I agree @BaddogGooddoggy NoShow could have maintained radio contact at a time when he fella was under a lot of miserable stress but didn't.

@Ilovemycatalot not sure where you are getting hero worship from. He's just part of the mothership collective he's treated the same as the rest of us

Definitelycross

i hope your feeling less bruised today
you didn’t need this

I’m currently really pausing as I need to look at what I go for , what I accept , boundaries

many parallels between my ex and my ex ex in their ways (not alll)

in fact I’m freaked enough that I’m pausing and I’m too scared as I don’t trust myself anymore

so maybe your filters are skewed , I’m not blaming you at all
I know it’s crushing x

but worth thinking about as you don’t need this

OMG.

Hugely outing if he reads the Dating thread on Mumsnet but chances are he doesn't haha and I need to share with mothership.

I halfheartedly joined Tinder this morning and swiped for around 20 mins. First time since coming off last December in despair. Same old same old.

But now, just this second on my lunch...

I've just matched with an old school mate. He would definitely have recognised me as I've aged well (truth not a brag). He used to be one of those ones that everyone liked. Cool and out of reach to those less cool ones.

I actually didn't recognise him as that person when I initially swiped as he's aged a bit but he's now recognised me and just started a chat and it's jogged my memory!

Matching with a real life known person is something I wasn't prepared for.

I'm terrified. He's lovely. All he said was "long time no see" type thing. So friendly tone.

What do I dooooo?!

Fifthie…arrange a date for old time sake. You fancy him and know him from your past. It’s win win… propose a drink together and get ready to talk about life after you were in school!! 👍🏻😊

@Mila14 @SortingItOut Thank you for the advice on what to wear. I am just going to be me.
None of my pictures are filtered - some are this months and some are a year old but I'm lighter than I was. Generally I have been told I look better IRL than in my photos but I am ever so nervous of men's expectations.

You will be fine lovely 🥰 best wishes

I was dumped, out of the blue, under similar circumstances to NoDatingForOldMen (elderly mother seriously ill for months).
I needed the support of my partner and he just decided he'd had enough. He could've asked for a break or what he could do help. But instead he just ended an 18mth relationship and refused to discuss it further.

So I would have little sympathy for Ms NoShow. To walk away and ignore him when he was under stress is quite cruel.

So if your partner/FWB ended things because life was stressful and busy would people still stay in contact and offer support?
Given that the 'relationship' was very up and down (and possibly one sided) would we really expect Ms NoShow to step up?

I still don't think she is 100% to blame especially as @NoDatingForOldMen ended it. He wasnt forced into that.
Both sides didn't express their needs and hoped the other could be a mind reader and step up.

Hopefully after a chat things might be better between them but not being able to express needs doesn't bode well for the future.

@5thWisdom that's a fantastic opportunity and of course you suggest an irl catch up to find out how the years have treated him. He might be a middle aged nob.

@Definitelycross I can't stop thinking about you and also glad #8 didn't keep you being smitten until after he'd had his wicked way with you THEN tell you he doesn't fancy you.

Maybe this is what my MrMaker has in store for me this weekend 😳
That's got to be a worse

Stop it Oncey. Deffy was very unlucky and I have never heard anything like this before. The guy had other issues I think . You go and enjoy yourself and don’t worry about a thing please
Im seeing MrEx finally this weekend 😊 and next week too…❤️😈

Noooooooo
It most definitely won't happen to you. I have been spectacularly unlucky.

God please don't. Mr8 was out on his own. I still believe he thinks he's done nothing wrong

But now I think that's why I've had 8 one date wonders 😂😂😂
Oh fuck I'm not really laughing I'm pissed off but hey what can you do??

5thWisdom

go for it
its a drink
what could go wrong 😂

@SortingItOut yes you are correct I actually wanted her to step up and support me when I needed it & she didn’t.

do I think she she is a mind reader ? No.

did I expect more from her ? Yes.

@Definitelycross you dodged one hell of a bullet there lovely!

I’ve heard some date horror stories from my friends but never anything like that - that man obviously has serious issues which are not linked to you in any way.

you carry on being your fabulous self. Bring on #9 when you’re ready!

Yes I’ve been in that situation and I have offered support (ex got in touch with some terrible news, I made sure he knew I was a listening ear). It came naturally. When someone reaches out from a bad place, you don’t just ignore them, surely?

Another non-date to report.