Dating Thread 238 - Sex, Beer and Sausage Rolls (for the lucky ones!)

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Hi All welcome to a shiny new thread as we proceed into 2023 with support for those riding the rollercoasters of the world of dating.

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Sorry for XH stunt @JangolinaPitt

MrMaker has invited me to a sleepover at his at the weekend. I have said yes.

[goodfoodjuly]

@beepbeepme

I checked and this was the case, however it doesn't prove anything really.

One of my favourite sayings is when someone shows you their true colours believe them. Mr Bike has blind—sided you. If he's cheated on you once, he will do it again. He screams chancer to me.

Thinking of both posters. The pain from an unexpected ending is so hard because neither seemed to see it coming. I really hope you can both move on from him. Take time to recover. I know the heart ache as do many others on here. There are much better men out there.

Take what you liked about his activities and look for similar in the next. You both deserve so much better. Wish you well.

[5thWisdom]

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

Sorry for XH stunt @JangolinaPitt

MrMaker has invited me to a sleepover at his at the weekend. I have said yes.

Did you have your second date last night? How did it go?

[Mila14]

@unambiguousbeard

Ex poster, long time lurker. It happens, feels too big a coincidence to be true but similar happened to me on the thread. An old iron who I’d been on a date with but didn’t fancy popped up months later as they do and we started messaging and he was very suggestive/sleazy and saying we should go on a date. I followed him on Insta and he’d just been on holiday with someone. A poster on the thread was posting about how she’d met some great guy and they’d been away to the exact same place. There were a load of other details which suddenly rang lots of bells and it was the same guy. I private messaged her to tell her he was messaging me with a view to meeting up but didn’t get thanked for it just got a couple of nasty messages with the implication I was somehow jealous. I really wasn’t. She said she would carry on seeing him rather than believe a random off the internet (even though he was also actually a random off the internet!) About 3 months later saw him on a dating app again unsurprisingly. This thread is read by god knows how many people. It’s not a private WhatsApp group it’s a public thread on a hugely popular forum and it’s easy to forget that. And it really is a small world.

Also I have to say please all reread the thread rules, no one seems to any
more. There’s a lot of nonsensical talk about immediately falling in love on here these days and lots of love bombing and jumping in straightaway from both sides as far as I can see.

Hope both posters concerned are ok, it’s easily done having your head and heart turned by some shitty male. And most of them are shitty sadly.

Thank you for this. I’d rather know I am dating a liar to be honest and shifty character. I would be immensely grateful if another poster would be so kind to enlighten me ( obviously sharing info only I know, like name, where he lives, kids ages etc so we stabilise it’s the same guy)
I think lovely men can lie really well too. Sadly, I have also experienced that myself…seeing a man I considered lovely and super honest lying blatantly to an ex…in front of me…
I think at this stage in life…anything is possible and there is 0 point on blaming the messenger

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

a sleepover ! Hope the getting back on the horse 🐎 (fnar) is good
do you fancy him ?

[Mila14]

@Lovemusic33

Mila14 thank you. I am a big exerciser, I walk every day (almost) mainly to suppress my hyperactivity as I have ADHD. Today I don’t feel like doing much which is unlike me, I have iron tablets here so hopefully they will help and I have contacted my gp for a call back. I took a menopause test a few weeks ago but was negative, I was kind of hoping it would be positive so at least then I could get something to help. It’s been a ongoing issue for years and I have kind of reached the end of the road where hysterectomy is the only option but as I have a disabled dd and no support it’s not really an option. Anyway, feeling awful and aneimic is kind of taking my mind off Mr Cherry. I shall try and get some fresh air before taking my car to the garage later.

Take very good care of yourself. Especially since you have to stay strong for your DD too. Possibly a full blood work can shed more light? I’ve been borderline anaemia in the past and since then, I keep my iron checked. I know one girlfriend that had to have hysterectomy on account of her savage periods in her 40s… she had 0 energy and it affected her in many ways just as she was starting a lovely relationship with a nice man. It affected her moods too more than normal. It’s good to get fully checked 🥰

[Mila14]

@JangolinaPitt

This thread is such a good community - in my case an absolute life saver and am so grateful for the generosity of strangers who give so much headspace and support. I had a real shock today from a stunt pulled by exh which I will post about another time but knowing this group is here is very comforting.

Oh Jangolina… I told you to be prepared for anything regarding divorce with stbxh. I can only tell you once it’s all done you will slowly feel better. Thank goodness Mr Serb is by your side. I had MrEx by my side and it was invaluable help. Concentrate on fighting your corner now. We are here to listen and I am sure nothing will surprise us…sadly

[Mila14]

@Madeforthebeach

Logging back in after a hiatus (and pre that I mostly lurked). Using this thread to take my mind of the apps while I have a break.

Had anyone else forgotten how to vanilla date after being more sex focused?

i get this. I think you want nice warm date and enjoy your time with no sex pressure. I think initially many of us want that but get enormously frustrated if we fancy the man and he’s not making a move to shag us. We can also get bored of too much vanilla date and suspect the guy is not interested sexually on us but just needs company from us. His sexual sight is on someone else…
Just do what you feel it’s right for you and see how it goes. Are you ready now to go back to apps?

[Mila14]

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

Sorry for XH stunt @JangolinaPitt

MrMaker has invited me to a sleepover at his at the weekend. I have said yes.

Oh my goodness Oncey…we expect full report…It’s really progressing with Mr Maker. I like how you are dealing with this iron. You look calm and not anxious at all and I think you fancy him A LOT! 🥰😊

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

Madeforthebeach

good question
I started very sex focussed
And not suprisingly it was a success (if success is the word ) !!!!

Sometimes you can just ignore the sex comments and they get it

sometimes if you don’t respond and they persists, close it down

im not OLD right now but considering in March

problem is I don’t know what I want exactly

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

Lovemusic33

hope you ok despite Cherry sadness

I’m also weirdly wiped (and split from mine last month )
I’m an exerciser and also have an asd son

yet this week my whole body aches , and I don’t know why ! I’m taking every mineral known to man , I’ve restarted HRT

lots of self care

this breaking up isn’t easy and emotions can come out

[NellyTheCake]

I had date last night!
It was a bit last minute but that meant I had no time to get nervous.

He was chatty, funny, good looking. All good.
Except for the wedding ring. His wife died last year. Only a few months ago.

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

NellyTheCake

not one to get any emotional attachment too

shag fine
feeling NO !

[NoDatingForOldMen]

I think initially many of us want that but get enormously frustrated if we fancy the man and he’s not making a move to shag us. We can also get bored of too much vanilla date and suspect the guy is not interested sexually on us but just needs company from us

and women think that men are difficult to understand… 😂

[NoDatingForOldMen]

@Mapleunicorn

Man there is a lot of drama on this thread! I’m sorry for all concerned. Online dating is hard enough without anxiety from people you don’t know. I genuinely hope you both get clarity/closure from whatever the hell
is going on

i have an iron I’m not sure on. Been on a works do tonight and had a few wines. I got a bit ballsy and text him to say he needs to ask me out if we are going to move it forward. I know I could ask him but I want to know if he is into me?? I appreciate i have essentially backed him into a corner but sod it. Will see how he responds in the morning. I’ve gleaned as much as I can from texting for a week and need a face to face to see if there is any spark. He will probably run a mile!

putting my man hat ( tin hat ), why did you not ask him out ?

[NellyTheCake]

@Thisisworsethananticpated

NellyTheCake

not one to get any emotional attachment too

shag fine
feeling NO !

That was my thought!
He's still chatting to me but is about to go on holiday so any second date/shagging will have to wait

Shame because he was lovely but I felt he wasn't ready to move on to another relationship yet.

[NellyTheCake]

@NoDatingForOldMen
Would you prefer an woman to do the asking?

If I'm interested in someone then I will ask. I don't have the patience to keep texting for weeks. But some men don't seem to like it or see it as an invitation for a shag (not sure how 'shall we meet for coffee' = come to my place for sex 🙄)
Or maybe I just choose the wrong ones.

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Yes fine thanks @5thWisdom lots of handsiness in a cinema setting and then food.

@Mila14
Physically he's the opposite of my usual 6'+ size so feel the sleepover will be an interesting one... He's diminutive/lithe/delicate:and I'm really curvy so have a vague assumption I'll feel more buxom and heavier with him than I'd like

As a person I like him a lot. He's deffo my kind of person.

[NoDatingForOldMen]

@NellyTheCake

@NoDatingForOldMen
Would you prefer an woman to do the asking?

If I'm interested in someone then I will ask. I don't have the patience to keep texting for weeks. But some men don't seem to like it or see it as an invitation for a shag (not sure how 'shall we meet for coffee' = come to my place for sex 🙄)
Or maybe I just choose the wrong ones.

It’s not so much about preference, more about why do some ppl dance around the subject, if you like someone just ask them out, they will either say yes or no 🤷🏼

Maybe I’m just too dumb to understand all subtleties of modern dating

[NoDatingForOldMen]

Just too add only one woman has ever asked me out, and that was after she had turned me down twice.

[Mapleunicorn]

@NoDatingForOldMen its a fair question. If I definitely like someone then I will ask, no issue with doing that at all. I think in this case it’s more testing the water to gauge his reaction. I’m not sure and I can’t tell if he is interested either. I can’t be doing with weeks of texting on end if it’s not going anywhere, I would rather meet and find out. But to @NellyTheCake’s point I don’t want him thinking I’m super keen and he has it in the bag. I guess it is game playing a bit.

[Mila14]

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Lovemusic33

hope you ok despite Cherry sadness

I’m also weirdly wiped (and split from mine last month )
I’m an exerciser and also have an asd son

yet this week my whole body aches , and I don’t know why ! I’m taking every mineral known to man , I’ve restarted HRT

lots of self care

this breaking up isn’t easy and emotions can come out

Big hugs Worsy…one day at a time…I know everyone says the same but it will pass hopefully. In my case…it didn’t… I was still in love. First we tried being friends and going for dinner and movies…we would end up always making out like crazy… then we would have sex from time to time and had wonderful time …then we would feel wrong as neither could do FWB…then we would not see each other…then he decided we needed to go back fully and I really wasn’t sure. I think you can’t control how things will pan out. Especially if you are in love with Balkan and Balkan with you. Time and self care is all we can do sometimes

[Mila14]

@NellyTheCake

I had date last night!
It was a bit last minute but that meant I had no time to get nervous.

He was chatty, funny, good looking. All good.
Except for the wedding ring. His wife died last year. Only a few months ago.

Agh… that’s a tough one. I would not go there either…

[Mila14]

For what I know about you in this thread this is key for you
As a person I like him a lot. He's deffo my kind of person.
It did work with your former iron because he was NOT your sort of person. No sense of shared humor and not much in common. You like banter and wit so I think this is a better match. You feel very in control too which is brilliant.
The sex part is very important. I’m like you on that. If the sex is not right…it’s not for me…

[NoDatingForOldMen]

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

Yes fine thanks @5thWisdom lots of handsiness in a cinema setting and then food.

@Mila14
Physically he's the opposite of my usual 6'+ size so feel the sleepover will be an interesting one... He's diminutive/lithe/delicate:and I'm really curvy so have a vague assumption I'll feel more buxom and heavier with him than I'd like

As a person I like him a lot. He's deffo my kind of person.

I think if you actually like someone, then the physical type becomes less of an issue,