Dating Thread 238 - Sex, Beer and Sausage Rolls (for the lucky ones!)

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Hi All welcome to a shiny new thread as we proceed into 2023 with support for those riding the rollercoasters of the world of dating.

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Going to get my stuff at the weekend, she wants to chat as well 🤔

NoDatingForOldMen

interesting
i hope you can both be very honest and open

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

liking the sound of this one
and yes Prosecco will help but sounds like chemistry is there

what can go wrong !

I love it you are having fun and the guy has similar parenting issues you can share with him. I think this is key in bonding with a guy. I think you already like the guy a lot. Go without expectations, don’t worry about anything and just enjoy the person you are enjoying talking to for hours. I don’t need to say this but sometimes first time is just getting to know Mr Winkle and getting familiar 😈. Keep enjoying and I don’t think finding someone chatty like you is love bombing seriously
I think I’ve said it here too. I was massively love bombed by MrEx…and we are still an item. Please relax

I think some personal ground rules for me are needed, you're right and the sensible way to go.

Not swiping every moment of the day.

Not replying immediately to any messages.

Not being so open and trusting straight away.

Ugh. I'm too old to be so naive.

Your ex has no right to make any fuss about anything. You both decided to separate. You are moving on and sometimes if the other person doesn’t move on there’s rubbish emerging. I had the same exact issue with stbxh and Mr Ex same after all these years with xw. Ok the kids got seen…so what. This beings happen. It wasn’t planned. Enjoy Mr F lovely 😊

Ohhh… Howlongy…this is good 😊

Sounds lovely.

Nerves are a good sign I think. Turn those nerves into excited butterflies and enjoy!

Stay balanced. Are you still swiping and matching with anyone else? Spreading the risk?! I'm awful at not doing that and zooming in on one early on, so just a thought.

Thanks all. I'm inclined to agree. And a sleepover will just further test compatibility no need to fret it will be what it will be and most likely with two consenting adults delighting in each other fuelled by a few winey bubbles.

Due to this thread I'm worried about snoring and flatulence (mine) but have talked myself into him not being shocked that I am human and if he can't stand any aspect of me physically then I'll be fine. Didn't know he existed a fortnight ago.

@NoDatingForOldMen that's ace news re tools and a chat whether it turns out to be closure or a restart either way it's good. Did you contact her and she got back to you swiftly? Well done for reaching out. Don't forget to let her know you thought her sliding away when your chips were down were a clear sign she wasn't able to support you. Good luck for it.

No @5thWisdom no more swiping here. I'm like you I just don't do that. Sometimes I regret it but would feel duplicitous and frankly not enough hours in the day. I'm a one at a time girl. Always have been. Always will be. I'll eat my hat if he's not the same (but as we know from recent events on this very thread loins should always be girded in readiness for the unexpected)

Nerves now rebranded as full on out of control fanny gallops

@Mila14 love that. Yes it's a first introductory meeting of Mr Winkie and vice versa. No pressure and lots to be excited about.

Ooh lots of good news coming through today!
Interesting name Mr Winkie

Thank you 😊 Ex was such a narcissist I don’t think he can bear to see me happy. God help the next woman he meets 🤦🏻‍♀️

Absolutely spot on - who has the blummin time for that?!

Enjoy enjoy - loving your attitude to this.

This is a positive step. You either get closure or can move forward together if that’s what you want 😊

OLDstolemybrain

try and enjoy your exes misery
bet he feels shit !
sorry that’s not very zen or kind
but karma - ha !

introductory meeting of Mr Winkie

sounds like a character from a Jemima Puddle-Duck book

@5thWisdom your rules sound like a good place to start. I hate the whole process and find it hard to navigate and I am terrible at messaging - partly because when I have time I enjoy it but I am often super busy with work so go very quiet at these times. (This then tends to put people off and when they give me low energy vibes I just feel deflated and can't be bothered.)

Another thing I am trying is not talking to too many people at once. At one stage I was chatting to 15 people over 2 apps. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt at the start. When I go into it thinking all the potential irons must be treated as dishonest liars, I go looking for flaws and reasons why they are not be liked and never get anywhere.

Thanks, after the reading the responses about getting my bits back I pinged over a text yesterday ( about arranging collection), got a quick response with a date suggestion and a can we have a catch up message, so let’s see where that leads

as for snoring and flatulence, No Show carries a bit of extra weight and after a few drinks she could snore like freight train,

@Mila14 , Here is the thing- I don't think you were lovebombed by MrEx. From what I read, there was an intense almost immediate connection that's now lasted several years.

Lovebombing is is a controlling and manipulative tactic most often used by narcissists and abusive people. They seek to quickly obtain affection and attention before tearing their victims down. They may appear charming and exciting in the beginning, but this usually fades away and is replaced with emotional abuse.

I may be cynical but I think those sort of connections ( like you have withMr Ex) are rare and even rarer is the ability to sustain it past the initial heady days once real life ( juggling kids, work, blah blah) comes in it.

We all want to be loved, and dating should be fun, but I am so wary of proclamatioons of the instant he's the one, this is love, having been on this board for 2 years now and seeing how some of these things can go.

Myfabby · Today 14:39

i agree
Mila as you’ve said this is years and years now ! You and Ex

now as we know sadly not all situations with such chemistry last 😭

you two are veterans now !

but I also agree that newer connections need to approached with caution ⛔️
the events of this week bear sad testimony to that

I know what you Worsy and MyFabby are saying. The fact is we were both very vulnerable coming out of failed marriages. We were stupid and trusted the other way too much. The first time we DTD he said “I love you”…all these things look completely mad now. If I was to write in this thread what happened 7 years ago you would call me crazy or beware or caution needed… I think it’s very difficult for these love connections to happen but they do. All I will say is that I believe you can fall in love super fast because it happened to me.
I think, if we are too guarded, too clinical, too cynical , too strong and never let our barrier down…love can not prosper.

I wonder now how much of our love story going crazy was because we were complete naive idiots and opened up completely way too early. Like children really

I am very sure there are men out there and women here who are ready to fall in love and could do so and will do so…

I might be a hopeless romantic…but I want to be in love and I want a man who is in love too.

Hi! Remember me?
God I've missed loads. Life has been so full on just now.

OK, first of all I want to address the part of this thread that talks about liars and how you can get a better feel with their body language in person.

My STBXH was cheating on me for 5 years with another woman, despite constantly denying it (it was the last of many for him) I messaged her, in front of him, asking what she'd say and he didn't bat an eyelid. So, she told me everything. Some people (not just men) are able to lie so easily and then walk away from carnage as if it was nothing to do with them. I've learnt to listen a lot more to my intuition.

First date #7 was so physically attractive but something didn't add up. He said he was separated. Later when we were messaging I asked - did his wife know they were separated? His response - you are out of order and I was henceforth blocked everywhere. Not what you'd expect if you really were separated.

BUT first date #8. Well, I'm scared to say it, but I am very smitten. We have had two dates and a third tonight. We message loads too. I had a bit of a headfuck moment and totally self sabotaged everything and was so worried I'd fucked things up because of my own insecurities. But he is a grown up and so we discussed it and its ok. Well, obviously I behaved like a bit of a dick, but we sorted it out with no ill feelings.

I had a tick list in my head of what I really wanted in a man and he ticks every single box. Obviously this is making me very nervous but at the same time I'm trying to enjoy it too. We both have grown up children so time isn't quite such an issue and I may have a sleepover coming up.

I don't want to say too much, as this is a public forum and so I don't want it to be outing. But yes, Mr8 is very much what I want/need just now. And its lovely. But I'm still being careful and I think he is too.

And on pubic hair. I would laugh like a drain if a man was totally bald downstairs, I'm really sorry but it would remind me of one of those hairless cats. I am going to do a bit of lady gardening but haven't decided quite how much - I haven't had to think of anything like this for too long.

And the kissing, ohmylord, it is just dreamy - fuck I sound like something out of a young adult romance, but it just makes me so happy.

BUT keeping that guard close by at all times.

Nice to be back xxx

PS
@NoDatingForOldMen how are you feeling about seeing Ms NoShow (better not show her face around here as we'd be on her for mucking our guy around).

Oh and if any of you are buying into the total commercial travesty that is Valentines Day (yes I have hahaha!) then there are loads of cards to do with meeting online or on Apps on Etsy. There are some very clever and funny ones on there. Just thought it might help someone.

Definitelycross

im crossing a lot for #8
ce sera , sera
eveyones a dick sometimes
forgive yourself

Mila
after 7 (seven !) years we can allow your genuine love for Mr Ex - joking aside you are part of each other’s lives now
far more solid than some of the liasons in this thread (that’s not a criticism just a fact)

Yes @Mila14 I totally agree with @Myfabby that what you and MrEx had initially although heady and crazy was not the terrible thing that is Lovebombing by bad mad narcissistic men. I've had it once. It's disorientating then heartbreaking.

@Definitelycross you and #8 are in a very similar position and status to me and my new heady iron MrMaker.
Good shout about lady gardening! I shall get those nail scissors to work immediately. Am very much looking forward to spending time with him sans clothes now. Literally can't wait.