Dating Thread 238 - Sex, Beer and Sausage Rolls (for the lucky ones!)

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Hi All welcome to a shiny new thread as we proceed into 2023 with support for those riding the rollercoasters of the world of dating.

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

☺️

Well done for not showing that he's upset you. Well done for removing yourself from that situation.

Does he think that everything is still the same between you two and will he, in his mind, be expecting to hear from you again?

I don't even think there's any point in trying to explain to him why this is over. Don't even bother trying to educate this man into decency.

I'm seeing this as him positioning himself 'above' you, like he's doing you an effing favour - and the belittling, undermining, trying to change you starts.

Disengage and save yourself a vast amount of your time and emotions.

@5thWisdom no I think he was under no illusions that it's no way back.

It's strange the way you put it. My STBXH positioned himself the same.

No I'm just very hurt, sad and feel like a bit of a dick.

@Definitelycross a wanker is quite literally all this man will ever be. #teamroundandproud 👯‍♂️

I'll say it again - Do NOT allow him to the be the judge of you and your worth.

He's nothing, has shown himself to be a hideous, shallow person and his opinion of you doesn't need to even register, let alone be heard or taken on board.

Forget he exists.

Definitelycross

im sorry sweetheart
I have no idea how that came up even as a topic of conversation
hugs 🫂
hate it when people hurt people

he’s a negger
nasty side of his character

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK @Definitelycross
!!??????!!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

I'm completely horrified to read about this abrupt end to your dalliance with #8 and so very shocked and sorry for the hurt he had caused you.

If my iron of 2 handsy dates with plenty of text/phones and an expectation that more was on the cards said this I'd be out immediately.

He must have known it was a hurtful shallow thing to say. How on earth did he even say it?

Why would you even say it if he was a decent person he would have still made you feel beautiful but he was not ready for a relationship or some such thing rather than him body shaming.

I know we say it a lot here but you really truly have dodged a nasty bullet with this one before you got further smitten. He is a dick who revealed him to be so by saying whatever he said and for meeting you again too. What a nob time waster. I bet he got a kick out of it.

You are tremend whatever your body shape and size.

Feel the rage and think of the qualities of him you'd like to see on other men without the callous bastard bit. There's an infinite pond of other potential irons who will be glad you've binned this one off to give a more appreciative one a chance.

@NoDatingForOldMen
I'm glad you've said what you said and I think we like the honesty on this thread. You are right MrMaker would have seen me and my big arse and big boobs walk across the bar floor to the loo where we were sitting on our first date and lots of thigh fondling under his coat in the cinema on Monday. He's not expecting me to be anything other than the size i am (16)

I'm always nervous before first sleepovers. It's natural I think. I'll keep changing the narrative to excited and if he turns out to be of the same sort as Deffy's #8 then it's toodleooo to him and a 'Next'.

Blimey @Eeksteek you really were all revved up and ready for it after your Pug non-activity weren't you. Lucky MrPottery for being on the receiving end of that. I love that he makes you laugh. It's the best. And the hot sex too.

Here here @Thisisworsethananticpated @5thWisdom @Stepcount

#teamroundandproud 🥰

Team roundandproud here too!

I've found that there are plenty of men like @NoDatingForOldMen and never once has anyone complained. @Definitelycross he was a knob who was trying some sort of power trip with you. He would have seen your size after the first date (if not in pics) and if it wasn't for him (which he is entitled to think) then any decent person would have just said don't think we're suited etc. He did want you to be grateful to him. Warped twat. Forget him, he's not worth your headspace 🤗

Chatted with new iron for over hour and half last night (didn't finish call till midnight so shattered now 😄). I'm still keen and think he is - he's checked in this morning 😁

what happened?? Deffy??

@Mila14 we're all outraged for @Definitelycross as Bad #8 (#Hate more like) weirdly told her during the date that she was (or might be) too fat for him so she quite rightly ended the date and walked out with her self confidence in tatters. This was a guy she could really see things progressing with and was falling for. Just goes to show as the rules say. It's all BS until it's proved not to be.

I am full of rage at this on behalf of Deffy and all of us who carry a bit of weight but are still 100% fabulous

As someone else says it's not about having the private opinion that you don't fancy someone as we've all been there it's the leading them on plus telling someone to their face that their body doesn't do it for them.
Who does that? Only total dickheads.

Ok. Deffy…I don’t understand. You had a first date and snogged and fondled so he had perfect view of your actual shape. I don’t think being fat is his concern. He got cold feet for whatever other reason that HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WITH YOUR SIZE.
That is what I think. Maybe he’s in a relationship or seeing someone else or some crap of that ilk. It if he kissed you and was up for it etc you know he liked you. There is something else so he chose first thing that came to his head…I wouldn’t worry. Please delete the guy

Deffy…also…was this guys 6 pack and 6’2”… I doubt it

@Definitelycross I have had that happen to me too. And it's given me a bit of a complex. It's hard to tell my figure from my photos I think and I'm not posting one on OLD with me in anything too figure hugging. For context I'm really tall and a size 12 and was told that I was a "really big girl" and could I lose a few pounds.
This experience left me paranoid and I find myself warning dates before we meet that I do not have a lean athlete's body but am not overweight. I want to give them a chance to run a mile first.

Had a great chat last night and a meet up arranged. I'm nervous and haven't got a clue what to wear. I don't do jeans so I need to wear a skirt/dress but I can't do heels as there is walking involved, plus I am tall. What do people wear to a casual meet up?

Thank you all

I've woken up more angry now than sad.

Looking back I could see from the start of the 'date' that things weren't right with him compared to the first two.

This opinion was said under the guise of wanting me to be healthy. There was also something else said, I'm sorry I don't want to say it on a public forum, that was incredibly judgemental about me. Again his perception and could not be further from the truth.

I still don't understand. First date he saw me, kissed me, hugged me. Second date things were a bit more than kissing then BAM I mean seriously???

As I said I thought he was messing around at first then when I realised 'X is a lovely person but they are so fat they would make you look skinny' I walked.

I'm bruised but, not to be arrogant, I know I'm a very good looking woman and I have an hourglass figure. Maybe I attract controlling people? I don't know.

You sound gorgeous. I'm really tall and have a figure like Nigella was at the start. I tell people I'm made for comfort not speed.

I'm so sorry to you and anyone else that has been made to feel they're not good enough, when in fact we are.

My advise for anyone here is have really recent pics and have full body pics too. No filters of any kind. I could not meet a guy who only have headshots and not full body either. You don’t need to alert anyone of anything because they meet the person in the app. I really really don’t think being fat was the issue with Deffy. It was something else that has nothing to do with Deffy.
@Garysmum …please don’t worry and don’t point out insecurities to a first date. No one needs to run a mile. I also think its a good idea to do video call to see if you like each other and not waste time ( and money) going out.
We have already discussed this at length… many men prefer tall ladies and buxom curvy ladies . Just like many women prefer guys with beard or very tall or whatever. We just worry way too much when we really should be fancied madly by someone we also fancy madly.
Deffy you already know my opinion. This has 0 to do with your size.
Ladies…all of us are lovely and irresistible to the right chap for us. Let’s try to date right guys for us. Delete immediately if it doesn’t work and onwards and upwards

@Garysmum …please wear what you feel good and comfortable in. Unlike you I normally wear sky high heels and very figure hugging because I’m very petite. I love seeing taller girls wearing looser clothes and being able to look sexy in flat shoes but I would look like midget wearing a tent!. We wear what feels good on us. You will look lovely 😊

OK last post on this. I got a male friend's opinion

Date 1 - oh she's bigger than I thought but let's see how it goes

Date 2 - she's lovely but I can't get past the body size

Date 3 - I can't deal with it but I can't immediately dump and run

@Garysmum I would wear a skirt, thick black tights and chunky black boots. I don't wear heels on dates even though I am short.

Then a nice top, dress how you feel comfortable.

@Definitelycross or, I'm a negger and I date women who may not be comfortable with their shape so I can put them down (because my own self esteem is shit)
I think it's all about him, and absolutely nothing about you.

@Definitelycross You are perfect how you are.

He is a knob and better you find out early on.

I know its easy for me to say but please try not to take this to heart, his comments were unkind and he is a horrible person.

Thank you all.

As you know I have come out of a lifelong abusive relationship and I really thought I'd found a good one.

No.

But I'm trying to remember it's not me.

What @Justatoe2 said!!!

I think is quite true, I’m 6ft & my only 6 pack is in the fridge but even so the 1st time NoShow and myself met IRL she did comment on how tall I was ( we had exchanged full legs pics ), so she probably thought I was lying about my height..